I'm permanently disabled and caregiver for my Mom with no pay for 8 years. I understand that if Mom goes on MediCal before she dies to pay for a nursing home that MediCal will take everything when she is gone. If I am her disabled child and have lived with her since 1997 and cared for her, isn't there a way I can keep the house?
How does that change the Trust or does it? The trust states the house is split between 3 of us, but if i am the only disabled one what happens? Will all three of us still just get to keep the house? Is there a time limit like we have to keep the house for 5 years? One sister will want to leave immediately while two of us will want to continue to live here.
In general, after a Medicaid recipient dies, the state can/must recover some of their costs by any assets that are left over. Often this is the house. BUT if someone has been living in the house and caring for the recipient such that it delayed the need for a nursing home, that someone (whether disabled or not) can receive the house. (This doesn't apply to everyone, there are restrictions.) Also there are hardship exceptions. I am SO glad you have an appointment with an Elder Law attorney. They can guide you to do what is best for Mother, and for You, with the least adverse impact on other family members. Keep in mind that your goal is NOT to ensure any inheritance for others.
Try to relax. If you can, stop taking calls and emails from your siblings. This will all get resolved. You are moving in the correct direction, and now you just have to wait for your appointment. Do your best to care for Mom without making yourself sick with worry.
I just wanted to say this in case anyone else reads this and becomes frightened of losing their benefits while caring for a sick parent.
I do collect disability and I would be allowed to work as long as my income did not go over a certain amount, but I have never been able to do that. I am not paid one cent to care for my Mom, I actually pay rent each month and for food. Caring for my Mom and her worsening condition has caused me to actually become more ill that I had been previously. I spoke to both siblings and asked for their help but it fell on deaf ears until the panic and anxiety became so bad I begged one sister not to leave me alone with Mom and I could not control the attack....she refused, and called another sister to come and spend the day. I have asked them to allow me to get her IN HOME CARE which might help me and allow me to get myself back under control as they flat out refused a Memory Care Facility. One sister said okay but the older one refused and said, I needed to pay for the IN HOME CARE myself since my panic and anxiety is preventing me from being able to care for her, or my second choice was that she wanted me to immediately see a Psychiatrist and get medication from him that would stop the panic and anxiety so I could continue to care for Mom and her worsening condition. I told her she was full of crap, she could stay home and care for her....OH NO SHE WAS NOT GOING TO DO THAT! So I said fine, then you guys hire someone to come in here and care for her and I will go my merry way! Again I was met with OH NO WE ARE NOT DOING THAT, YOU ARE STAYING HERE AND CARING FOR HER..... All I could think was that I was in the Twilight Zone and being held as a hostage caregiver. I was mad but I was in shock at how I was being treated.
My sister does not want me spending Mom's money for IN HOME CARE because she is counting that as her inheritance! Mom is on private insurance right now, but I do not know what the future holds or if she will have to go to a memory facility or nursing home. If she does, her money will run out rather quickly which will mean that MediCal will have to be applied for.
My sister is afraid if she goes on MediCal #1 HER inheritance will be gone and #2 she heard the house can only be saved if their is a spouse or disabled child living in the house caring for the parent, but she is afraid it is going to be given in full to me the disabled child and the Trust thrown out the window, which means she is left with nothing.....kinda fair, since she does nothing actually.
Now you have thrown in another kink that you cannot be disabled and be a caregiver? I think a lot of us are and we are because we have no choice. There are times I would rather be most anywhere else, but no one is going to watch Mom and make sure she is fed and okay because THEY have jobs....I however am disabled and home so guess who was nominated to provide the care and unfortunately give up their life.