Just want out. Advice?

I’m so sorry for your loss and to the OP for the desperation. I’m there too. I’m covered in bruises and was beaten with a heavy electric guitar Saturday. I’m on blood thinners. It’s likely I won’t survive his illness. I have no resources and am depleted in every way.

CaregiverL,

When they're not mobile anymore there isn't a real threat. You walk away and let them scream and threaten until they tire themselves out. Or make sure the doctor prescribes a liquid medication like lorazepam, xanax, halidol, clonipin, etc... and administer that medication the same way as you would to a dog, and hold their mouth shut so they can't spit it out.
This sounds harsh but sometimes it's the only way. When it's a home caregiving situation with one caregiver, there is no other way.
When the person is still strong and mobile with no problems getting around, they have to be in facility care. In-home caregiving is not safe then.

I took my father to countless medical appts for years, with differing opinions, and didn't deal with half the things with his care that you put in your post. I can't imagine what you're going through. If you can keep searching for docs until you find one that is helpful for the situation, that's great and would be a blessing to your mom as well. If you find at some point this situation is too much for you, no one could fault you. Plan for your own life and future, too, as best you can.

This forum is great for ongoing support. You can jump into some of the support threads (if you need a point to some of those, let us know) and post as needed. Or post new threads, too, whatever you want/need to do. You don't have to be alone in this. People around here give good input from their own experiences.

She has only been prescribed benzos once and it was just to get her to an appointment with another doctor she was being passed off to. It took a little while but she did a bit better. She really needed them 3 times a day. If you don't keep it in her system when you try to give her anything during her raging will spit it out, won't open her mouth, spit the water out, spit the applesauce out, spit the pudding out, bite you ........ Her GP and his nurse let me know he doesn't prescribe benzos. When she melted down in his office and he had an ambulance take her to the hospital the er psychiatrist said she doesn't prescribe benzos. She was in the geriatric psych unit for over a week and that psychiatrist refused to prescribe benzos. A nurse read me the notes from her stay and she was doing most of the stuff there she does at home and the only thing they gave her coming home from there was Seroquel. Even though the nurse said they had a standing order for shots to calm her and had to restrain her sometimes. The Seroquel does nothing. They'll only give her a low dose of that because of her age and the dementia. She has no quality of life whatsoever so why they care about the addictiveness I don't understand. She has so much anger that she tries to stretch and tear her clothes, sheets, pillows, blankets, the fidget blanket I got her, ..... to the point where she has bruised her fingers. And when she can't tear it she puts it in her mouth and tries to tear it with her teeth and has made her top lip swell doing that. And she keeps that intensity for hours. I don't know how she has the energy. I have video of what she does so they've seen it. I'm praying the psychiatrist she sees next will be willing to prescribe whatever she needs. I've heard good things abt him.