Job interview - do I tell them about being a caregiver and time off needs?

Thank you everyone for all of your support and answers! It means a lot to be able to have a sounding board with others who truly know what we are doing in our daily lives caregiving, etc.

Just wanted to update that the interview itself went really well. They seemed to like me and I am glad I did the interview. It bolstered my self esteem and made me feel good that I can still compete at that level. I am in academia.

First I met with the interview panel and then separately with the director of the organization. It was with the director of the organization that I told her about caregiving for my mother and how I probably take an average of 1- 3 days off a month (not counting hospitalizations). She was very respectful and seemed to appreciate my candor. The way I phrased it was something like "I've done the hiring process myself on the other side of the table and I think it is important for you to truly get the whole picture of me as a candidate." She claims it would not be a factor in her decision.

At this point, if I were offered the job, I have reservations and may simply stay put where I am now. I'll contribute more to my Roth IRA that I have already started since the employee match at my current company will never return to us. At my current company, I am immensely grateful for the understanding boss I do have and great colleagues who understand. Can't put a price on that.

I agree with everyone who says stay put for now. I've been at my current place of employment for nearly 10 years and my growing care-giving responsibilities fit right in with my growing stature at this company. Even though I hope to retire in 8 years or so, I wouldn't leave this job unless an offer included 24/7 care for my mom in a location other than with me! I have built up the time off, the respect, and the flexibility to send an email at 9:15 that I'm WFH (working from hospital) because my mom thinks there are bars on the hospital windows! I would think long and hard giving up what you have earned over the last five years.

As for the company being financially shaky, they all are! I took the perfect job that I loved in July 2007 only to get laid off in October 2008 when everything collapsed. There are no guarantees. I don't know what your company does but you never know when an unexpected windfall could land in their laps.

If you do decide to change jobs, I would tell them during the interview process and not after you receive an offer. They will feel duped and you'll be off on the wrong foot. If the company is large enough and you interview first with an HR department I would explain your care giving obligations. If your care giving situation is like mine and you never know from day to day when you might have to make a mad dash to a hospital, then I wouldn't even consider leaving your current job until you have care-giving back up.

I've been taking care of my mom (and my dad when he was still alive) for about 15 years, with each of those years getting increasingly difficult. My advice comes from experience learned the hard way!

Dixie, your husband is coming from a position that is unknown to most men, IMHO. So I think that you know better what the pulse is for women in the workplace. No insult to any men, it is just that women have been the taxi services for so long that we just know how this goes.

I would honestly consider staying where you are if you can afford it. You have their support and understanding of the situation with your mom and that has a value that is probably greater than the retirement match.

Is your mom in a position to pay you for your time? This could be a solution to you increasing your contribution.

Let us know what you decide and how it works out.

Best luck, I hope you get what you desire.

Thank you all for your responses. Very helpful. My own take on this is that I do want to be upfront about it and tell them in the interview. My spouse disagrees and says I should not say anything until after I start working. But having been on the other side of the hiring process myself, I like candidates who are upfront about any different needs. I respect them more.

But my spouse and I disagree so I thought I'd throw it out there. He says I'm giving the potential employer a chance to say no to me for illegal reasons. My thinking is if I am out too much caring for Mom, technically I am fulfilling my job description as it is. I'd want to know upfront before taking that gamble.

Major kudos to the person who reminded me about PTO. I'd be starting to grow it all over again at this new job. Ugh.

Are you aware that if you change jobs you will lose your FMLA? Not only does the employer have to have 50 or employees but you also have to be employed with them for 1 year and have worked 1250 hours. So think long and hard about this. And what about your paid time off? Starting over a new employer may mean you don’t have any PTO available right off the bat. Can you afford unpaid time off?

I would be upfront with your potential future employer and let them know exactly what you need. If you do not disclose this pertinent information then you may be disappointed down the line if something happens and they let you go because you need to take the time off. I am in a very similar situation, I am 40 years old, I was half way through nursing school when my gram had a fall and needed to come live with me and my family. After I graduated I made the choice to pick up a part-time job at a memory care facility to gain more experience in taking care of my gram with dementia. At the interview I told my employer that gram is my first priority and that I am only able to work the days quoted. They were willing to work with me although they had their reasons as well. They are severely understaffed and have a hard time keeping employees. I guess what I am saying is that you may have to "settle" for something a bit different than what you expected in order to get what you need.

I would honestly stay put and increase my contribution to my retirement account.

If you decide to leave it is only fair to be completely honest with your potential employer. How would you feel if you got hired and started your job only to be told that you can only work for 4 weeks monthly and the other.33 weeks you are off payroll?

How would you deal if they said that they can't accommodate the time off and you will be replaced?

If you are forthcoming you can make sure that it works for all involved. I find hiding a known factor dishonest and I wouldn't be able to trust you as an employee and I would be replacing you. However, if you had a solution that would make it work for everyone I would be willing to give it a shot, but only if you were honest up front.

Well, how much time are you talking about? That would make a great deal of difference to me.

You are saying you require time off monthly? How much time? If substantial I think it would be dishonest not to let them know. I would make it clear that you know you are entering the door with baggage, as you say, and have every intention of proving your great value to the company. That you wish to be honest with them.
I am kind of surprised that most companies haven't stopped matching now, but clearly you found another who will. You do have to think of yourself. Have you gone to the employer you care about very much and explained why you are leaving, and that you wish it wasn't necessary? Perhaps your compensation would be bumped up. Seems you do have job offers out there so you likely wouldn't lose your future should eventually you have to leave.
It's a hard decision. It would be hard for ME. Wish you luck. Hope you will update us.

I would wait until they make you an offer, that's when you will have the opportunity to negotiate your contract. Although if you expect to take a lot of time off and aren't willing to compensate with extra evening/weekend/work from home options I wouldn't be surprised if they withdraw the offer.