How do you keep an elder warm without cooking yourself?

OMG I know your pain! My parents are even cold in the summer, and hubs and I are more likely to keep it cool. Its a no win situation. The folks have space heaters in thier room and bathroom, and we have several Amish style heaters in the main areas. They even have those pointed at thier chairs! Our electric bills have gone from less than 200 to over 400 since they moved in (luckily they pay that bill) They are all bundled up, under blankets.. sitting on the amish heaters...LOL Meanwhile Hubs and I are in tee shirts. I may never see my nice sweaters and tunics again. I have even driven home from work with the heat off in 40 degree weather! My skin and sinus are all dryed out, and hubs is about dying until they go to bed. Then we turn them all off and put the ceiling fans on.All the space heaters are the safest kind. or I'd be worried about the house spontaniously combusting...

When my mom moved in Oct. going into Nov. I though we were going to rip the thermostat off the wall. We also had gas logs that she wanted burning full blast. The dogs tongues would be hanging out. Finally I told her, we were on the way to her primary MD for something ,we were going to get her hematocrit checked, maybe she was anemic, she wasn't, She has Raynaud"s disease, the hands and feet circulation are affected and the person feels cold although the surrounding environment is warm. So I told her I would have to leave the house because she was wanting to keep it to warm and a compromise must be reached. We got her a great, safe space heater for her room which has a thermostat on it.Also my husband gets up about 0430 and turns on the gas logs hi for about an hour that is all we can stand so by the time she gets up the rest of the house is warm. We long ago disconnected the gas heat from the central air as my husband and I were burning up, the house is very well insulated and this was before she came to live with us.She was horrified the first time she saw me walk around the house in insulated underwear,I told her I don't dress formally for dinner either.We also had her thyroid check and it was fine so that ruled out the medical.The space heater she has ,there is a thermometer and senses the room temp,you set the desired room temp and it will cut itself off when the temp is reached, also if it gets knocked over it automatically cuts off.,it is electric.Also do you have gas heat, because that will dry the air so much you will get dehydrated, a younger person might not notice so much but it does effect the elders.I would stick with the electric heaters with the safety features. I've seen to many problems with kerosene heaters because people kept putting gasoline in them and then they would explode.If you get an electric blanket make sure it has a cutoff temp,My mom hates my electric heating pad for her back because it will only keep a hi temp for so long and then cuts off, a safety feature, I told her its better than falling asleep on in and getting burned.

There are fuzzy cuddle duds. Try an electric blanket style lap blanket and local space heater. Leave one room overheated and the others normal temp. Consider getting a lock for the thermostat. Don't let her eat anything cold. I hate the temp my mother and MIL keep their apartments at; about 80 degrees F. Ick!

When Mom visited me I used a small portable space heater. She didn't need it once she was in bed under the covers but we moved it to where she was sitting when she was up. Now in the nursing home they keep the temp pretty high but she still needs a lap blanket, a sweater, and fingerless mittens.

What Jeanne says in terms of clothing. My mom's NH doesn't seem to be that warm to me, but mom always wears a sweater. thing is, in IL, when she was able to control the thermostat, she always turned it up; opened the windows in the summer and turned off the AC. Temp generally hovered around 89, summer or winter. I had her doc tell her that this was NO GOOD for her BP (the absolute truth). In the NH, she never complains of being cold, simply wears layers. I think that at some point, their temperature regulation mechanism doesn't register anymore.

One secret for staying warmer, tuck in one's shirt into one's pants... it makes a big difference.

I have to laugh, when the new twist light bulbs came out, Dad had rushed out and bought new ones for all the lights in the house... he thought he would save a bundle on electric bills.... guess what?.... since those new light bulbs don't put out any heat, Mom felt colder so Dad had to turn up thermostat :P

I can certainly understand how the cold weather can be frustrating. On one hand I like it cooler, the chance of rain and snow too, but on the other hand mom cant seem to keep warm. Mom has been with us for 2 years now. During warm weather she likes to sit outside and watch the birds and squirrels. She will sit outside for 2 or 3 hours, or until Dr Phil comes on! Now that its getting cooler, doesn't sit out for too long anymore. It will be 70 plus outside but any slight breeze and shes cold. We put an electric heater in her room, this is the second heater so far. She has it on most of the day, I also put a fan in the corner to circulate the air. I bought an electric throw blanket this year, maybe she will like it too. One other thing is that my area uses propane and it can be expensive. Since we try not to use the furnace, I turn our oven on which is electric and warm up the kitchen for Moms meals. She likes that. Then she toddles back to her room to 'keep warm" under her blankets.

