Im a single mom of two, one child has anger and ADHD issues, we live with my disabled father ( heart) and am helping care for my 91 year old grandfather who lives on the same block. For years we tried spending nights ( taking turns) to care for him and now he finally has agreed. He is Blind, barely can walk, hard of hearing, Arthritis, Heart Disease with Pace Maker, at times gets Hallucinations( mainly when dehydrated) and has a few other issues. He had hired 2 girls to work 2/3 hours a day( one was 5 days the other two days) for help to Dr appt/ errands/light cleaning and breakfast. We still help lunch, dressing him if hes too week,medications, dinner, nights if need be, shopping , errands. The one girl quit who did 5 days so we took over the driving to appts and breakfast. We offered to do even little things like spraying around the house for bugs etc and he would ask the neighbors, tell neighbors we didnt feed him but he throws our food away or yells half the time when we try for whatever reason. Yes he pays our bills but I need a job to take over the bills. Yes we all argue at times and he kicks us out of his home!
We dont mind helping but he is not easy to get along with at times, great with other people but family .. we have to see everything the way he sees things or we get lectured non stop. My father is ripping his valves lifting him but again, we have been told we are not doing enough for him. We have to leave him alone at times because of appts we all have and my kids functions/drs.. my dad and grandfather are no speaking so its all up to me. My Aunt says Nursing Home if he wont hire someone back. Neighbor says it should be all my family and I and no one else.. ( wheres the rest of our family to help?) but is it so wrong if we have resources to convince my grandfather to have someone sit with him all day so I can work? Hes worried about money for us after he dies and wants to keep the money he'd pay someone to save in account for us. Nice thought but if I can look and find a job, wouldn't that be better? He says he wants me to get a job and my kids come first and my house but when I try its as if he panics or gets mad Im not there. Are we bad to want extra help? Yes Id rather do it all myself, hes family and I dont just trust anyone! But what are we not doing for him? Please advise me! Thank you!