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It's a huge adjustment but I'll figure it out. But my son gets very frustrated and angry whenever I forget something or make an error. I feel humiliated and hopeless. My memory isn't likely to get better so am I just supposed to accept his harsh judgment -- a constant reminder that I am less than I used to be and very unworthy. It hurts like hell.

Direct your son to this forum, maybe even this thread.

You are not the problem: your son now needs to educate himself about cognitive decline and memory loss. There are strategies to use so that your interactions are more peaceful and productive. I understand him totally, as I was him not long ago. It takes a while to change how we relate to our LOs with this issue... I've built up 66 years of a pattern with my Mom, seeing her one way only and expecting her to be a certain way. It will take him time to practice thinking before he reacts or responds to you. He will get there eventually, but he needs to be intentional about it.

Teepa Snow has some very good videos on YouTube you can refer him to. May you both gain peace in yours on this journey.
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Reply to Geaton777
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I’m so sorry you’re feeling that way. What you’re going through is already hard enough without feeling judged on top of it. Your son may be scared and overwhelmed too, but that doesn’t make it okay for him to take it out on you. You are not ‘less’ or unworthy — you’re still you, just facing a tough diagnosis. If you can, maybe let him know calmly how his words make you feel, or ask the staff to help guide those conversations. You deserve compassion and respect in this chapter of your life.
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Reply to TenderStrength5
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My brother was like that with my father. I sat back, watched, and listened to my brother constantly correct my father. He wouldn't accept that my father had limited capabilities. It was very frustrating. My father loved my brother, so he wouldn't say anything.
I finally had to remove my father from that toxic living environment, and he was so much happier. He lived in Florida for 8 years with me, enjoying life.
I'm sorry. (Memories are still fresh.) My point is, the constant reminder is not suitable for your decline. You need support to live your best life during these upcoming years. My father lived with dementia for 16 years, and he did not pass from side effects of the illness.
You can live a happy and healthy life surrounded by positive people who reinforce you. Do you have options, and if not, would your son be open to counseling to understand the illness?
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Gamgem Sep 4, 2025
Excellent initiative to remove your dad from the toxic environment. Well done. Thumbs up
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I'm glad that you are now somewhere safe and will be looked after 24/7. Your son needs to educate himself more about the disease of dementia, so he will be a bit more understanding.
And if he can't/won't do that, then perhaps you may have to tell him not to contact you until he can be more understanding, as you deserve so much better.
May God bless you and keep you.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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You are definitely not less than you used to be!!! Your abilities have just changed. Memory loss, dementia, does not make you less of a person. You are still valuable.
My dad started out with MCI 16 yrs ago. He is now in a nursing home with Alzheimers. Over the 16 yrs he has lost the ability to do a lot of things. But he is still my dad. I love him as much now as I ever have. When I’m having a bad day, I can visit him & may only get a smile, but it goes straight through me & makes everything better in that moment. He still has that power.
So please remember you are valuable. Your son hopefully will learn more about mci & dementia & be able to handle it better going forward.
Best wishes to you both as you deal with this new reality.
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Greeneyes60 Sep 4, 2025
God bless you, Ltracy. My father lived with dementia for 16 years. He made my life better when I was with him. He was a strong person who was determined not to let dementia take him, and it didn't. His heart was working great the day he passed at 89. He waited for his sweetheart to come and spend time with him. Then Jesus came and took him home. Cherish every day!
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Remind your son you taught him basic life lessons when he was as young. How to eat, speak and behave! I take care of my 96 year old dad. I feed him, shower him, clean him and give him a safe place. Just like he did for me and my sister when we were young. We hope your son finds his way to a softer heart.
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Reply to Trooper731
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I agree he should not be mean, but honestly I think a little mutual compassion would go a long way. You may not be aware of your own level of forgetfulness or repetition, and, while he should of course do his best to avoid taking his frustration out on you, he is also human. If he’s encouraging assisted living it’s likely because he’s afraid of what the future might hold. If you can afford it, I think assisted living with a continuum of care option is more than worth starting the process for, it’s what I would do. And I also agree that he too does and will need support on this journey, because it is not yours alone.
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Reply to DepressedMom
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MiaMoor Sep 6, 2025
Mutual compassion? I don't know why you think the OP doesn't have any compassion towards the son. There isn't anything in her comment to suggest that, and she is very entitled to her feelings without criticism.
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You are (and always will be) worthy. Your son is likely scared of the future transition of having to be a caretaker instead than you taking care of him. If he cannot accept the fact that we need some help as we get older, you may be better off in AL rather than in an abusive environment. Many AL offer activities and a supportive and fun social environment, an ex colleague of mine who lived alone moved into one after retirement and loved it.
What we may lose in memory as we get older is often balanced by increased patience and kindness, You have a lot to offer. Find a place that recognizes that, if your son cannot accept your changes. I am sure he loves you, but he is afraid. I am sorry you have to go through this. You deserve happiness.
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Reply to AnnaKat
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Tell your son what I've told mine a few times in the past: dont come back here until you've changed your attitude and developed a bit of compassion and respect for your mother.

Men in general, at least some of them, tend to think they know everything and have serious frustration levels with us mere mortals who suffer from any kind of deficit. Be it a hearing loss, cognitive decline, or a set of rules we've asked them to adhere to. Snicker. Give him a taste of his own medicine.

We ALL have issues to deal with, and we ALL deserve kindness from our loved ones. Unless we are dishing out vitriol ourselves, then all bets are off.

Take care of YOURSELF, my friend, and stand UP for yourself as well.
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Reply to lealonnie1
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I’m really sorry you’re feeling this way. What you’re going through is such a huge adjustment, and you don’t deserve to feel humiliated. Forgetfulness doesn’t make you “less” — it means you’re human and dealing with something very real. Sometimes loved ones lash out from their own fear and frustration, not because you’re unworthy. You still matter deeply, and you still have value, even if your abilities are changing. Please be gentle with yourself. 
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