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Not having a job means no earned wages. You will not be able to add new money to a 401(k) or IRA/ROTH IRA unless you earn wages. Think about how much sacrifice it takes to quit work to care for a loved one? Your own retirement is on the line. Who will take care of you when the times comes for it? Medicaid? Your own assets may be gone long before your parents' current age.
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I was Self-Employed, but took some time off to help my Mother after her eye operations, etc. but also, during this time, ended up providing free daycare to my Grandchildren, that was 9 YEARS ago. Then I realized something. My Mother and her 2 younger sisters NEVER did this for their own Mother. They all worked full time, until they retired, and never had to take a day off to help their Mother (my Grandmother). The reason is that my Grandmother had a niece who was just 15 years younger than her, that niece was retired, and available 24/7, she loved my Grandmother, so they spent every minute of the day together, and also lived a few blocks from each other. My Mother and her sisters would see their Mother on weekends, but not all the time. My Grandmother was willing to spend the weekends at their houses, which was much more convenient for my Mother and her sisters. My Grandmother lived in very small one-bedroom apt. while My Mother and Aunts had large houses. My Grandmother had her own bedroom and privacy while staying with them. However, I do not have the same luck. I took time off from work, and I stayed at my Parents house, a TV which was very old, and no internet. Well, not that bad. However, my Mother refuses to come and stay at my house, no way, which would make it so much easier for me. I get so angry about the situation. I went to counseling, which did not help that much, and now feel that I need to find another therapist, I need help dealing with my stress and guilt. I always feel guilty, if I don't go to my Mother's more often. Thanks.
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I so agree, Countrymouse. Even if we don't get the job or accept the job, getting interview practice is priceless. Smeltzer, it sounds like this one could have been successful if you could have worked out the hours. You must have impressed them. I hope you can find something that has the right hours.
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D'oh! - Sorry, I'm as blind as a bat sometimes.

Well a good interview is never a waste - you've given your confidence a boost at least, and even knowing what wouldn't work still helps to clarify what you do want to look out for next. Hope the right job comes along very soon, some outside structure and independent income has got to be good news all round. Well done, happy hunting! x
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First rule of caregiving...take care of yourself first. If you don't, you won't do a good job for your loved one. I know this sounds selfish at first, but think of it the way the airlines do: put your oxygen mask on first. God bless.
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If you get the job, do it for yourself. With the right attitude and assisted living for your parent, you can make your own schedules work out. Otherwise, how will you yourself survive and eventually help take care of yourself in your own aging years??
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I took on the 24/7 caregiver responsibilities for my mother with cancer, now alzheimers and some dimentia settling in. The warning signs she could not balance her checkbook started showing their ugly heads three months ago. The job has become progressively more difficult, espcially when she can't remember my name.HOWEVER, I left my job 16 months ago to care for her full time and have been without income since. I have been forced to turn down high paying jobs in other states. I am seeking some form of caregiver pay through IHHS but they are stalling and do not retrun calls. It is a tough battle. I am exhausted and funds depeleted, so I see why an interview for a new job would interest you. I say take care of your mother and hang up the interview for awhile. You can resume your life later again - don't worry -- seek GOD -- he will comfort and guide you as he is doing for me. My best to you - William
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I find that seasonal jobs are a great way to go. You can work for a month or two and since it is only for a month or two they are generally willing to work with your hours. I worked at a halloween store for the last two months. It was great to have an excuse to get our of the house and have some face to face conversations with people. I only worked one or two days a week and it was always around my schedule with my grandfather-in-law, so that made it very convenient.
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I posted kust above you Countrymouse.
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Any news? Hope it went well x
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The interview went okay, but i did not take the job. The hours were 3 days a week and every single Saturday, just could not make it work. It is okay i will keep looking and the right thing will come along. She goes to a care center a couple days a week..but it is expensive.
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I have been toying with the idea of returning to work part-time but I am fearful that my mother would fall or worse, set the house on fire. I don't have the energy like I used to at my current age...62 to care for mom alone, babysit occasionally for my 2 year old grandbaby, housework, cook and then try to work? I could not focus on my job without thinking what could be happening at home. Moreover, I don't have the money to hire caregiver aids or to transport my mother to an adult day care center. I wish there was a resolution to all of this, but sometimes you just have to bite the bullet, stay home with mom or dad and pray for God to give you strength to do it all with perseverence. I am now looking in to getting some help from my church that has a ministry for caregivers in the community..I have taken the step, called, but have not heard back....
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Smeltzer-
How did the interview go? I have had four interview in the past two years. I have not hidden the fact that I am a caregiver as well. Naturally, they are concerned about how I will handle job tasks. I am inclined, like daughter and burntout, to wait it out. This is a 24/7 job caring for my mom in spite of also using day care for her. There are other caregivers at the center, but they all have hired caregivers that come in three hours in the morning to take care of dressing, feeding, and transporting, then another three hours in the afternoon. My mom spends about six hours at the day care, I could increase it to as much as ten hours for the same cost. But I would never be able to get mom up at six to have her to the center by 7:30, when they open, then pick up by 5:30. It is just not feasible especially when you consider that I would need to be at work ready to do my tasks. Then what if something happens that I need to leave? What if there are doctor appointments?

