Has anyone succeeded in transforming their anger with siblings into something positive?

Hi, this happened so much in family’s, my sister has had to move in with my parents as she is not well. My mum gives her such a hard time and says to her that she is using the house like a holiday house. My other sister use to live there and now mum and her talk about all the things she use to do and all the things that I other sister dose not do. This sucks I do not like seeing my mother put my sister down. Then my two sisters fight so there is to much to deal with. Sandra.

All families have one that steps up to the plate,While the other feels like there lives are more important

I have two sisters , I seldom talk to.
When my father died we had to come together to take care of our mom.

1. Does anyone know the mobile number of Karma? If yes, please give it to me asap.
** my daughter and I wanted to say " baahaha hahaha ha ha!" We absolutely loved reading this! Your humor is amazing and we wanted you to know that you are not alone. I hope you find a solution to the problem you face.

Dear fellow people in the same boat,
:)

Here is another GROUP BOAT HUG.

I’ll be gone for a bit.

Hello Karma

Are you both on their bank accounts? If not, get yourself on the accounts. I am on mom's accounts as an equal, it does not take both of us to sign a check. The attorney told me that when she passes, the money is mine to do what I want; although, it might all be gone from caring for her. The 3 sisters who are alcoholics/drug addicts were written out of the will anyway. They are going to be SO mad.

hello karma, fellow boat companion,
:)

you’re gone for a bit, but i’ll write anyway.

lemme try to answer your questions.

1. i can give you my mobile number? i’m almost like karma. i bite, scratch, can kick; and i can also be sweet and pat people on the back. that sounds like karma to me.

2. yes, i have succeeded at transforming my anger into something positive. i don’t know how long it’ll last. i’m 5 minutes into this.

hug!!!
courage, everyone :).

bundle of joy :)

If anyone HAS found a positive way to channel anger I want the formula.
I do know this: I am happy to be without my brother, sister and their families. So much less drama in my life. And something else, I do not, nor have I, missed any of them.
I am rich with good people in my life who care about me. I am happy even though I still cry for my parents.
I was a fierce and passionate advocate and caregiver for my father. It was easy. He was perfect. Sweet and cute and smarter than I ever knew when my Mom was alive. Dad always was quiet. He allowed my mother to have all the attention since she was very social and the life of most parties but in the best way ya know? After Mom, when Dad and I were alone, I really got to see that my Dad was smart. He also was popular, funny and had the best taste in clothes, linens etc . (My mom had picked out all that. When I brought him shopping I had him do the choosing!)
Sorry. Off subject.
I haven't a clue what to do with all this...angst! Resentment takes a backseat now to total disgust. My brother is living in the house he was entrusted to share with my sister and me. I say "take the house, everything in it and shove it! I had 15 years with Dad that neither of you had. Didn't visit, not even a phone call. I got the best part of this deal and you don't even realize that. I pity you."
So maybe being estranged from your brother isn't the worst thing. Jus' sayin'!

May I offer a different perspective? I would have given my thumbs for a situation where my elder parent lived in a different state, with 24/7 caretaking that worked for him/her/them. I would have been happy to manage from afar...You don't say what you want/need from brother...you can't ask him to provide companionship if he doesn't want to provide it. Perhaps you could ask him to take over the paying of bills, management of insurance, etc. He might be happy to provide 'management', even if he wants limited contact with your parents.

hello karma :),

bundle of joy here :).
i hope you're ok!! :) (and everyone here!)

i know many of us have terrible siblings: both through action and inaction. being ignored is a form of torture, too. rude. and of course affects us.

(for example often, terrible siblings ignore updates, even life-death emergencies; they don't want to risk you asking for help).

toxic people (whether siblings, parents, anyone) all do the same things, all over the world. rude, mean, LYING, brain-washing their victim/target with insults/false accusations (often falsely accusing you of EXACTLY what they're doing: projecting; in a way, confessing their guilt by showing you what they're doing, by pretending as if YOU'RE the one doing it). every time they do that, hold up a metaphorical mirror facing them, so that their words bounce off the mirror and go to them.

RETURN TO SENDER.

-------
abuse affects us. (don't pretend like it doesn't, because it does) (you'll see the effects on your body, face - just take a look).

then we need recovery time, then it starts all over.
it does not stop. (mean people enjoy; have too much fun being mean; they're not going to stop with their "fun").
------

about 2 months ago OP, you asked:
1. for karma's number
2. whether anyone was able to transform their anger

i've been trying (2.)
i've made progress since you posted your question.

i've come to the following conclusion:
some mean people want to destroy us, as much as they can before they die.

------
the nice things you see sprinkled here and there, in between the meanness, are fake; it's to keep you. they are actually 100% mean.

(i'm not saying this applies to every "mean" person in the world).
(i'm saying this applies to many).

1. this has liberated me, because i now understand much better certain people near me.
2. it has liberated me, because this pushes me to work harrrrd (on my career, for example), to ensure they DON'T destroy my life. (now that i know what they want).

i'm (justifiably) angry - but i also know it's impossible to be angry and happy at the same time.

to remain angry, would be for me to be DOUBLY "punished". first, "punished" by having to help my LOs alone, without my siblings' help in any way. second, "punished" by having (justified) anger inside me.

i won't allow that to happen.
i don't want that destiny.

------
i want a nice destiny. i wish us all a nice destiny.

------
if possible, stay away from mean people. they don't change.

------
as for karma's number - there must be a good reason why the universe hasn't texted us the phone number.

------
hugs from me, to us all! :) courage!
let's let karma take care of the rest. karma has a superb memory.

------
create your WONDERFUL life.
it's never too late, no matter what awful things you went through in the past.

bundle of joy :)

Oh for heavens sake. First, you've got to realize not all people are geared mentally or sometime's physically to be a caregiver. Especially men. At least he still calls once in a blue moon. If he were in their lives and doing the best he could, chances are you would be writing with other issues about him. Be glad you are in control so that you can direct your mom and dad lives where you think they should be, whether in memory care, caregivers coming in etc.
Stop using energy to be mad. It's a waste of your time. Be cordial with brother. Perhaps he doesn't agree on what you're doing either. Good luck.

you have a great sense of humor- "phone number for Karma!" That's funny! Your sense of humor will save you. I'm sorry you are going through this. I have two brothers. Thank heavens, they were both a great help when my parents died, but since then, one has developed a mental illness and won't talk to me. I hope you have lots of great friends and a support system for you. Don't forget, you are a blessing to the world. I don't agree your anger is wasted. it is giving you energy and protection. If you can, I would recommend meetings of Recovery International. It is great for dealing with the trivialities of life, and most big problems can be broken down into a number of trivialities. Recovery International can be found online, and has a number of zoom meetings.

This thread is from March.