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My Dad is currently living at their apartment, but is barely able to care for himself. Mom wants to come home, but wouldn’t be able to be on her own if/when Dad dies. So, she would have to go back to skilled nursing, but not at her preferred place. No family members could take her in due to lack of space. The palliative care nurse is telling me to stay strong and discourage her from going home because she will lose her placement. Help

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Realistically, ask yourself if this would work. Dad can barely take care of himself - now he would have to take care of Mom as well? Can you really afford to hire caregivers? Best to leave Mom where she is - after all, if she is getting healthier, then she is in a good place.
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Reply to rovana
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A lot of us here have experienced and dealt with the “parent as child” problem. I did. It’s not easy when we have spent most of our lives obeying our parents and now we have to stop obeying them and for all intents and purposes become their “parent”. My mother was always the Commander-in-Chief in our little family. If you crossed her you paid the price of snarky remarks, name-calling and sulking. But I realized she was not herself and that I had to do something. She crashed with a UTI and I was told she could no longer live on her own. Of course she didn’t want to go to a facility and she was not pleasant or understanding about it when I put her in one. But I didn’t back down and take her out of the NH. Nor should you bring your mother home. You know neither she nor your dad could handle it. The Palliative Care Nurse is right. Listen to her. Giving into Mom and bringing her home would not work for anyone.
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Reply to Ahmijoy
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The elephant in the room is who would do the caregiving if she did go home? Who would be moving in with them to take care of both of them? Who would be giving up their life to prop all of this up?

(Hope it's not you!)
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Reply to CTTN55
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How about a little fib - we're working on that Mom, but first you need to be able to do XXX and dad needs to get YYY taken care of. I'm sorry you can't go home yet but you know you're getting older and getting back to top form takes longer, try to make the best of it until then.
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Reply to cwillie
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Tell her she is not well enough to go home and Dad can no longer care for her. That at this time home is not an option.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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I’m sorry, nothing in this sounds like your mom should return home. It’s a sad reality many of us have had to face. She’s only recovered enough to be cared for by an elderly man who can barely care for himself, not a good set up at all. Maybe dad will consider moving also?
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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If your father is barely able to care for himself, why would he be able to also care for your mother? I don't understand how this option would be approved as a proper care plan for her discharge. But, if she's competent, it's her decision. She may just have to live with that decision later on if she is not able to function in that arrangement and she can't get into her preferred facility. I'd make sure she understands that. Sometimes, people just won't listen to reason or have this magical thinking that isn't very logical.
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Reply to Sunnygirl1
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