Just wonder if anyone deals with pre-death anxiety of a loved one?

BTW, let me say that my therapist encouraged me to accept that I can lose ANYONE I love at any time.

Not just elders. We can lose our children, grandchildren, closest friends at any time or day. This a very sobering fact but it has really helped me to accept that I am not in charge of the universe.

Appreciate them while they are here. Done and done.

My mom fought cancer for 6 years when I was growing up, and passed away with the third return of the disease. The last four months were the hardest; she was home for most of it; I was in my senior year in high school, and working after school; Dad was retired and able to take care of Mom until the last three weeks. I think the hardest thing in that period was the night I came home from work and she didn't recognize me, probably due to the meds. The last weeks in the hospital our church organized relays of women to sit with her so she was never alone and Dad and I didn't have to be there all the time. We got the call at breakfast one morning that she was gone, and Dad and I spent the day making arrangements (I'm glad we had something useful to do!). I lost my job due to all the time I had missed; but that made it possible for Dad and I to spend the summer with my brother and his family. I went to college that fall (mom's alma mater; my acceptance was one of the last things she recognized). It took most of the next year to deal with it, but with things to do and new friends (one of whom had lost a mom not long before) it was OK. Dad took off and spent most of the next year visiting family around the country; he kept the house with friends and neighbors keeping an eye on him until he passed about 5 years later (I realized some years later that what had kept him going was worrying about me, his youngest and last at home. When he knew I had finished college and was engaged, he knew I was taken care of).
After my husband passed away 14 years ago, I kept working and kept the house, most of the the time with a friend living with me. I finally sold it about four years ago--that was a job, cleaning it out and dealing with stuff that Dad and I had not dealt with. I was able to move in with a daughter whose kids were out of the house in college, and her sister is local as well.
About six months before my husband passed (after 10 years of recurring lymphoma), he told me that God gives us a lot a choices in life, but this was not one of them. Later, there were times I had to tell myself that there was nothing I could do to change it, and I needed to just do the best I could. I have been well taken care of by my family, my business (I am still running the business my husband started before I met him and that we did together for 40 years), friends, church, and of course God. It has been amazing the things that have worked out for me that I could not have predicted or even guessed.

Edit: we sold Dad's house a few years after he was gone, but a lot of the stuff got moved to our own house, and had to be dealt with when I sold that one four years ago.

Thanks for the kind comments. We are on similar journeys, and I feel spiritual faith will help emotionally pull me through the tough time I dread of losing mom. I will have plenty to keep me busy with my college courses and I know I will welcome the distraction. In the meantime, I'll do all I can to bring her some joy. Plus make sure I already know the final plans so I don't have to deal with making decisions, when distrought. Please take care of yourselves, and each other. Everybody needs somebody. We do find strength in numbers. Grateful for platform this site provides for caregiver's.
Love and Light💜💝💜

Just hug and kiss her and tell her you love her everyday. I never thought about her dying I wanted her to live the best she could until the day she died. I miss her more then I ever dreamed I would. She was 87 and 11months. I know she had the best care (me)when she needed it the most and was surrounded by family for her final days on earth. I am thankful that I was able to do this for her. I know I get signs from her all the time and she will always be in my heart. My dad and brother are with her now and that is very comforting knowing she is with loved ones in Heaven.

No matter how much you worry, no matter how much you cry, or how much sleep you have lost, you can never be prepared for a loved ones death. I tried so hard in my head to work it out and be prepared for the death of my parents whom I was caring for about three years.
both parents had dementia, incontinence, bedridden, and other major health issues. they were declining quickly and I knew it. hospice came in and helped out. at that time I thought I was prepared to handle it. dad went in my arms and mom went three weeks later with me by her side. I fell apart. I lost it. I never expected to have them both go so close to each other to begin with. The lose is so painful even though I thought I had worked it out in my mind. when you are caring for people you love you can never be prepared for their death... its been about five weeks or so since their death and I still cant except the fact that they are gone. its just to painful. The only peace that I can find is that they are together ....
I hope that you are able to handle what comes down the road for you.
good luck.

I was touched by your email. I get brief "attacks" of sudden fear that I have missed saying good-bye to my mother. To have a mother that I have truly come to cherish and accept as a separate human being feels like a curse as well as a blessing at times. The best I have been able to do is really embrace loving and appreciating her in any given moment. Saying out loud (for the both of us) what I love about her and telling her a story that demonstrates the quality to which I am referring. My head knows that after she passes, I can continue to cultivate those parts of my mothers soul in mine and in that effort--her spirit will never die. Pick three qualities you love about the person and make a commitment to pass them on to others and her spirit will never die. That is what I was told several years ago when someone I loved died. That offers me peace sometimes. Other times, it seems like a bunch of BS, and I just don't know exactly how to live in this world without my mother. So the answer to your question is "Yes, I deal with pre-death anxiety." I don't usually go on forums, but your words caught my eye. The only way I know how to prepare for grief is to really love and appreciate in the present. It seems counter intuitive, however, people I respect offered that to me.

Salisbury, you are so right. Sometimes I have to stop and remember that I could just as easily go before he does.

Actually it was a blessing in disguise that I had to leave my Maryland home and move to Massachusetts to live with my mom who was living alone. I was dreading the middle of the night call, but I was there when she died, somehow lifting the anxiety. 

To Jazzy,

Yes! that is right! I often wonder if I will go before my mom and husband.

But for the present, keep on loving and doing God's will!

Such beautiful advice Phyton449!

Please contact your local Hospice . They can help you and your mother deal with her situation. Hospice will help you too after the death of your mother. Look into hospice support groups. Call your local Visiting Nurse Agency, most provide hospice services.

While my mother is not close to death she has suffered 3 minor strokes about 5 years, thankfully with barely any affect/effect on her.  However, I worry all the time (pre-death anxiety) and mentally prepare myself for her eventual death which is very difficult.

She has suffered tremendous pain for 2.5 years due to nerve issues (back and leg) making walking extremely difficult and sometimes she could not walk.  I thought I was gonna lose it myself watching her in pain.  I worried she would die. I probably need some therapy for this. But, I understand pre-death anxiety.

I think nothing prepares anyone for the death of a loved one. I think that if a person has pre-death anxiety or grief it is harder to deal with situation. For those people who may be the only caregiver and alone it is very difficult. May God Bless You.