Hi guys, I'm in need of some serious advice here. We've lived with my mother in law for about 10 years and it has been a long tough 10 years. We love her...but we really can't live with her anymore. She is bi-polar, extremely incontinent, unreasonable, and sometimes verbally abusive. Mentally she is of sound mind. She has some COPD and some aches and pains from past falls an breaks in her middle years. Here's what we've been going through: 1. She refuses to wear diapers..not that they work very long when we get her to. And she has carpeting everywhere. It's her house and she absolutely refuses to get them taken up...so now we deal with an ever present smell of urine, moldy carpets, and a biblical plague of flies no matter what we try to do. The volume of incontinence is just so much we can't keep up both working. 2. She has bi-polar episodes, is almost always picking on me no matter how much I do for her, and starting fights with her son. My husband and her do not get along...they never have. Like cats and dogs, or oil and water all their lives. It's turned the house into a complete ball of stress hell for us for the last 10 years. I never know if I sit down to dinner if there's be an argument and a blow-out. I've tried playing peace maker but it's just too stressful...so I run away to another room now. She's mostly capable of independence, but does not do anything for herself. She leans hard on me for even the most minor things. If I go away to see family, she'll stop eating and taking her meds...so I can't even get away. She refuses home health aids and pretty much any help we try to get her. If it's not me...it is nobody. We're spiraling into depression and life has just gotten so hard due to her complete obstinance to every solution we bring.. We've tried to talk her into going into nursing care or getting in house care - REFUSED. We even got so desperate to try to get her psych-evaled and placed in care. Even got adult protective services involved. Their answer - She is of sound mind and although making poor decisions, they are her decisions to make. We've told her for over a year that we are just fed up and want to move out. We've tried to help her find solutions so we could try and co-exist, but it's her house and her decision to accept or not to accept our ideas. Now my job is asking me to move across the country. If I stay, I lose my 10 year career there. We need to go. We can't afford it in NY anymore. She says she is interested in moving too, but is dragging her feet on it for months despite our pleadings to get the ball rolling by taking care of finishing her bankruptcy and then contacting a realtor. She has to take the steps as we have no legal authority to do it for her. We're happy to play transport and assist where we can on this. We've even hooked her up with some great independent living apartments out there. Trust me it is healthier for all involved not to live in the same house. We want her near us but not in the same dwelling. Time is running out. I need to move by Feb 2018. We've already signed for an apartment. We keep trying to impress upon her that she won't do the things necessary to care for herself here, and she either needs to go into nursing care, set up a home health aid, or move out to Arizona with us. She won't be able to go shopping or pick up her pills. But she's doing none of the above, just sitting around and shrugging when we ask her what she wants to do. What are our options here? We are going to move and soon. My mother in law refuses to leave her house or accept home aid. She is under some misguided impression that she can just live in her house after we're gone, but we know she can't. She needs some help. Should we call APS again? What should we do? We can't force her to do anything. How can we be legally obligated to throw our lives and career away for one obstinate woman? Don't we all get the freedom to make our own choices?