Dad (98) does not want to see Dr. How do we keep him at home without legal issues? No POA. -

Dad (98) does not want to see Dr. How do we keep him at home without legal issues? No POA.


Not eating and drinking about 3 cans of Coke He is 1 mo. shy of 99. He is walking with walker. Sleep sitting on chairs during the day. Goes to bathroom on his own. He is hard of hearing but talks when spoken to. How long can he live like this?

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Is he living alone? You do not mention this. Does he drive? How does he get the coke? At his age, cooking for himself would be a huge chore, and cleaning up after. Not knowing his living situation, it is hard to say. Is coke all that is made available? It is easy, open a can and drink. How about ensure? How about a can of soup, like progresso. Open, heat up in the micro wave and eat. Simple broth, some crackers.

I would speak to him about a POA for health care, as well as financial. Does he have any animals? Is he of sound mind? Does he have Alzheimers, dementia,
does he get around OK? Where do you live, where does he? What about his Physician? It sounds like he is depressed, for one. Failure to thrive is another. I would wonder about his access to food, care etc. if he was brought into a hospital.
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He used to eat almost nothing but sweets, cookies, ice cream, pies etc... He ate
soup with a spoon. He has had a taste here and there of those things but stopped
about a week ago. My mom and dad will be celebrating their 70th anniv. on Sept.
29 and he will turn 99 on Nov. 1.. We a planning a big party on Sunday so help me to pray that he makes it thur that day. My dad has always said, "If you don't visit a person while he is alive, why go to the funeral, he won't know you are there."
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It is hard to just stand back and watch, but sometimes it is all we can do. If he is drinking cokes, maybe he would like a little supply of cookies or crackers. Ice cream snacks (cones, sandwiches) or fruit pieces might make life a little more enjoyable. That is about the only thing I know to do. Putting it in God's hands helped me a lot, too. I knew it was up to Him.
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Thank you for responding so quickly. We took him to Dr. on Tues. and she said she was referring him to hospice. But also wanted us to take him to hosp. for an IV because he was dehydrated. My sister asked could something be done at home and she sent us home to wait on hospice. They came quickly and filled out papers that my mom signed. Next day when Nurse came to examine and admit him into program. After visual exam and BP check, under the Medicare guidelines,
dad would not qualify into hospice. He has control of body function, does not mess the bed, is walking, conversing, answering questions, take not meds and has no pain. I know he will be dying soon and maybe even later and sooner. He is in God's hands and I believe he knows what is going on.
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This reminds me so much of my father. He stopped eating and didn't drink much during his final month or two here on earth. He could still walk to the bathroom with his walker. Sometimes he would eat cookies or ice cream, but heavy food was too much for him. He wouldn't see a doctor -- something that would have helped him a lot with the pain he was having. My mother said no to hospice. She thought if he would only eat he would get better. But my father was ready to leave life here on earth.

Four days before he died he became very weak and fell. He spent his last four days in the hospital and passed away peacefully. We called hospice in on his last day with some crazy idea the hospital had about discharging him. Hospice arrived quickly, but Dad died about 5 minutes before they arrived. I think they would have made his last days better, so I recommend calling them soon. Vernonica's advice is excellent.
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Do you mean the coke is the only thing he is drinking/eating all day? How long has this been going on? He could probably last a surprising amount of time on coke, it does have a lot of calories, but if he has truly given up everything else it sounds like he is entering the final phase of his life. I think you should consider having him evaluated for hospice, they can make things so much easier for him and you as he gets more frail and needs more care, and they can ease the paperwork if you choose to have him remain at home until the end.
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At the end of life loved ones typically slow down their eating and drinking. call his Dr and alert him to the facts. Of course he will want to see Dad but if Dad refuses that is fine. No one is going to recommend tube feeding at his age or at least I hope not.
You specifically ask how long he can live.
Well no one can give you an exact answer on that one. He will steadily loose weight as he is only getting less than half the calories he needs so it depends on how much fat reserve he has and what other health problems he has.
It would sound like a good time to call in hospice for an evaluation. He will probably qualify on the grounds of malnutrition if he does not have another life threatening illness.
He may refuse Hospice care but you don't need to tell him that is what it is. You can describe it as a nurse coming to visit him because you are worried about him not eating. Without POA he would have to sign himself up so see if you can get him to agree to that. Couch it in terms of if you fall someone needs to be able to make decisions for your care tell us how much you would want done etc.
it sounds as though he has done very well to make it to this age in such good condition. I suspect he is just tired and ready to go.
I do not think there should be any legal issues if you have and offer food he could eat and he is otherwise well cared for, and you involve his Dr.
This would be especially so if you manage to involve hospice, They will handle everything for you.
So unless you do not want him to die at home or can not manage terminal care there is no reason to place him in a nursing home. he sounds very comfortable where he is. Just take it one day at a time and don't try and force anything. These old bodies know what they are doing, think of how an old animal dies humans do exactly the same thing. Unless there is pain or anxiety there is not need to start any meds.
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