Sophe-I will look for the fuzzy cuddle duds!

Bedtime is not a problem as she has an electric mattress pad which she turns on before heading to bed, then usually turns off when she turns in. So I can turn the heat down for comfortable sleeping. It is morning through evening, and bath time (too cold to bathe, among other excuses, aughh!) I boost the temp to get the bathroom comfy & then strip down to assist her. I guess that is my sauna time Lol. I will look into the space heaters more as that seems to be the more equitable and moveable solution. Love hearing others' stories. Have a friend whose 90 yr old mom who still lives on her own & keeps the temp @84°. I could have it worse!

I too am a veteran of the thermostat wars. It is one of my worst problems here. I have to be ready to respond to any movement of the thermostat or my rabbits and I will be roasted. My father was so bad when it came to the thermostat. He was always cold, no matter how warm the house was. Anytime he passed the thermostat he would turn it up. Summer or winter, it didn't matter. The bad thing was it didn't help him. He had poor peripheral circulation, so no amount of heat would help. To make it worse, he refused to wear warm clothes.

My mother now is starting to get bad. A bad thing for me and her is that when I get too warm, I get grouchy and miserable. A good thing is that I have two separate rooms. In winter I can close off the vents and open windows if needed. Summer I insist on compromise and it is a battle I am winning so far. I would not be able to stay with her if it was too warm. I could get a separate air conditioner if the windows and outlets were different. The way it is now we would have to do construction work before I could add a unit (portable or window mounted).

Oh, and it continues to some degree (no pun intended) in the car! There is a blanket for her legs, but she still fiddles with her vent & complains until I remind her that if I get too hot I will fall asleep at the wheel. Is there a heated travel blanket that plugs into the accessory plug?

She has a doctor appt. soon. I will bring up Renauds syndrome, although poor peripheral circulation is probably the culprit.

I put a space heater in my husband's room. Has all the safety features. I walked in to find he had draped a cotton handkerchief over the top of the heater to dry. Fabric smelled hot but hadn't started to singe. I spoke to him about fire danger. He thinks I'm Chicken Little. One more thing to worry about (sigh)

I, too, have/am experiencing the problem of heat with spouse. I have been including a small amount of niacin with her meals and snacks. It has made life with thermostat tolerable.

Been there, done that. I've learned to pick my battles. In the bigger scheme of things making sure my 85 y/o Mom safely gets down the steps (while wanting to carry her purse, yesterdays newspaper and empty water bottles for disposal). In my mind, successfully getting in and out of a car or up from a chair or is well cared for trumps thermostat wars. Don't get me wrong, being uncomfortable can be infuriating for either party. Just another thing to "suck it up". We won't have to put up with those inconveniences forever (and besides when it's our turn to be geriatric set, gawd knows where our "touch points" will manifest).

How a little internal humor to diffuse.... like remembering as a child being being dressed for school like the Michelin man and gloves anchored to winter coats? My Mom still insists on wearing a THICK down parka with 2 layers of sweaters when the temps are in the 50s and I'm wearing just a tee and polar fleece going from heated car to heated buildings.

Ironically, as I'm typing this, the window in the room where I am is cracked open and it's in the 40s outside.

Not easy to deal with when the Caregiver is having hot flashes :P Being in a very hot room makes you feel sick to your stomach and ready to pass out. Don't want my parents to trip over me.

my mother who is also 87 uses a heated throw. She would be able to set it as high as she needs to keep warm. Mom also has a heated blanket on her bed she uses year round.

