Should I keep her in respite care or bring her home? - AgingCare.com

Should I keep her in respite care or bring her home?

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She's so aggitated and confused, not urinating on her own, being treated for a UTI, but is refusing the Meds. I promised her, she would not leave her home but after falling 3x's I felt Hospice could get her back on track. She just keeps begging to come home. Anyone got expirence with terminal aggitation will she get better so she can come home???

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UPDATE: I brought my Mom home or better yet I had her delivered (lol) last Sat.18th. I told respice no more drugs on the 16th. Amazing.....She's back to the way she was before her first Phycotic episode Nov.23-25 I'll remember it always, as my Birthday was the 24th. and that's when I brought in the help of Hospice and had to quit my job to be with her 24/7 and was rear-ended by a drunk driver while stopped to make a left turn into her driveway. The only difference is where before she decided she could no longer walk and became bedridden, well now she can't use her arms or hands. But her mouth works real well.
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Whodathunk, It's so hard for you to see your mother like this. No one can tell you if the present situation is temporary, or if it's the beginning of the end.

What I want you to remember is that you are the adult here. Your mother is like a child, frightened and not thinking straight. You have to be strong and not be (too) influenced by her unhappiness. She probably wouldn't be a lot happier to be sick and anxious at home. She needs to get well first.

Could you maybe manage to spend a night with her to calm her? I know it may not be possible. You need to preserve your health and your job.

The agitation is treatable. Some of the medications may knock her out, but is that so bad while her body is trying to heal? Sleeping is the best medicine. Push the doctor to give her something.

Seeing my father's emotional pain was a lot worse than cleaning the poop off the floor. You have our understanding and prayers.
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I agree with ladeeM. Don't make decisions until the uti is cleared up. My mom went into a hospital and then tcu with a UTI and we were all concerned she would never be able to return home. Her dementia symptoms were very much worse. But once the uti was cleared up she went back to her baseline. She still has dementia, of course, but it is quite manageable at home.

I also agree with the others who say she may need to stay where she is. But I wouldn't make any firm decisions just yet.
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What comes home to me here, is making promises we may not be able to keep.... not because we aren't good people, but because circumstances have changed...
The facility should be able to make sure she takes her meds... and with a UTI, her behaviors are normal....can you possible wait until you see how she is when she gets better... ??? Prayers for you.... just keep in mind, she may be where she NEEDS to be as opposed to where she WANTS to be....
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Leave her care to Hospice and "going home" is often mixed up with going to Heaven. My MIL dreams of going to a big party, or riding up in an elevator. These are symbolic representations of an afterlife.
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The question for us has been..."SHOULD they come home". Our dad was put in respite at the end of this last year so mom (and us) could get a break. Mom was determined to bring him home. After Christmas he has continued to decline. We have a hospital bed, home health aide, hospice but dad is pretty much wheelchair bound these days. Mom is his primary caregiver as my sister, brother and I all work. We visit (one or the other of us) each day and evening helping to get dad cleaned up and in the bed. His BM's have become eratic and mother just can't handle it alone. It is increasingly harder for mother. Dad seemed to do fine during respite and didn't "beg" to come home or search for any of us. I believe he is past even knowing what home is. In my opinion, just judging our situation, if you get them settled and they are doing okay, maybe best to leave them. Sometimes it is hard to get them in a facility when you really need it in the later stages. For us.....it's been a living hell.
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