I've made my decision to not tell my mom about my Cancer.

JH, how are you doing?

Even though I said I was on the fence..
I think you have made the right decision.
More important it is the right decision for YOU and that is what matters.
I wish you well with your treatment. 🙏

Sending hugs!!

This comment box is in error, please see my post because I have just survived colon cancer treatment and surgery.

Hi there. I was formerly on this forum for years (as "Upstream") but bowed out, and I have returned upon seeing your posts. I have just survived the colon cancer protocol. I was diagnosed during a colonoscopy in August 2024. No significant symptoms but was a little "off". Lots of upfront scans & labs. I was 57 at diagnosis.

Plan of care: 6 chemo treatments (one every other week) for 3 months, then surgery to remove the shrunken tumor, then 6 more chemo treatments in the same way as the first (this was just for reassurance, but my surgeon did not think it was necessary - of course my oncologist did because the treatments were done at his office for $5500 each!)

September 2024: Port placed in my chest (ewww), chemo started a week later. I had the first six treatments through mid-December. It was not as bad as I pictured chemo. I never lost my hair, I never barfed. I was very tired and had to get a lot of extra sleep. But I was able to work (primarily a desk job). I did have heartburn and food did taste a little funny. I did not lose weight, I actually gained weight because I started focusing on richer foods (lots and lots of peanut butter and other soft but high calorie, high protein foods).

January 2025: Surgery. Terrifying. I had laproscopic surgery, removed a part of my colon (eww). All went as planned, no bag, no stoma. I spent 3 nights in the hospital and was eating solid food and pooping by the second day. Recovery at home, lots of rest, hard to walk around, but I did drag myself to my desk most days or at least try to do laundry, or something like that.

February 2025: Re-started chemo. I was worried because I barely had time to begin recovery from the surgery (it had only been 3 weeks!).

April 2025: I rang that bell. Now comes labs & scans but so far, so good. The junk they removed from me during surgery (including 30 lymph nodes) biopsied out to a best-case scenario for me, as there was some concern about lymph node involvement.

My Mom: she has been in assisted living for 5 years. I did tell her the day after my colonoscopy. I am an only child and my mom has no other family or friends within 2,000 miles. There was no other way for me to explain that I would be absent for a while. I did minimize the situation to some extent and I ended up speaking to her on the phone almost daily to provide "proof of life" (haha). She handled it OK.

That being said: My doctors stated clearly.... I HAD to prioritize myself and my health. This was about ME, and not my mom or my other responsibilities. Physically, I was able to hide my situation. My hair looked good, I gained 10 pounds. I am lucky that my husband really came through for me. We have no children but we do have a good support network of friends who brought food over and even took me to a few appointments.

I guess cancer is never really over. But then, so are a lot of other medical conditions. I am living each day as if it is my last. I am going to retire early and start spending the money I have worked for all these years and saved up. This was a wake up call for me and my husband. There is no indication that cancer is present in my body but after being sidelined for 9 months for treatment and surgery, I am getting back on my feet and living large!

Hoping the surgery goes smoothly and wishing you a speedy recovery!

If counseling recommends make it about you, and you agree, then follow this. Hire help for mom and protect your time for yourself. Good enough is okay., Do what is best for you. If your mother was whole and healthy, that is what she would want. You deserve your undivided care and attention to accomplish your healing. Hire help for mom or place her in a care facility to meet her needs. Right now, your needs come first and make sure you lead with that. Can’t do. Can’t take on. No.

Thinking of you and offering support on your journey.

Good decision .

Glad that you have a decision YOU are comfortable with and that's the best you can do with any of this.
I full well know the worry and fear my own cancer causes to those I love, and it is difficult. When you are able, with an aged loved one, to spare them, then it is perhaps your best decision knowing your Mom.

None of this will be easy. My own second cancer in my lifetime (the first 39 years ago, the second within the last two years) is likely what will take me out. For TODAY I am on this side of the grass. And I will live each day there the best I can. I have had chemo (first cancer) and it's tough. I had radiation. This time. Less tough. And had surgery both times. You get through the day and the night comes. I am s/p radiation now one month out and beginning to feel myself again. But with these cancers you never know what THEIR plan is and what THEY are up to until you know. So live each day best you can.

We are all here and sending you our best thoughts however we send them, via just sending our best wishes, or believers sending up a prayer. At 82 it is easy for me to say that SOMEthing, be it cancer or something else would be on its way to send a grim reaper to my door, one not wanting candy corn, but to take my hand. Be that as it may, as I said, for TODAY I am on this side of the grass. And I will very gratefully hang on to that.
Good luck
Keep us posted!

Good idea.

Try to keep an attitude that your body is strong and resilient and will recover well from the treatments and surgery that will rid you of this cancer. With stage 4 throughout my body and a total of 2 double treatments of immunotherapy, the cancer was killed in my body. With surgery afterward to repair my spine from damage from a tumor dissolving, I'm able to walk. The human body is an amazing thing. Have faith in it and in yourself that you CAN get thru this with God's help.

My daughter bought me an amazing little book of daily readings called 50 Days of Hope, on the subject of cancer. It's daily inspiration for your journey thru cancer, written by a survivor. Available on Amazon. It helped me get a better, more grounded perspective on things.

Best of luck to you. Keep us updated please.

Good luck tomorrow and through your treatment.

I think that you are making the best decision for you and you are what's important right now and for the foreseeable future.