My mom was always freezing and we were hot. She was happy to have the heat on pretty much all year, and we live in Florida. She's not making it up. Her hands are freezing cold. We closed off the vents to her room and bought a small heater for her room and is temperature controlled and rotates. It is perfect. She stays warm and we can have the ac on for the rest of the house. Also, when I shower her, we go into my big bathroom and I have a small heater I keep there because she is freezing when she gets out of the shower. We warm her up and get her dressed before she comes out of the bathroom.

Oh this sounds so familiar..."can't you make it warmer in here I am really cold" ...and the thermostat is set at 76!!!
Well here are some of the items we have addressed:
1. Hot air vents have magnetic shields (plastic and less than $10 at hardware store) that direct hot air toward mom in winter and cold AC away from her in summer.
2. Got one of those electric fireplace/heaters that is also a TV stand. It does directional heat and since TV is pointed at mom's comfy chair - so is TV stand/fireplace. It has a timed heat element that is set at 72 degrees (wont go higher) and can be set for various intervals...easy for quick warm up. Also looks like it is heating when it is only being nice fireplace without heat.
3. Beanbag/microwave heat packs that can be heated and strategically placed (hip, stomach, back, feet) They also make a slipper version that has helped the "Renaud's" in her feet.
4. small polar fleece lap blankets (less than $4 at Walmart) are beside chairs and placed over mom.
5. radiant heater panel for bathroom. During fall and winter, it is plugged in to a motion sensor timer that you set for when it will turn off. We have it set to go on when motion starts and it goes off when no motion is detected for 5 minutes. Makes bathroom warm (I go and trigger it before mom goes in to bathroom for shower) and not a risk of tipping since anchored to wall.
6. Thin "cuddle dud" insulated underwear extra layer...and polar fleece PJ pants for everyday wear.
7. I have found "sleep quiet" tower fan with remote that I keep next to my bed for reducing heat problems in my room. And I close off the hot air vent in my room and close door to change heat difference.
8. Planning to install small flat panel fireplace/heater on wall across from mom's bed. Since it will be anchored and has timer no risk of injury and feels warmer.
Hope any of these can help.

I forgot...keep the humidity level up as the air feels warmer when moist and if cool mist humidifier, it can aid in breathing for all. I have the output aimed in the direction of my chair and away from her.

There actually is a back heated cushion accessory that plugs into cigarette lighter for car. Acts like a heating pad but can be attached to seat back and is made to be on the carseat so is safe and was lass than $50.

Some nice hot herbal tea, spiced cider, hot chocolate, or soup will help warm them up. Not a 24 hour solution, but a nice break and some comfort for a few minutes in the day.

I'm one of those who actually feels ill, nauseous, when overheated, so "sucking it up" and living with the hothouse effect isn't an option. When I'm with my mom I have to sleep with the heating vent and door closed (open just a crack so I can hear her if she needs me). During the day I do a lot of yard work, LOL.

dejavuagain, I agree about the hothouse effect. My sig other and I can't spend more than 10-15 minutes at my parents house... the heat makes it hard for us to breathe, makes me feel like I am coming down with a high fever, makes him feel nauseous.

OMG, I am so sorry for all you folks with chilly moms/dads..I and 79 and am always sweating and taking off sweaters when I visit others. Even the senior center is too hot for me! When my mother was alive ( she lived to 75) she walked every day just for the sake of walking to keep her blood moving ( she said.) Whatever, it helped. I walk myself ( I do have 2 dogs to care for which is great) and when I go to read to the little ol' ladies at our nursing home I know enough now to just have a light shirt on. They keep it at 85 ! My home is 66 in winter. So I guess it is good that my kids don't live with me. I only hope I won't ever have to go to a care home which would feel like a greenhouse for orchids.
I guess my point is we can never please everyone in our situations....I like your suggestions for the chilly folks... better hydration, get up and stroll, an old fashioned red rubber hot water bag, more cups of hot tea, fuzzy slipper sox, fleece and flannel clothes....and talking about how to compromise with Mom/Dad....

Sometimes there is no compromise.

