What do I do when I'm in joint POA with someone and they're making my life miserable? - AgingCare.com

What do I do when I'm in joint POA with someone and they're making my life miserable?

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I'm the primary caregiver and have been since mom got sick. She got half poa after dad died and has made life miserable since!

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Resign your POA and get your life back.
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Dealt with properly grrrr edit button please
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COuldnt agree more that it isn't financial abuse Abigail and CM wasn't suggesting FOR ONE SECOND that it was - what she was intimating was that people intent on making mischief have an opportunity to say that the POA has acted to take money from mothers account (where it can be shared after death) and placed it into sons account (where it cant be shared after death)

I am assuming that no direction or provision was made for what should happen in the event that .............. therefore the POA, while in reality acting in response to the mothers needs, and financial best interests could be said to be taking money from the central account to feather a nest - and THAT is financial abuse.

Once lawyers are involved and everything is laid out costed evaluated and death with properly then the only cost that could have been avoided ...yup ....is the lawyer!
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Sounds as thought full hired assistance would be needed here and the cost of that would start at least $200 every 24 hours. You would also need at least three reliable dedicated caregivers.
Bye the bye seagulls are also terrible thieves. At the beach they will steal food right out of someone's hand. As always follow the money.
Good work contacting the lawyer.
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I believe Churchmouse was speaking dramatically - you know, as in - if a man tells a female co-worker he likes her perfume, he is sexually harassing her.
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My dad hired my son to help take care of both of them when this all started. He said why not pay my money to family instead of giving it all to strangers! He is excellent with mom! She lights up whenever he walks in the room! She is 7 years post diagnosis (3 years past when neurologist said she'd be gone) and I attribute that to the quality of care she has gotten in the comfort of her own home. Sister wants to put her in nursing home and pay CNA to tend to her 24/7! Anyway I contacted my lawyer and will pursue from there. Thanks for your input. And financial abuse is waaaay off church mouse! He has put his life on hold to help with this situation! Monetary compensation is the least we can do!
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I would tell the sister you are absolving yourself of all responsibility and accountability and let her take it on lock stock and smoking barrels - see how far she gets especially when you ask to see the accounts quarterly.

I bloody hate seagulls - rodents of the first order and flying ones at that!

There is ethically nothing wrong with paying a grandson for out of pocket expense when he cares for his grandma and if he was doing a job of overnight car ehe would be given a room to sleep in unless he was doing waking care.

So it would be problematic to have a contract because it wasn't agreed to in advance. he cant be paid other than for out of pocket expense, so if you make him pay for example 400$ for his room and his out of pocket expenses for moving in are the costs of the room (because obviously he could live with you for free - said tongue in cheek but you get my drift), he perhaps has further to travel to work - additional cost and most carers eat with the people they look after as a social event and to encourage them to eat especially with PSP where swallowing can be a fraught and difficult time.

I don't think room and board is unreasonable at all - legally we need GA's input I think but it is sure as hell a bloody site cheaper than the alternatives and if she bitches about that small an amount show her what the real cost of care is - she might well sh^% up or even shut up!
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When you say your son is being paid for staying with your mother, who is paying him? It shouldn't be your mother, because she cannot have made a contract for care with your son and he being a family member you can't hire him as a paid caregiver for your mother either.

Your sister does also have a point about your son living rent-free in his grandmother's house.

Goodness... it's at moments like this that I realise how screwy the world has got. Your son is helping you take care of his grandmother, but in our enlightened times if she pays him pocket money and he doesn't pay her rent that's financial abuse. Not a kid helping his grandmother. Financial abuse.

And yet it could look that way, you know.

What does your sister want to happen?
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Mom has PSP so she can't speak. So her taking her off the poa can't happen. She is a seagull that comes from miles away every so often and just throws a wrench in all the gears. My son has been helping me stay nights over here and of course is being paid for it but she wants him to pay rent because he moved in a spare bedroom upstairs. It's literally a circus when she show up tho! False accusations of abide amongst all the other crap! She's just a miserable person trying to bring everyone down with her
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Shawn, the joint POA is a major pain in the behind for you, but it isn't doing your mother any harm. I'm not sure what grounds you'd have to apply for guardianship; and if your only reason is that you're fed up with your seagull sister I don't know but I'm not sure you'd get it.

You're familiar with seagulls? - the ones who fly in, make a screaming racket, crap all over everything and then fly off again.

To look for the silver lining, having your sister circling will help motivate you to provide text book care for your mother. Every cent punctiliously accounted for, every receipt kept in order, every appointment and consultation logged. These are good habits to get into in any case.

Does your sister actually have alternative suggestions for your mother's care? Is there something she is trying to achieve, or is she happiest complaining?
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