How do we keep from feeling so mean?

Something I am wondering if other caregivers get a feeling of being paralyzed inside. Sometimes it even feels like my muscles are mentally frozen and I have to overcome a resistance to get things done. The feeling is so unpleasant. I'm sure it is the chronic stress of living with such unhappiness leading to it. I feel like if I could get out in the country and drive forever without being hemmed by traffic, or walk in the forest without fear of being mugged that it would help the feeling. I guess that just means I need to feel free to shake this feeling.

I think 'feeling mean' is part of the stress of this whole thing. Nobody wants to go around feeling mean because they might have snapped at their elderly parent one day and then deal with the subsequent guilt that goes along with it..but we do. All the time. Forget that we might have only gotten 25 hours of sleep for the entire freaking week, forget that you haven't had a 'day off' in months, forget that your inner resources are drained dry, we're somehow expected to have a halo glowing at all times when it comes to the elderly. It's impossible. I was never 'mean' to my mom when she declined past a certain point because she couldn't fight back if I yelled at her or got impatient. And I wanted to yell at her. I did feel impatient. I suppressed that, but the feeling was still there. Like I've said before, I'd go outside and scream at the top of my lungs, dropping every F bomb I could think of. It was either that or implode. Nobody can do this job with a big, fat smile on their face all the time. All these negative emotions come from somewhere, come from just being constantly worn down by duty. They're understandable. Nobody should feel guilty, or like a bad person because of it. But we do. *sigh* But we're not. And that's what matters. We just have to keep telling ourselves that and let it comfort us. I never harmed my mom. I met all of her needs as they came. I can look at myself in the mirror and know that for the truth it is. I have to be satisfied with it. We do the best we can. But I'm not holding the right hand of God. Nobody's that good.

Oh Jesse we are so alike and have the same mum! No matter what you do its not enough. I DREAM of winning the lotto getting a new car a live in nurse and just drive and drive and drive. Yes i understand how you feel inside I go to my friends 3 times a week to watch a "horror movie" thats it thats my respite? thats the only time i swtich off KINDA? 99 per cent of the time I am wondering how the hell is this going to be resolved is my life over now? I mean mum could have this for years more?
My mum is just like yours wants to sit around and do nothing and i let her as im done trying. Its sad and so hard to watch but thats how theyre happy and safe so let them be like your mum excercise and fresh air are paramount to thier health but you cannot tell them this its just not going in. No matter how much it hurts let her be ive had to for my own sanity i only get her out to town about once every 2 wks so thats all i can hope for.
The less oxigen they get the more they will decline but what can we do if i try and get her motivated to go for a walk i get nothing but "abuse". Im a bully a nag leave me alone? what can you do?
Stop feeling guilty and get out more i just go now and even if it means a walk in the pissing rain here i have no choice once she gets in a mood i just leave then she dosnt seem to remember and we start again.
Chronic stress is dangerous look at me a ministroke at our age?? If you have any money go to yoga i cant afford it but i know its great for stress! HUGS to you off now to fix washing machine,cook dinner,have a bath,wash mums hair and feed the cat and wait for him to come home so I can RUN OUT THE DOOR for my movie night!!!!!! " What a life". You look back and start to really appreciate the normal life we used to have! My friend is bringing me "out" to dinner in a few weeks i am hysterical with joy i never get out to do things like this gosh get dressed up and go out like normal people? I do feel when I do go out that im on another planet AHA so this is what its like to be FREE!!! X

Jessie, I know that feeling well. It takes such mental effort sometimes. I am sure it is due to chronic stress too. With no contact for over a week, I am feeling a little better - a little more energised - but it is going to take some time - longer than I want it to. But get away from it for a while and I can walk for miles. Here we can walk in the woods with only bears to fear and not many of those these days.