My father passed away in October after battling Parkinsons Disease since 2011. His birthday had been at the end of Aug. My sister had recently moved him to a facility close to her house. She posted an update about Dad having a bday party at the end of Aug. I live about 4 hrs away from her. I texted her to see if I was supposed to be at the party--I knew nothing about it. I let it go.
Of course, then he passed, then we had the holidays. I was just on the phone today with my mom and she brought up the party and asked if I was there. I told her I knew nothing about it. I realize now that I just repressed all those feelings and it really does bother me that I was not invited to attend my dad's final birthday party. My poor mom didn't even know what to say when I told her I didn't know about the party until after the fact. The past few months have just been a whirlwind and its finally settled down enough that I can actually sit and process everything. My mom even moved from VA to MA 2 wks ago! I really am angry with my sister for leaving me out, but I feel like there is no point in it, bc what is the point--he died--there is no way to make it up. Thanks for listening. I just have to soldier on.
I read ur previous post and the plan at one point was Mom and Dad were moving to MA near Sister but that never happened. Now Mom has chosen to move near sister. Does that bother you because u were not told of the move?
Seems Mom is closer to sister or sister is in a better situation? Feel free to vent. But out of experience, I would let it go. Keep in touch with Mom. Visit when u can. Do what you can for her.
No-once could know it was to be his last.
It's ok to feel hurt 😞. I think I would acknowledge the hurt then blow a kiss towards the night sky towards the stars & whisper Happy Birthday for back in August dear Dad.
Good point in saying that no one knew that it would be their dad’s last birthday. Of course this is what makes it even more difficult for snoopy1122.
It’s possible that her sister didn’t think to invite her sister since she lives further away. Still, it would have been a nice gesture if she had invited her.
Had she known about the party she could have had the opportunity to send a gift for her dad with a card saying that she would have loved to have shared in the festivities.
Maybe she didn't invite you since it's 4 hours away and didn't want to pressure you? Who knows.
I guess you're right - you just have to soldier on. Try to put the anger and hurt behind you and move on.
So, your mom moving from VA to MA - is that to be with your sister?
There is no point to it.
You can drive yourself about as nuts as you want to, stirring it into a swirling stew of--of WHAT?
I was just talking to my daughter today about things--she is in a bit of a swirl with the problems of the world, politics, problems with her own son, dealing with a medical issue herself and with my own medical issue, with whether to retire or postpone, and just a mind whirling through it all as tho someone put a mixer into the batter and set it to high.
My own Mom (bless you, Francie, for how often your words comfort me and for how you have never left me) had the expression that most things will just work themselves out with time, and all our fretting changes so little. She was always right about it.
You already know all of this. Don't dwell on the past, on the future. Today, address what you can, and do what you can be bring peace to yourSELF with whatever it is you love, with whatever beauty and kindness you can find.
And yes, do feel free to RANT. Sometimes we have to acknowledge that this world of "feelings" can just be too much.
I am so sorry about the loss of your father. My mom had Parkinson’s disease. I am also sorry that your sister didn’t invite you to the birthday party. I’m sure that was hurtful to you.
Were others invited? Even if she thought that you wouldn’t be able to attend, she could have invited you.
I understand why you feel that it is futile to address this issue with her since nothing can be done to remedy it.
Do whatever brings you peace. Everyone processes these things differently.
Some people want to discuss things in order to clear the air and express their emotions. Others find it pointless and don’t wish to rehash something that is painful.
Personally, I have found that whenever I have tried to explain how I feel and the other person doesn’t show any compassion or respect towards my point of view, then I end up feeling worse than if I work through my emotions on my own.
I don’t know if you and your sister have a complicated relationship, but if she is not going to care about your feelings, I wouldn’t bother to discuss it with her.