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My mom and I took care of my farther for two years. It got difficult for both of us to change his diaper and clean him up on the days Hospice does not come. He has dementia so sundowners sometimes kept us up most of the night. We had to put him in a residential care facility. When we go see him he wants to come home and is angry at us. What do we do? We already feel guilty for placing him. He has just been there a week.

Don't visit for a week or so. This will help him adjust better. Then when you go back, tell him the doctor says he needs to stay there until he is able to do some things for himself or until he is stronger. Make the doctor the bad guy.

Have you tried telling him to stop being mean to mom? I think that would be my 1st step and then set boundaries for yourself.

I know the thought of saying anything or enforcing boundaries at this point is hard, but dying doesn't give free license to treat your loved ones cruelly.

I am sorry you are going through this. Hugs to all of you.
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