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My FIL (full time in depends) uses his hands all the time to assist himself with bowel movements. He is 95 years old and apparently has been doing this for years. He thinks that a quick swipe with dry toilet paper is enough and refuses to use the wet wipes. He is in a wheelchair and I get him to the sink to wash as much as possible. But when I leave the room I have little assurance that his hands are not "down there." Then he wheels himself around and touches stuff in the house, refrigerator etc. I am specific about rules etc but he is very stubborn. Any ideas?

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Oh those hands. I trim bedbound MIL's fingernails very short and try to keep her hands scrubbed but in no time those hands go "down there." I try to remain affectionate (touching etc).... but her hands touch everything within her reach and it's "off putting." It makes me sound horrible :( Just being honest.
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Just when you think you are alone dealing with unusual behaviors...I wipe the toilet and the floor after she uses it (you know why); found that she'll use liquid soap; purchased little containers of wipes meant for cars, placed them next to her to clean hands before eye drops and after eating; make up separate containers for finger foods just for her and wash door knobs, jambs daily. She won't stop "digging" and won't go to the doctor...
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Bidets can range in cost from under fifty dollars for simple non-electric types, to wel over a thousand dollars for the very high-tech types with remote control. Take a look on ebay to find one you think might best fit your needs. My mother recently had two separate colon resection, and two separate rounds of chemo in the last two years. After much resistance, I purchased, and installed a high-tech type. She no longer believes it to be a waste of money, and has remarked about it being more sanitary, and just plain easier.
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I wish I had an idea to offer, but really all I have is empathy. I gave my dad a back of wipes and soon after our plumbing got clogged and he blames it on the wipes. I myself use them daily and don't clog the system daily... My dad too seems to have an aversion to overusing paper products - which leaves a mess. He also was about to start the dishwasher the other day with about a teaspoon of dishwashing soap. I don't know if it's old age related or tied to them living through the Great Depression. And you can't reason with them. A bidet, if not too costly, sounds lovely.
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I know this can be a bit of an expense, but they do have these retrofit bidet toilet seats. Much more sanitary then simply using toilet-paper. There's always the possibility that this behavior is prompted by irritation which is causing an uncomfortable itch. A bidet can also ease irritation by providing a much more thorough cleaning. Does he only do this while on the toilet? Some careful observation might lead to a solution. I had a relative that insisted on using a wash-cloth for wiping, because, in his words, using toilet-paper to wipe, was like throwing money away. At this point reasoning may not work, but providing choices might just do the trick. As a former engineer, the bidet may just peak his interest?
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My grandpa doesn't remember to wash his hands either. So what I do is I wet a napkin and I squirt some hand sanitizer on his hands and I tell him to lotion it all over his hands and on his fingertips and between his fingers and then wipe with the napkin. He often asks why he needs to do this and I said that he has to disinfect his hands because he has an eye drop to take. I can only "tolerate" giving him his hand sanitizer once a day for my own sanity. I sound like a broken record and keep repeating the same thing every day.
It also helps to give your loved one some papaya to eat not only because it tastes good and it's nutritious but it also helps cleanse the colon, especially if they do not wash their hands regularly and they eat with their hands with or without you looking, they probably have bacteria/parasites in them so give them papaya to eat to help flush it out!
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Hand sanitizer in every room, antibacterial wipes for face and hands. Lysol sprays, there are also mini Lysol sprays you can carry in your pocket (great to take with you in bathrooms), hard to find sometimes though. Actually putting your own food in bags separate is not such a bad idea, I've even brought my own food at times. I put antibacterial wipes in my dads bathroom, and use them to clean the toilet when I go in there, sounds bad but that's just how it is, even with a clean bathroom he still gets stuff on the toilet, sorry to be gross but we all know how it is. I even use the wipes on the floor around the toilet for quick clean ups. You could also get a small spray bottle (very small), put some alcohol in there, keep it in your TV room, and have him put his hands out and spray them real quick and have him rub his hands and fingers together, this will kill germs, but will dry instantly, so it might not bother him.
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I have the same problem with my 98 yr old father. I know he isn't washing his hands because I can see dirty fingerprints on the refrigerator, bread box etc. When I buy grapes I wash them and put them in a bowl. Also other things such as cookies etc. I have everything for him to use such as wipes, hand sanitizer, liquid soap in a pump dispenser and bar soap. He also does not always flush the toilet. I mention these things to him, but he continues doing what he has always done. I'm also getting paranoid and find myself hesitating to eat some things I know he has touched. I've thought of putting things in baggies for myself and hiding them so he doesn't see them. However, when you think of everything in a home it could drive you crazy------------door knobs, cabinet handles da, da, da, da da!
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Thanks for all the advice :) No my FIL does not have dementia. (MIL does have it and that actually makes her easier in some ways).
FIL is extraordinarily stubborn and refuses to listen to me.
He is quite intelligent & considers himself way "above everybody else."
He was an engineer who continues to try to micro-manage everything and everybody.
There is his way and the wrong way.
RE: toileting................I bring a basin with hot soapy water to him and insist he use it after a BM. He gets quite angry but will minimally comply. Myself, doc, nurses all tell him not to retrieve his own poop. But, he is "smarter than us all."
I give him miralax daily, senna (2x day) and he has 2 BM's every day. Kind of like toothpaste. It's such a mess. I have the wet wipes and make him use them but then he gets kind of vindictive and angry and I wouldn't put it past him to sabatoge me somehow. Now I sound paranoid. My Alzheimer's MIL tells on him sometimes....and she makes me laugh which is healthy at this point.
Buying him a mini frig is a great idea. I'll just have to find a place to stick it lol
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There are flushable wipes. Since your FIL is in a wheelchair I'll bet you can beat him to the bathroom and put several flushable wipes over the toilet paper roll (take the toilet paper off the roll). He'll have no choice but to use them. But I don't see how you can actually get him to stop digging around when he has a bowel movement unless you hold his hands while he goes. However, he'll still have to wipe unless you do it for him. Does he have dementia? If not, can you tell him that he is not to use his hands when having a bowel movement? If he does have dementia can you just wipe him yourself? I think I'd rather do that than have those hands trailing all over everything in the house. Yuck!
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I would put a teaspoon on miralax in his coffee ever morning so he doesnt have to dig, poor guy must have a problem. I used to go thru this, I told Mom about a horrible bacteria that was going around and we needed to wash extra extra. I bought those handwipes and did it and handed her one. Make up something, ha! Would he wear vinyl gloves is you left them in the bathroom? good luck
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get him his own fridge!! My mom is just like this.Hand sanitizer everywhere so you can grab it and say hands please.I tell her I don't care to get sick or have my grandkids sick,
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