OK, it is my turn to ask this group for help. For those who do not know....I live 5 hrs from my parents. My Dad was placed in dementia unit last January and mom, with her own dementia beginnings is alone at home, in same town. This is our first holiday season living this way, and Thanksgiving was awful. I felt bad that we left Dad alone, but I drove down to Tucson and brought Mom back here for Thanksgiving. Hubby tolerated her, because we had friends here for dinner too and it was only 4 days she was here. She whined and cried about being away from Dad the whole time, but, then again, she wouldn't stay there by herself to go be with him during the holiday because she hates being around 'those people' and finds fault constantly with the place he is in. NOW...Christmas....she wants me to bring him up here with her! I said NO...I cannot do 24/7 care plus her and hubby too....and it's not good to move him to strange location for days. Hubby doesn't want her here by herself either. She's a real pistol to have around because everything is about her, and she's like a puppy dog who constantly follows me around and wants me to give her undivided attention. My parents and husband have never gotten along and he's spent years being nice and tolerating them at holidays and other visits. He won't go to their house because we cannot take our dog and Mom has too many 'rules' in her home. She is very OCD about life. No shoes on in the house etc. Super cleanliness...Hoards food and other stuff and doesn't cook. Anyhow....he won't go there with me. I want to support him, as he's got his own health issues and is currently being worked up for early Parkinson's disease, so he's got a lot he is dealing with. HE says I should just go down there for Christmas and spend it with both of them and leave him home alone. BUT....he doesn't do well alone for days either, especially when 'snowed in' during winter. I was unhappy myself not being with Dad at Thanksgiving, thinking these are likely his last holidays, and even if he doesn't remember after the fact, he will remember at the time that he is alone and others have family around them and wonder why we or Mom are not there. So, I don't know what decision to make. IF I go to get her, I have to bring her back on the 20th as she has an MD apt on the 19th that I was going to go down at attend to with her. Otherwise, I come back for a couple days and then go again to get her. Of course, then, cannot take her back until the 26th or 27th....so 6 or 7 days here and hubby doesn't want her around all that time. And all that will happen is the 3 of us sitting around here together, as all the other family....2 daughters and their families, live out of town. Holidays were tolerable to him, with my parents around, when we had the girls and husbands and grandkids coming from one side or the other. Of course, Christmas for me, at her house won't be fun either except for being able to be with my Dad. I would want to spend lots of time there with him....and do all the facility celebrations because she won't have anything special going on at her house. She will attempt to undermine that time with him though, cause she always does. In reality, even though she is in the same town with him, she cannot bring herself to spend more than an hour a day visiting him. She treats it like visiting a pt in the hospital.....yet whines constantly about all the things they do wrong there. She won't deal with her own issues, expects me to phone them and fix all her issues with them for her!! She doesn't like it there and won't eat with him or go and stay any longer than an hour. It is so frustrating and I am at the end of my rope here trying to determine how to make a decision. Please share your thoughts to help me!