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I brought this up awhile ago. I am in excellent health. I am just getting old. I will be 75 in April and feel 35. Unfortunately, for my children, I love living in the "middle of nowhere" We have air ambulance if a person needs higher level care than our wonderful local hospital. In order to fly into where I live, it take all day including a small plane. I LOVE it here. My kids do not understand my not being lonesome. I explain I am very content. I am not social and do not require a constant flow of people in my life. I love to paint. Nearly 2 yrs ago, my partner died. I was exhausted from care giving. My husband died 10 yrs ago and I was also exhausted from Care giving. I am so done with care giving and know how hard it is. I also know what taking care of me will mean to my children. I can be very pleasant, but I am totally anti social. I love my children. They all turned out great. No drugs or bad marriages. They do not need me around to care for. I have had a wonderful life. This past weekend, they all got together and are working on getting me to move to a state with NO OCEAN. I have a great ocean view. I keep praying that God will take me in my sleep. But, then I worry (because I am antisocial), how long would my body lie here.(LOL). I am not wealthy and every penny coming in goes out. My kids say they will take care of me and I can keep my money coming in. BUT, I have to move. Every child should have parents that do not need their kids in the end. I LOVE my kids to much to interfer in their lives. Any comments???

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The ocean is a very healthy place to live near. As are the mountains. Is there a place you could move closer than where you are now and still enjoy your solitude? I agree it takes a long time to recover from care taking. Your children sound wonderful. Is there something in particular that has them worried? You can be proactive by setting up an annual visit to a great medical clinic, having someone or some agency identified should you need help. Read the book Quiet: The power of introverts by Susan Cain and see if you identify. Isolating isn't good for mental health they tell us. You sound so well adjusted that might be all they can come up with in order to worry over you a bit with. It is good to have a plan for next steps. We have to remind ourselves, we don't make it out alive. Something will happen at some point. It always does.
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I totally support your point of view but my worry is that you do not seem to have any emergency back up.
Is there anyway you can use an emergency alert system in your area. I think some of the cell phone companies offer an emergency call system.
Would you consider moving somewhere that is not quite as isolated still with an ocean view?
This is something most caring children worry about and their concern often involves moving closer so the kids can keep an eye on them. Unfortunately this often involved giving up a life style and often being over supervised by the kids who naturally are adults and know better than Mom or Dad. try and work out something that will keep you and them happy.
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My Dad's mother lived by herself until she was 91 and it was a medical emergency that sent her to the hospital, then to a nursing home. Now she did have her sons, their wives, and a gaggle of driving age grandchildren who would check on her. It was a small town in the middle of nowhere, but the small local grocery store would hand deliver her groceries, and the library would drop off new books for her to read.

My parents were on their own until my Dad stopped driving in his late 80's, then I had to step in. My parents did volunteer work during Dad's 25+ years of retirement.

I know of a gal who is pushing 90 years old who works part-time as a receptionist, and she loves it. She drives to work, which is just a couple of miles from home. She figures if she doesn't show up for work, someone would go to her townhome and break down the door to see if she was ok :)
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Dear Oregongirl,

You are an amazing person. I can appreciate your need for independence and solitude and to be near the ocean. I feel as long as you are healthy and capable of living on your own, then you should. I know its hard for your adult kids to understand.

To me 75 still feels very young. You always hear of some seniors living at home till 100 before they have to go to a nursing home. Maybe ask your kids to read the responses on this thread. Help them open their mind to where you are coming from. I know they love you and want you to be safe. At this stage in life, I have to agree with the others its okay to put yourself first and do what you want! You've earned it.
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As long as you are competent, I see it as your decision. Granted, your kids may worry, but, we all have to accept that other people make differing decisions about how they live and how they die. We have the right to make ourselves happy as long as it's not hurting others.

I think that having an emergency that could not be dealt with due to a remote location would bother me. I love the ocean, but, not far away from emergency services. I have a house that is in a rural area and quite lovely fields, woods, etc. , that I am considering selling. I want to buy a small place with a little patio for flowers, that is a few miles from the pharmacy, doctor, grocery, stores, Starbucks, etc. lol But, it takes all kinds. I hope your kids will understand.
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#1 Give them Atul Gawande's book 'Being Mortal' to read.
#2 Agree a firm schedule for phone calls, and a broad one for visits.
#3 Tell them to bog off and mind their own business.
[#4, privately, have a back-up plan in case anything ghastly happens, like long-term but not terminal disability, and suddenly being isolated doesn't look like such a clever idea].

I completely sympathise with you, by the way. You have given so much of your adult life to other people. It really is only fair that from now on you get to please yourself.
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Is there a compromise you can make with your kids, where perhaps you have a set time that you call them or they call you, to make sure you're ok? At least until the time that you might require more care that requires you to move. Maybe that would ease their minds a bit about you being ok out there in the boonies. (I'd live in the boonies too if I could!)
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75 is still too soon to give up your dreams in my opinion unless you have life shortening health concerns, most people around me seem to do very well into their early 80's. Perhaps if you have a detailed, realistic plan in place it will satisfy your kids, for a while at least. I know that my mother never expected to live so long so avoided making plans and I think that is the default position of a lot of elders, but realistically we can't count on dying peacefully in our sleep.
You are content where you are... for now. Make a list of things that might necessitate a move, have your kids make one too. Many things on the list may be negotiable. Have a concrete plan in place for all the what if scenarios... what kind of alert system would work for you, what care agencies have you investigated, what would be your ideal alternative when the time comes that you can no longer be on your own. Include prices and contact names.
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