Siblings live in town, but their work schedules would not allow them to assist, to say nothing of their attitudes. After spending 30 hours a week at day care, another 138 hours remain in a week, with hopefully, if everything goes right, including no insomnia, 56 hours sleeping, leaves 82 hours available. In my area the average commute is probably 45 minutes, another 7 hours are gone. I am not willing to adjust my mom's schedule to accommodate mine, everything I do is on her schedule. If she sleeps late, then we just go to day care late.

What we all need is a new classification for employers like family-friendly is used now to indicate flexibility for kids doc appointments, etc. But there should be caregiver friendly employers that flexibility is also standard, and also the ability to work from home. Once we are caring for our aging parents, schedules go out the window, it is just too unpredictable to live life on a specific schedule to allow me to work other than here.

And while I am thinking about this. Remember back in the 50's, 60's and 70's how being a housewife and mother was not considered work? I am often asked "so, you are just a caregiver?" Or "when are you going to find work?" Even siblings think I should be able to handle both. But they forget that even they stopped helping almost two years ago because working and spending alternating weekends became too much for them to handle and work effectively.
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I see your interview was two days ago...I hope it went well! Others have asked what you meant by not wanting to hurt your mom. I'm assuming you either meant her feelings, or you're worried that she'll be home alone while you're working? In the first case, I think you can maybe just try explaining to her that you need the money. You could even tell her that this opportunity was just "suddenly" offered to you, and it sounded so fun, challenging, etc that you just couldn't say no. She doesn't need to know that you're seeking employment to have a break from her, an outside life that doesn't involve being a caregiver to someone else.
If you are worried about her being alone while you're working, maybe you might want to look into respite care- having someone at the house with her while you're working. There may be a nearby Family Caregiver Support Program that might be able to help you set this up; sometimes people may even qualify for some financial help with respite hours. Or, you can hire a private pay caregiver or home care agency to provide this care while you're away. This way, you can concentrate on work (or also give yourself time to run errands, hang out with friends, spend time on a hobby, go shopping- whatever you want!), and not have to worry about getting back home because you're worried about her. This respite care goes a long way in helping you maintain your own health and sanity.
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Good luck on the interview. I'm sure things will work out how they are supposed to. I have struggled with being an accountant assistant and making great money then got put into this caregiver role for mom and moved in with her for 600 bucks a month. It's been tough but I have adjusted and am just thankful that I can spend the last years with mom. I have struggled with getting a job or not getting a job for extra money for sure. Mom says yes work then no I need you. I am thinking with her decline I will wait it out and do it when I'm no longer able to care for her medical needs. Tough one.. Good luck and God Bless
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Hurt her in what way? Her feelings? Curious but why would you working hurt feelings? If they ask just say y'all can use the extra money for goodies and whatnot. RE: the interview? Smile and be yourself. Good luck! Blessings!
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You have to do what is best for you. Make sure your loved one is safe and well cared for. You will be more pleasant to be around if you take care of yourself first.
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I completely understand the need to work for financial and personal reasons. If you can do it safely for the person you care for, do it. I did try working 30 hrs a wk and kept getting pulled back by my mom's increasing need for me at home. Hope it works for you.
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My only advice is to be yourself and show them you're the one for the job. Fingers crossed for you!
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