Follow
Share

My mother spends her days trying to find things in my house to destroy. It is relentless, all day long. If I try to stop her from breaking something or tearing something up she punches, slaps, kicks, puts her hands around my neck, knocks my phone from my hand, bites .... whatever she can do, and then later accuses me of being the one who caused it. I'm so sick of feeling like I'm under siege in my own home. She goes from door to door banging and kicking, gets in the oven, the fridge, the countertop, the bookcase, the entertainment center, the blinds on the windows, you name it, one after the other, over and over and over. One time today when I took something from her she literally growled at me. She cries, she screams, ..... when she was on the geriatric psych floor they said she bit them and would throw herself on the floor like a 2 year old having a tantrum. And yet I can't get any doctor to medicate her correctly. Her neurologist and two hospital doctors said it's psychosis and not just dementia. The psychiatrist at the hospital er says it's neurological and there's nothing more they can do on the geriatric psych floor so they won't admit her. Her GP doesn't like to give the type of meds she needs and wants a psychiatrist to prescribe them. He sent her back to the hospital, they gave her a shot and sent her home. Every doctor kicks it down the road. I have appointments for her with another psychiatrist and one with an elder care center to see if I can get help there. I'm so exhausted. I just don't want to do it anymore

After days of nonstop rampaging and no sleep I did call 911. Mom is back in the geriatric psych unit at the hospital. I had first called my brother and told him I was burnout and couldn't do it anymore. He said he needed a week. I couldn't wait a week. I hadn't slept and felt awful, so I called 911. When she gets out she won't be coming back with me. I know it sounds ridiculous but I feel sad and guilty I couldn't make it work. I pray they get her on something so she can have some peace. I just want her to be ok.
Helpful Answer (29)
Reply to SharonAS
Report
Kittybee May 10, 2021
You did the right thing for both you and her. Grief and disappointment are very normal and natural, and are probably exacerbated by your exhaustion. This is terribly hard. Be kind to yourself now.
(19)
Report
See 4 more replies
911. Do NOT go to the hospital with her and refuse to pick her up.

I know that this sounds heartless. But stepping back may be the only way to get her the help she deserves.
Helpful Answer (28)
Reply to BarbBrooklyn
Report

Sharon, you can call the police and report a mental illness case that involves domestic violence and destruction of personal property. They will respond and transport her for treatment.

I think that you may have to do this so that she can get the care she needs. It's just atrocious that no doctors are helping her.

You matter as well and you are out of your depth. Time for the hard choices.

I pray that you find a way to do this.

Great big warm hug!
Helpful Answer (27)
Reply to Isthisrealyreal
Report

This was in one of your previous posts: "There's no money for a home, and my brother basically gave the job to me. He only wants to visit occasionally. I had a terrible childhood, she was mean before and she's mean now. I get so sick of people acting like everyone is taking care of a national treasure. Bad people get dementia and need caregivers too. It's horrible."

And your mother is only 75?! How many years will this go on????

PLEASE PLEASE read and heed the excellent advice already given. You do NOT have to continue to put up with this nightmarish situation! It's clear that everyone, include the medical professionals, expects you to "put up and shut up." I hate that!

Are you the only one with POA, HCPOA? (I'm assuming you have those?)

I worry for your health -- physical, mental and emotional. You are a prisoner to your mother's illness. Keep posting here, and we will encourage you to remove yourself from this situation (remove your mother from your home).
Helpful Answer (24)
Reply to CTTN55
Report

Wow, this is horrible and intolerable.

Something needs to be done ASAP. How long has this been going on? She's got some serious issues that these doctors need to address! You can NOT live like this. She's going to seriously hurt you or herself.

If it were me, I'd call 911 next time she threatens you or is getting physical with you. This is abusive and her meds need some serious adjustment! I would say that I am scared of her. And once she leaves, I would refuse to allow her back home. If she is in a facility, I bet they will figure out the med situation VERY quickly.

