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Visiting my grandmother at the facility today she was glad to see me but she wants to get out of there. I explained you are there for your safety you need to be safe I don't know if its transferring or not. She still wants to be independent and pay bills, I can take care of myself still and forgot that that is all happened. She can't anymore I get the old school mentality and the house connection I have paid most of her bills that have come in thus far and the property tax too. Once I get the guardianship it will be some weight off of me. She hates the food and wants to bring a sandwich that she likes which is cold cuts or a mickey D's burger. I told her I don't think the facility will allow outside stuff like that in except for clothes. I already had the social worker call me one day driving to work that she was writing out checks to pay bills. I had to remove it from there. They will have me throw it away. I'm doing all I can. Some days feel like its challenging. I hate being in this situation I feel like this post is a vent. Its all on me I don't have my mom here that is something she wanted to do a long time back and which ended in frustration. I didn't want to get my cousin in on this she has her own problems with an ex husband and her mom isn't doing well. Plus she was angry at my cousin about the way she handled her sister's (my aunts) passing years back which was to offer a car service to pick her up and me to go to the funeral. I'm going into work and dealing with this all when I'm off making phone calls sometimes talking to a social worker or lawyer, medicare etc..... if they call I wish she would just accept the help and stop worrying about the bills and the house. I will take care of it. Has anyone else been thru this ??!! How did you cope ??!!

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I also forgot the cars I need to sell too which is a 85 Buick well I can give that to a mechanic or one of my car buddies that loves tinkering with old gm cars and a 04 Nissan which she bought at 91 yrs old but hardly driven it has under 100k
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sorry you have to go thru this. it is VERY HARD. need to have nerves of steel sometimes!

especially when its usually the other way around, the older person telling the younger person what to do.

it was hard being the one telling my mom and dad WHAT was happening(assisted living). They didn't like it. And they didn't understand.

at times I could feel myself just cringing. the first 6 months(?)  VERY uncomfortable feelings.

I probably wasn't coping very well. just tried to do my best. but I had stress for along time.(still do, but not the same as the beginning) BUT, I was HAPPY with the decision to put them in AL though. so I focused on the fact that they were PLACED in safe place. so while I was off at work. at least I could try to forget.

Visits were still hard. IT DOES slowly get better. *lots* of bumps here and there. Just remember you are in charge now. so you make the rules. it may not feel right, but you will get used to being the 'boss'. Just remember you are doing what is right to keep her safe.
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Coneal7876 Aug 20, 2018
Very true wally
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Please fill out your profile.

I am assuming Gma has Dementia/ALZ. If so, she has lost her reasoning. You can try to explain over and over but she will not understand. Short-term is probably deminishing or gone. Meaning she doesn't remember what you have said from day to day, minute to minute. Processing what you have said takes a longer. She is still processing the first few words and your on the third sentence. Comprehending, things get all mixed up.

I am not trying to be funny here, but you are lucky you are not caring for her in your own home. Dementia patients are unpredictable. They wander, up all night, do things there is no ryhmn or reason for. They become like children. You have Gma in a safe place. She is fed and cared for. This is were she needs to be. Besides the checks, hope you have taken credit cards and any identification. The AL should have copies of what they need. I left nothing of importance or value at the AL. I had POA, though, and had been paying Moms bills for a while.

You said you pd her taxes. Are these on a home? For this reason, I would sell the home. If Gma ever needs Medicaid, all her income goes to her care. Nothing will go to upkeep on the house. You will need to sell at Market Value or be penalized. Contact Medicaid and see if they have a booklet on how them paying LTC works.

Really, everything will fall into place. Come back and ask questions. We have some experts who post. I learned a lot from this site. Let the AL care for Gma. She is paying for it. Let them do her laundry. You handle her finances and visit. Just remember, have patience. Don't argue with her or tell her she is wrong. She is now in her own little world. What she says she believes. Home maybe where she grew up.
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Coneal7876 Aug 20, 2018
She doesn't have dementia most of my aunts n uncles when they got old had Alzheimer's they have all passed on but that's def in the family history. that was never diagnosed she did have a urine tract infection and is confused and she cannot walk due to it her knee has arthritis in it.they gave her physical therapy but she refuses to do it. I paid a recent property tax on the house but she always went to the bank withdrawing a huge amount of money. I'm awaiting to hear from the elder care lawyer on what to do with the house. I was considering breaking the lease at my apartment and move but his message to me was not to so far two doctors are on board to declare her non content on making decisions. I was just frustrated but I know the nurses and social worker are on the same page that she needs not to be home and to be in a safe environment it will take time but I think she will be used to it in the long run. I'll bring clothes,underwear over there.
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Coneal, you’ve had a long, very hard journey with your grandmother. It’s not over yet. I can’t remember reading much of anything here where the loved one who was placed in a facility just raved about how happy they were there or said they never wanted to go home again.

You are doing the the right thing by telling your gram that she’s there because she needs to be safe. Learn how to tell the Therapeutic Fib and say when her doctor says she’s better you’ll talk about her going home. Don’t spend hours on visits making excuses or explanations. That just causes arguments. Also, I brought food in for my mom all the time. She loved fast food and I brought McDonald’s once a week. It did no harm. I also brought her those little snack bags of chips and pretzels. I also brought little bottles of cola for her and the staff was kind enough to bring her cups with ice.

Hang in there. The paperwork seems endless, I know. The world runs on paperwork. But a few months from now, you’ll have your life back.
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