I couldn't ask my parents to drop the heat by 8 degrees to be in the middle of the thermostat, she would sit there and shiver, I couldn't do that to her. It's not her fault that she is so cold... her hands are like ice. We just don't visit for more than 15 minutes :( And when my parents come to visit me, I do push the heat up to 72 so that Mom would be more comfortable, but as soon as my parents leave, it's back down to 68.

My house is quite sunny so I do get a lot of solar heat and all the drapes are opened..... my parents house get very little sun inside which I think makes a big difference.... if they would only open up the shades/blinds but Mom doesn't want to fade the furniture.... [sigh].

Dress her in warm clothing. For example thermal underwear. Long sleeves. A knit cap. Heat excepts though the head, too. A portable heater is OK if she or an animal, can't get to it. Make sure her blanket or quilt on her legs don't touch it.

I got dad a radiator type oil filled heater for near his chair, a small delongi. I believe they are the safest. He also has one in the bed room. When he had a taller one he would attempt to hang on to it to stand up...did not work so well. None of that trouble with the little one, and no fan noise.

I use a sunbeam heated pad on the back of his chair, or you could get a heated chair. I just saw that sunbeam or sure fit has a heated slip cover.

For me: I have been spared by a tall Dyson fan. Very little noise, feels like the air is cooled even though it isn't. I set it up pointed at my chair. It can also oscillate, but the stationary position is perfect, Dad does not feel it and I do.

Not asked but also useful. Dad is quiet deaf. I almost went nuts with the volume all the way up. We got Sony wireless headphones for him. It was a saving grace.

Layers are good, however I know what you mean when you say you are roasting. My dad has one of the infrared heaters, they put out a lot of heat and cost little to use. Use a sweater on top of her clothing that is layered. I have an electric throw that I purchased at walmart. It's smaller than a bed blanket and it warms nicely but does not get to hot. Those who are elderly or medically compromised feel the cold more so they need more heat.

My dear mother is 89 year old and she too is very cold natured; freezing all the time. I just try to remember that I too will probably be that way when I get older (if God grants me that much time on this earth). In the meanwhile, we all should think about the fact that our parents have certainly make sacrifices for all of us. So what, if we are somewhat uncomfortable at times. There will come a time when we all can adjust our thermostats back to our liking, but until then, I'm going to love and enjoy my dear mother and try to keep her comfortable.

Moms2love, I think most of us here do make sacrifices for our aging parents and like you we consider it a privilege. For the time I spend each year with Mom (93 with moderate dementia) I have to abandon my life to travel 3000 miles to her home and I'm totally willing to do that. (I have three other siblings, one of whom lives in Florida and takes her to his dysfunctional home when it is his turn. She is not happy there, so the rest of us offer respite in her own home.)

However the heat issue, as several others have pointed out, is not simply a matter of inconvenience or being "somewhat uncomfortable." It makes us physically ill. Not much help to Mom if I feel like I'm going to faint or throw up. What if I did pass out while trying to assist her? Not likely, but at 70 years of age I have to be realistic about that possibility. I don't have to be cool and comfortable, just not so overheated that I am sick from it.

Not all elders are cold. My Dad [93] is opposite from my Mom [97]. Mom will be all bundled up likes she's going the face the blizzard of the century, and Dad will be in his summer shorts, t-shirt and barefoot. He doesn't like the sauna effect that Mom insists she have in the house. The old saying "happy wife, happy life" :P

Like the others, I also feel your pain. My Mom was 95 and freezing in my 157 year old house (she joked that she was the original owner). When she came to live with me, I took great pains to keep her warm and, with the use of 3 small dogs layers atop her, I mostly made that goal. For me? I ran around in sleeveless summer wear and shorts. When I had to go out to the grocery, people looked at me like I was nuts in the 30F weather but I was happy to be cold!

Silk underwear is a great addition to her wardrobe. Silk is very insulating so it's quite warm and light weight at the same time.

I also wrapped her in warm shawls and bed jackets. You can google to find some really pretty ones so she won't feel institutionalized in these duds.

Finally, I used an electric 12V lap blanket when I took her to dr appts. I plugged it right into the cigarette lighter for 10 minutes prior to loading Mom in and off we went. She was toasty warm and I still had my window cracked.