How do I keep my Mom from being kicked out of her nursing home?

Anxiety meds may be needed for brief outbursts. Anti-depressants can backfire, for example, give Prozac to a schizophrenic and they actually get worse. If she is still yelling at everyone and she is on an anti-depressant, the medication simply isn't working. Talk to the staff MD about what might work for her. Do it before they kick her out.

Oh my !... just put mom in a nursing home yesterday....befoe that she could not do anything on her own...sat and watched my dad watch TV...dad could not wait till she went to bed..he yelled at her out of stress...so, when Dad hurt his back and my sister (who was being paid to be on 24 hr. call) wore herself out, it was decided it was time...My mother did not walk for 8 months at home...we had to lift her to put her on the pot...lift her to dress her, lift her from sofa to wheelchair...one freaking day in the nursing home and they had her walking on a walker to the dining room...I could not believe it...she was dead weight for us...I asked mom "how is it that one day here and you are on a walker" she said" what can I tell you" ..ughhhh. This is a nice place and has a great reputation (my husbands best friend is on the Board of Directors and the Director of the nursing home knows this...let me tell you...its not WHAT you know, its who WHO you know. So far mom has not asked to go home..which we wont let happen any way...she is friendly and even slept all night without trying to get out (alarms on her bed and chair)...now dad, who couldnt wait till she went to bed is giving us problems..wont get dressed in the morning, wont shave, wont do anything but watch TV and complain his back hurts. Cannot afford two of them in nursing home. Mom had dementia but dad is of sound mind..they are 90. She will eventually want to go home, no doubt in my mind...dad will want her home...even though he told all of us he couldnt live that way anymore...HARD, HARD, HARD... I am 70 and POA and I dont want to be, but being the oldest my mom and dad would have it no other way...If our parents get old enough and, none of us want to lose them, this is going to happen...do the best you can...give nursing homes a chance as long as they are tying and it is clean and not smelly ...I am new at this for my mom (although I am a receptionist at a very nice nursing home we cannot afford) and I see this all day long..but I see the staff trying and caring. My uncle had to leave a nursing facility because he became too sexual (which is a big part of dementia)..I am looking for good things to happen and not for the bad...you will alway find bad if you look hard enough. I think if they are making you leave its more mental and they usually have your mom or dad sent to a place to be evaluated before they actually make you go...they have to have a really good reason to do this...even if you do not pay as promised, it will take them at least 3 months to let you go...just hang in there and know that you did what you think was best for that parent. I hope I pass away before I get that far...will never let my children take care of me...after doing it for 5 years I know I will not do that to them.. We are living longer than we use to (my parents never had to take care of my grandparents)... we will live longer then our parents...live and learn and find peace with whatever life brings you.

Drugs, drugs, drugs. Seriously. When my mom went into the NH she's in now, I warned the staff that she could be a handful. I asked them to put her on some kind of happy pill...for her sake, and everyone else's, too. Oh no, she was no problem. They didn't think she needed that. *shrug* Ok. Time goes on. Then the staff started to tell us that my mom was wailing and shrieking around the clock...just like at home, which got her into a NH to begin with. Here come the happy pills! :D Now, she's fine. lol

Your mom is not their first mean patient nor will she be the last. They need to handle it. Life would be better for her and others if she were nice , but she is not and has not been( according to your post) her entire life.

Do not be embarrassed. Be extra nice to the caregivers, know their names and their children's names....try to get some nice karma for your mom. Hold them to the expectation that they will deal with her professionally. Be very nice to the administration, Ignore the "thoughts" of kicking her out.....do not encourage it....go from there. Mom won't be happy anywhere, so that cannot be your goal. Your goal is a safe and professional environment for her.

I suppose running away is out of the question? Have you accepted DPOA or similar?

Oh Lordy, do I understand! I will get back to you later as I have to go out, but know you are not alone. Fortunately mother is in a place where the staff are willing to work with her, but she wants to move!!! I so understand about the crying wolf.

How did you feel during those 8 years - 8 years! Wow - that she didn't speak to you?

Do you wish yourself back to that time?

What on earth possessed you to accept the power of attorney?

None of the above helps, though. Oh boy.

Suppose you (God forbid) got knocked down by a bus. Never mind what you do with her, what would she do without you? Then, if anybody has any suggestions as to how you make her consider that proposition, maybe it would be a fresh perspective?

I'm not hopeful, though.

Hi Hummingbird1. I just placed my dad in a veterans care center, after living with me for 4 years, following a hip fracture. He is 91 and such a dear...until 3 or 4:00 when the sundowners rolls in. Then he has been confused and yelling out, almost like Tourettes. This has been the toughest week EVER. So far, no meds have helped his impulsive yelling for different people but I hope his psych eval today will offer some help. He is in the dementia unit but they seem very kind and helpful. It has been a very sad time and I have been the biggest cry-baby ever! This weekend there are other family visiting so I will take the first weekend for a very long time to put my house back together and see my grandchildren. I agree. I will NEVER let my children go through what I have been through with my dad. I am so exhausted and feel like I have missed a lot. All this I know, but still I feel sorry for my dad. This is not an easy time, but this forum has been very helpful, because, unless you are there, it is hard to imagine how tough it is. Peace.

Lynn 1950, I feel for you, am right there with you, it hurts, it is painful. Keep the faith, I trust it will get better, I just try to accept the reality of the situation and know in my heart that the best course of action has been taken, nothing it seems from my experience that is worthwhile comes easily. Stay the course and be strong.

Boy, this is the first time I have been on this chat station...loving the "give a hug" thing and I really appreciate all of your kind words and support.

Yes, I often feel like running away, and my husband says that when he retires in 3 years, we just might do that. I do have DPOA, and I am taking care of mom's finances and I live close to her nursing home. My sister lives out of state and is the main "phone call sounding board" for mom and she calls staff when needed. I show up when needed...about twice a week. I also work a full time job and a part time job, so....

Anyway, I look forward to any pearls of wisdom from you all on this.

Thank You