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My mom is in early stage Alzehemier's. (Thanks to a med study the progression has slowed remarkably, but we know it will still progress).
Though competent she repeats herself - a lot and sometimes the same story a dozen times in as many minutes. Other days she is much better - you just have to be prepared for how she is doing on a given day.



My vent - her siblings and other family members are unable to be patient with her and therefore don't call her for visits like they used to. Her sisters don't want to take her on a yearly trip this year, etc. I understand visiting can be tough - but they all call ME essentially asking for dispensation to not visit. Never have I made a peep about this, but now it is getting more frequent and I don't like it. I'm sad for my mom, but this having to take care of others and assuage their guilt is lousy. If I shut them down it will likely casue the very rify they seek to avoid.
That's it. That is my vent.

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You’re in a very tough spot because you are the person who is dealing with the bulk of everything.

I am so sorry that you are in this situation.
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I have to admit, if I were going on vacation, I too may not want to bring someone I may have to watch, like a child, the whole vacation. Not really a vacation. But then u can say "I am so sorry you feel that way because this is probably will be the last vacation Mom will be able to enjoy with her sisters." Nice BIG guilt trip. I would also tell them that you understand why they don't visit, but they are not being fair to Mom. Its not her fault that she has a Dementia. You know how hard it is to carry on a conversation because you deal with it daily. But, she wants to see them. Really, they can't spend at least an hr once a week with her. You know if it was the other way around, she would do it for them. (Another guilt trip) I would also tell them, that it is not you they need to apologize to but ur Mom. If they don't feel like they can come, so be it. But you really no longer need to hear the accuses.
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Honestly this would happen dementia or not. My father saw less and less of his friends because they also aged and had their own issues. One moved far away to be near family. Family members that made the long drive to see him no longer were up to it. I understand why the sisters do not want to take your mother on the trip as it is probably more than they can handle. But they shouldn't be involving you in that. Tell them to stop calling you about it, their relationship with your mother is between them and your mother. Suddenly you have to be the bad guy to your mom and deliver bad news. No.
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I would call them out and make them feel bad for not visiting.

Life has some very tough times and anyone without their own spine doesn't get to use mine to justify their poor behavior.

Tell them straight out that they can visit or not, it is entirely up to them to show what kind of friend or family they really are. But asking you to assuage their guilt is not happening anymore.

What jerks!
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I feel for you. I’m in the same predicament.
My mom asks why she has all these grandchildren & no one visits. I’ve reached out to the grandkids multiple times to ask them to visit & they don’t. I can’t make them visit!
It just sucks for my Mom that she was there for them growing up & they are not here for her now when she needs them.
It frustrates me too because she’s right, they should be visiting her, even if it was just an hour a week or every other week. They just don’t make the time for her. It’s sad how we make time for everyone & everything else, but not for the person/people that were our biggest fans growing up!💔😢
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I feel sad for my mom, too, as I see family and friends distance themselves because they are uncomfortable with the changes they see in Mom. I think it is common for folks to not know how to deal with their LO when change happens. I just keep encouraging them that I see the same thing and it is hard for me, too. Hopefully they decide to call and/or visit mom in the future.
It’s absolutely ok for you to feel what you do. Take time to get through your feelings!
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So sorry . That is annoying !!
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Hey, vent away! It’s okay with us. You didn’t ask for any advice so I am keeping my mouth shut and appreciating that you just need to get this off your chest.

Sending hugs and good wishes your way today!
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