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Hi. Call me Guy.


I'm over 18.


My situation is: Dad was diagnosed with MS around the time I was a toddler. He stopped walking around 2014, since then, me and mom have been caring care of him. For the past two years, he's become more and more unpleasant. We would like for him to go now. We've had it. We both work and don't need the conflict and the stress. My mom is about 3 years shy of being 60 years old.


Question: How do we get my Dad out? If he's either willing or un-willing. Haven't talked to him about it but about to; asking advice for both possible scenarios; not going to jail for him, but want him out, so want to do it the right way.


Note: My Dad is not mentally ill, nor does he have dementia. He's just unpleasant. Also note, he may be my Dad, but he's had plenty of chances with me. They say you should treat elders like adults...well, I don't appreciate having an adult insult me, be demanding of me, another adult; a working adult.


Stress. Stress. Stress.


Advice?

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I know you said that you don't want anymore advice. But I have to say that I am sorry about stating that you are 18 yrs old when in fact that you did state that you are over 18; however, my point is that no matter if we are 40 or 50 yrs in age our parents still see us as kids.

I feel your frustration in your post and I am sorry that you find yourself in a situation where you are sruck between a rock and a hard place, and prehaps you feel you have no way out.

Believe it or not most of us if not all of us are here to help. But we will not just give someone the answers they want to here because that isn't helpful.

You probably should have worded your heading differently.

If you have nothing than maybe it is just time for you to get your life in order. Make a plan for you to get out. Yes, this is easier said than done. But you may not have any luck to have your dad remove from the home. Whether your parents are married or not makes no difference. You can not control what other people say or do, but you can control what you can do.

In life sometimes we have to make the hard decision to save ourselves and that is all we can do.

I did not mean to offend you with the baby bird comment, if you really read it you would have understood that was what my dad has said to me. And it just comes down to that we no matter if we are 18 or 50 we all have to find away to make a life for ourselves.

Maybe it is just time for you to do just that. Come up with a plan for your life. Don't let your circumstances define who you are or your life.

If dad wants to move out or if mom can no long take care of him than they need to file for Medicaid. Mom or you can not just kick him out. Not only is that ethically wrong but I am sure it can come down to a criminal charges.

I am surprise that dad has lived as long as he has with MS if he has had it sense you were a kid.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to Shell38314
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Sorry guys. I was hasty and went on a bit of a rant, but this site does not help me. No more advice. I would delete my question if I could but won't let me.
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Reply to Guy2020
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It is not unusual for someone who has MS to be unpleasant, he is probably miserable. Find your own living space, elsewhere. Your Mother is there for a reason, her reasons.
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Reply to thestruggleison
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This does sound familiar.

Your option would be a Nursing Home with help from Medicaid. Your Mom will not be left impoverished.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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We live in a two bed apartment. Mom lives in dining room.

And I have tried reaching out to family. My sister for one. No luck; she got out while she still could. Me and mom the suckers; thought we could deal.

Low-income, there are no assets, and its actually really liberating to admit that.
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Reply to Guy2020
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Parents are not married. Forgot to mention that. And I also forgot to mention that Dad MIGHT be up for moving on. Will to him about it. No more baby bird comments. Helpful advice from wise folks that have dealt longer than me and would have a better idea because I have nothing.

Anymore comments saying I'm a kid, then this is the wrong site for advice. I could be 40, or 35. I said over 18.

Didn't think anyone needed age.
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Reply to Guy2020
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Here is a few things to think about,
--Have you thought maybe your dad is unpleasant because he is mad about what is happening to his body, his life.
--Maybe your dad is in pain physically and emotionally.
--Your dad might be frustrated about what is happening in his life.

You might be 18 yrs old, but you want to kick your dad out of his and your mom's house! May I ask, "what gives you the right to kick your dad out of his house?"

No matter how old we get especially when we are 18 we are still the child. The only way this rule changes is when a parent has dementia or some other cognitive decline.

As my father would say, "if you don't like the rules or what is going on than maybe it is time for the baby bird to find his/her own nest."

Move out! This problem is between your mom and dad.
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Reply to Shell38314
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smeshque Feb 25, 2019
Agreed, good answer
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This sounds familiar, were you here earlier using a different name?
My advice: Move out on your own, this is a marital problem that your mom needs to deal with and as long as you continue to prop things up nothing will change. If she wants to be free of him she can file for divorce, divide the assets and turn his care over to whoever he chooses - I'm assuming he is mentally competent to make his own decisions in regards to that. Does he have no other family - parents, siblings, aunt & uncles?
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Reply to cwillie
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Guy2020 Feb 25, 2019
He can chose his own care? Good. Then that makes it easier.
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