What to do to keep 82 year old father safe? He does not want to live with us and can not care for himself! HELP!

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He is 82, Mom is 74. They lived in their own home up till three weeks ago when my mother contracted an infection and sepsis that put her in ICU and now in a rehab home. She cannot walk but gets around on a scooter. He has dementia and several personalities. We brought him to live with us and take him to see Mom every day, Both or either of them are no longer capable of bathing, preparing food, taking their meds, etc. Ever worse, he has a separate bedroom downstairs and the stairwell is very steep with narrow stairs. He has a bad knee that bothers him, and an artificial knee in the other leg. He walks with a cane or a walker. Their house was about to be foreclosed as neither made a house payment for a couple of months. Mom is now mentally "normal" and capable of decisions but he is not. What can I do with him? If he goes home he will be alone and unable to care for himself. He does not want to stay here with us as he wants to go home. I'm at a loss of where to go, what to do, or how to help him!!

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I'd call your Adult Protection department of Social Services and ask what can be done. Since your mother is cognitively sound, she may be able to help get him into some kind of living situation that works. Yes, he'll fight it, and normally, I think people should decide where they want to live. But this is a pretty drastic situation. If you have a local connection of an Area Agency on Aging, they too may be able to help. Good luck to you. This is not going to be easy.
Carol
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