It's been 10 months since my mom passed away. I am still so sad and depressed. How can I move past this and get on with my life?

Grief is also shock. A shock to our emotions and psyche.

DLB,
You have poured time, efforts, and love into your relationship with your Mom. Now, there is no place to pour your love into, imo.

Soon, the shock will subside, and soon, you will find your way.
In your own time.

It will not hurt you to force yourself to start to do things with your friends, just going through the motions. Limit the number of people, limit your time out, and accept that it will be unpleasant at first. OK?

💞💕💞💕💞🤗

Grief. An emotion/feeling that none of us want to experience but all of us at some time or another will. It's almost always at the loss of a LO. Grief and depression can co-exist but depression is treatable with meds, not so with grief. Grief must be worked thru. Time alone won't heal your grief. Grief is such a personal experience but you can overcome it if you CHOOSE. You've chosen not to go out with friends, not to talk on the phone, and not to have the energy to make your presentations. This is what you've chosen to do in response to your mom and aunt's death. Can you see that you have to choose to do the opposite? I'm not saying it's easy, Lord knows it's not. The word easy doesn't apply to any death. But neither is a life full of sadness. Grief is not someplace you're stuck in forever. You have a life to live. You're young, life has much to offer.

Recovering from grief is a process, it doesn't happen overnite. The first step is realizing your mom and aunt have passed away but you haven't. Re-establish friendships. Talk about your feelings to trusted friends it's very theurapeutic. Get some counseling for grief and depression. Find a grief support group. Some churches and even funeral homes offer these. Recall the good times you've had with them.

I lost my wife 2 1/2 yrs ago. The grief is gone, replaced with gratitude and happy memories. One day you'll be able to say your through grieving also. It's a choice.
The pain will go away, the sorrow may last longer and the memories will never fade.

P.S. You're right. Your mom wouldn't want you to live this way.

Dear "DLB1218,"

I'm so sorry you are struggling so much with losing your mom. Please know it's normal. You are grieving not only the loss of your mom but, the sudden passing of your aunt just over a month ago. She's part of your mom, as well as you feeling like she was a sister to you. You are overcome with grief for both of them and you are overwhelmed with now taking care of your father. That is a lot to deal with.

As I told someone else today, please don't try and rush the grieving process. Let it ebb and flow naturally. There will be good days and bad days. Allow yourself to cry if you feel the need. I've found that I actually feel better after a good cry - it's like purging all that's going on inside.

I'll be 58 and my mom is 95 with Alzheimer's. She nearly died in April from severe dehydration and COVID leaving her bedridden when she used to walk on her own and dress herself. She is now on hospice in a memory care unit. I've always been close to my mom too and I dread when that day comes for me. Look at it this way, you've been with your mom for 58 years - how could you possibly expect to get through the grieving period in just 10 months. There's no timetable for grief. My dad died in 2004 when I was 41. He was the first death I actually witnessed. It took me about 7 years to really come to terms with it. I faced it head on. I went to grief support groups, had the hospice counselor work with me one-on-one, went to the cemetery a lot and read a lot of books like "Losing a Parent" just to name one.

Just like "Grandma1954" said - you don't "get over it." At some point, you learn how to integrate it into your life and continue with the rest of your life. I can't think of one person who has energy and enthusiasm after losing a loved one. Please don't be so hard on yourself - you said it yourself "I know my mom wouldn't want me to live this way." You're right, she wouldn't so maybe see it as honoring her and your aunt by trying to get a handle on it. Take one day at a time, one step at a time. I promise you, it won't always be as it is right now - this too shall pass.

You will be in my thoughts and prayers. Take care of yourself and your father!

As a psychotherapist, I understand that grief is somewhat different from depression in spite of the feelings they engender being similar. I suggest you speak with your primary care physician about using an anti-depressant for a short period but grief has its own trajectory. It is a journey of pain and someday you will remember your loved ones with smiles more than tears. Yours is grief because of severe loss and I am sure you can find a local grief group such as those provided in Gilda’s Group. Check with your Alzheimer’s Association page for resources. It is helpful to talk, to cry and to understand that everyone’s grief is different. There is some relief in feeling understood. If you’d rather not join a group, find a therapist who deals with grief. One of my patients lost her fiancé suddenly and grieved for more than two years. She is back to herself but understand that instead of a bleeding wound, she will always have a deep scar. Another lost his mother and grieved only about a year even though her death was sudden and unexpected. DON’T BELIEVE the common myth that you only have to go though the year of of holidays and birthdays without your losses ones. EVERYONE GRIEVES DIFFERENTLY. Denial, Rage, Self-blame, Sadness— all normal in this abnormal tragedy. My best, Kathleen

There are 2 things going on here.
Depression. You should talk to your doctor about this ask for the name of a good therapist. They can see you in person or "virtual" appointment.
Grief. Completely different than depression and a good therapist will help you sort out what is what.
Grief...you "don't get over" you get through it. It is a process and it will take time. For you it may take more time as you are grieving the loss of 2 important people.
Depression..again you don't get "over" it it also is a process and may take medication as well as talking to someone. Do not be resistant to the possibility of medication. You take something when you have a headache, hurt your back why not take something that will help you through this.
If I may make a suggestion. If you can place your dad in Respite for a week that might help you as well. Caregiver burnout is real and you might need a break and let someone care for you. You taking care of yourself is very important. If Respite is not an option then getting someone else in to help you out so you can get a break might help.

I would see a doctor to get help with the depression, possibly a counselor. Often Licensed Social Workers are very good with life transition changes. It is not unusual to mourn for a year and often more.
My brother died in May of this year. He was the most important man in my life throughout my life, was Hansel to my Gretel in the forests of life. I have kept good strength and heart in knowing his life was long, and quality, and there was nothing left unsaid or undone for us, that he was not looking forward to life that had become a long slow slide downward with man losses ahead. And most of all from the good life he led, all he saw in his lifetime. Those years we did not live in the same town or city we always wrote one another long long letter. I continue now to write him (as Joan Didion says, the problem being they don't answer back). I do it in a journal I decorate with pictures of him throughout his life, and collages. It brings me great joy and relief in sad moments. I honor him by living my life with as much joy and strength as I am able. He was always one to make the best of things. I honor him in doing the same.
Sometimes our thinking becomes stuck, or circular. Professionals can help us with that. Sometimes it takes time. And always I would caution to be easy on yourself in times of great grief; it's ok to curl into a fetal ball and mourn; it just isn't OK to STAY there. I wish you the very best. You have a whole mound of loss on your plate. What you are feeling is normal. But GRIEF is hard work. There are things that can and must be done with it. So get the tools you need.

One more thing, I'm 58 years old.