Be careful and take care of yourself.
Helpful Answer (23)
Reply to againx100
Report

Next time she starts one of her tirades and gets physical, especially if she lays hands on you, call 911 and let the police or emt take her to th hospital. Let them know she is physically attacking you!! Maybe then she can get the help she so desperately needs. And DO NOT take her back to your home. Tell the social worker that she needs to be placed, you can no longer keep being attacked in your own home. Stand firm on this. Keep repeating if necessary. And shame on her drs that dont help her and you as well!! Hugs and prayers for you! Liz
Helpful Answer (21)
Reply to cherokeegrrl54
Report

SharonAS I am so sorry for what you're going through. A few weeks before my husband passed he was moving furniture and just trying to destroy everything. He was already on all sorts of medication for Alzheimers. His doctor increased Seroquel but it didn't help as it had in the past. Later I found out that he had pneumonia when it progressed. At that point though he would fight everyone and nothing was really done for him to fight the infection partly because he wouldn't let them and partly because they felt the Alzheimers had gone too far.

Your problems may be totally different from what I went through but I understand exactly how you feel. Could she have some underling cause like urinary tract infection?

What I discovered at that time when I desperately needed help, there was none. Nursing homes knew he was combative and would not take him. I never thought this could happen but it did. I thought they had staff that could handle these situations. I was forced to get Hospice in. Various types of medications did not help. In the end I had to call 911 and he was taken to the hospital where he was medicated and never seemed alert again before everything failed and he passed.

It was a true nightmare for me. I can only imagine what he went through but I didn't know what else to do.

I am sorry if this answer doesn't help but I just related to the experiences you are having and how you're feeling. I read a few comments questioning what you meant by wanting out. If you haven't been there like I was, you probably aren't able to understand the desperation in your post. I guess that is really all I wanted to convey to you.

May God be with you in this. Amen
Helpful Answer (20)
Reply to Sharonheart1942
Report
TobeyOrnott May 10, 2021
I’m so sorry for your loss and to the OP for the desperation. I’m there too. I’m covered in bruises and was beaten with a heavy electric guitar Saturday. I’m on blood thinners. It’s likely I won’t survive his illness. I have no resources and am depleted in every way.
(2)
Report
See 1 more reply
Hi,
I feel your pain.
im going to give you the nuclear option no one discusses but is the only answer when your own life is being destroyed.
The next time she goes to the hospital, don’t pick her up.
Talk to a social worker at the hospital and explain that you’re not safe in your house with her and that she needs to be institutionalized due to her psychosis.
I’m angry on your behalf that she’s been bounced back to you like that. Your own life is being destroyed and that’s wrong.
The hospital probably won’t be thrilled, but too bad. It’s unconscionable that the medical community has not helped you.
But you need to stand firm and demand that they find her an appropriate placement, not with you anymore.
I hope this helps you. I know everything about this hurts and your life has come to a full stop. But even though this may seem drastic, I think it may be your only option.
Best of luck and hugs.
Helpful Answer (16)
Reply to Yediah
Report
Sheilaworth May 11, 2021
Great advice!
(1)
Report
OMG!!! How have you managed to stand this for more than an hour!! She's going to seriously injure you. As has been suggested, when she starts on her next jag, call 911 (not non emergency number as it might take forever for them to get to you) and tell them that you are being attacked and don't try to sound calm when you make the call. Sound as terrified as you should be .... a little hysterical if need be. They will come and hopefully she will still be on a jag and they will transport her to a hospital which hopefully will transfer to a psych hospital. If necessary file a police report to document any injuries you have or damage to your home. Not sure if the home belongs to you or her but don't let them discharge her back to you!! Also get in touch with your state's Dept on Aging and get some advice from them as to how to best protect yourself while overseeing your Mom.

Good Luck!
Helpful Answer (14)
Reply to geddyupgo
Report

Stick to your plan, Sharon, to not allow your mother back in your home. When hospital contacts you for 'discharge' plan, just keep it brief and repeat..."There is no plan. She cannot come to my home. I cannot care for her or provide care for her. She is not safe here...." When the caseworker (or hospital whomever) tries to push the issue, just repeat..."There is no...I cannot care..." Let the hospital caseworkers work out a placement plan.
Helpful Answer (14)
Reply to stilldealing1
Report

See All Answers
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter