I work for a lady who is very wealthy and I've noticed that her best friend and her son and daughter-in-law are very interested in her wealth even though they are wealthy themselves. My client is only 68 years old and only has minor memory issues and has not been diagnosed with dementia or Alzheimer's yet. These people are pushy and bossy, telling her what she needs to get rid of and what she needs to do. As a caregiver, I obviously don't have the right to make comments, but I really don't like it. I think they are taking away her independence and making her more anxious than she originally was. It's tough to stand by and watch... Any suggestions?

Find Care & Housing
If you suspect they are abusing her, please report it to the authorities. If you have been hired through an agency, report it to your employer.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to Taarna

monicamarie: While 'kind' of you, the caregiver, to notice these particulars in regard to the client's financials, it really is up to her attorney, certified public accountant and/or financial planner to handle this issue.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to Llamalover47

I am going to point out the obvious, she has a caregiver, she is not hunky dory.

What money any of them have is none of your business and I would be concerned if you worked for my loved one.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to Isthisrealyreal
peace4all May 9, 2022
I disagree and I think your answer is on the harsh side. Based only on what she says she seems to care about this person. Too many people let employers/business get away with too much because we need our jobs. But this is a person who may need "other" family.
Very, very tricky here. They may be bossy because they don't know any other way. They may think that they have to be bossy because that is the only way they can get action out of her. What you think is bossy, may be normal to them.

Assuming you can have time just with her and no one else around , see what she thinks. See if the behavior bothers her. If it does, then take action. If it doesn't then it is time to be reassigned.

You are a caregiver, a caring, compassionate person. However, you don't know what the family dynamics was like before you came and before she needed you. I would tread very, very carefully.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to ChoppedLiver

Anonymous call to ADULT PROTECTIVE SERVICES. This situation is called, "Elder Abuse." Thanks for caring about her and not just your job! Kudos to you.
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to ConnieCaretaker

Maybe the lady needs someone to say to her "You do not have to put up with this bossiness even from a friend"

Maybe, as her Caregiver you can find a way of telling the friend that the way she approaches the lady causes her anxiety she does not need.

Does the lady have family. As a private hire you can tell one of them what you see letting them handle it. If hired thru an agency, speak to your supervisor and have them call a family member making them aware.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to JoAnn29

Do you work for an agency?
If so, feel free to discuss with them, making it first CLEAR that you UNDERSTAND fully that you yourself cannot do anything about this, but that their actions (be SPECIFIC) worry you for your client. Then follow their advice.
If you were hired without an agency, I would maintain silence about your elder, who is not yet incompetent, and about her business as to her friends, and whether she chooses to keep those friends.
I might have other suggestions if there looks to be financial abuse here, but I would need you to be very specific about what you saw or heard. That could be reportable to APS or to the family member who has hired you. But again, it would have to be very specific and very carefully worded.
It also concerns me that you feel there is some anxiousness on the part of your elder. Do you believe she is in fear of these "friends".
You need to take great care with accusations or reports to others about the friends of a person, as friends just aren't your business. You need to be certain it isn't some personal grudge you have against them for being bossy to YOU.
I wish you the best. (And if they ARE bossy with you, just gently tell them that whatever they just told you you will discuss with your elder when the two of you are alone, and you will follow her wishes, as you were hired to do).
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to AlvaDeer
ckrestaurant1 May 9, 2022
Getting into family dynamics and dysfunction within the family as an elder is failing is a caregiver you are not in a position to order behavior towards the client elder...just keeping her safe...what is safe?....emotions run amok when someone is aging out and objectivity is important when assesing how the elder is reacting to the orders or suggestions as to why they are pushing the elder they want her in a NH perhaps?are they waiting for a medical crisis...ask the elder?......willy nilly coming into someones home ordering her to get rid of her things implies death...get a move onto where you are going...etc.causing anxiety if only people would just treat the elder like a child that you are guiding....yes that means lying and being agreeable....but this person is not that old for Gods sake....i have just had a aunt die at 97,my Dad was 98....Mom 90 if people looked into why these people were long living other than that they were God fearing Mediteranian stock....i would say they had their son living in the home and he did not give a hint of discomfort until one year before their downward mental point being pushing someone out of their nest and actually it sounds like this woman is surrounded by selfish,resentful o my you are stepping into a fire keg...............
so upsetting an elder and giving her anxiety due to their wishes is projecting by this family.
Your post is unclear. Is it the client's son or the son of the best friend? From your phrasing, I got the impression that it's the best friend's son and his wife.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to NYDaughterInLaw

Is your caregiver position through an agency or are you privately employed?
This makes all the difference. If you're privately hired you can speak up. If you're agency-hired and have to answer to a boss, you can't.
These people are very "interested" in your client because rich people are always "interested" in making sure someone's money locked down good and tight so they aren't spending it on anything or anyone they disapprove of. People like this normally don't lift a finger to help with any of the caregiving themselves. They aren't willing to even put in any companionship time for their rich, lonely friend or family member. They will go to any lengths to make sure someone's money is guarded though.
It is very unlikely that your client will cross these people or go against their wishes no matter how much she likes, loves, or values you.
Do your job and collect your pay every week. If this client is in charge of her own affairs and hasn't yet been diagnosed with dementia, you can accept gifts from her if she offers them. Only if you're private help though. These people have no right to push her around or decide how she spends her money.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to BurntCaregiver

If your client doesn't have an assigned DPoA, she will need to do that soon before she becomes cognitively incapacitated.

Does she hire you privately? Or do you work for an agency? If you are a private hire, you may have more latitude to query her on whether she has a DPoA. Also because if something happens to her you are the person with the most knowledge of her situation (I'm guessing).
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to Geaton777

Your client's son and daughter-in-law, or the friend's son and daughter-in-law?

Who else can your client turn to for advice about managing her affairs? Does she have a lawyer, an accountant? Is she recently widowed or anything of that kind, or has she always been independent?

As a caregiver it is not for you to challenge the behaviour of your client's guests, you're right, of course not. But it is for you to report any concerns about her welfare, and visitors who appear to make your client uncomfortable or anxious are included in that. Start with your line manager or shift leader.

From time to time I see situations where somebody turns up at my client's house during our routine. You have to go into Receptionist mode: the person may think it's okay just to walk in because they always have done, but not on your watch they don't. You politely ask their name, ask them to wait, and ask the client whether s/he wants this person to come into her house. Your client may say "oh yes, she's brought my shopping," or she may silently grimace. If it's the latter, you return to the visitor, explain that your client is busy at the moment, take any message, and show him or her out. With all due courtesy, of course, but as firmly as necessary.

So. The rule of thumb is: does your client actually want these people crossing her threshold? You could do worse than ask her.
Helpful Answer (8)
Reply to Countrymouse

Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter