It seems that all of the issues addressed have to do with caring for parents or grandparents. My husband, who is 10 years older has dementia.

I am the caregiver for my husband who is 12 years older than me. He had a massive stroke in 1996 at the age of 48, and now suffers from vascular dementia. You're right, there are different dynamics caring for a spouse verses a parent. However there are also many, many similarities. I have learned a lot from reading this forum, along with the folks in my caregivers support group, who care for both parents and spouses.

My husband too was a very intelligent man, with his Master's in business, but the stroke took all that away. He too would get very angry, and frustrated, because he realized what he had all lost. I'm sure that is normal. I think I would be pretty pissed off myself if it happened to me. Now that being said, you probably do want to talk to his Dr. about what is going on, and see what he/she recommends.

I have chosen to keep my husband at home, though I can't lie, it's been extremely difficult at times, and exhausting. Up until 21 months ago, I have been his sole caregiver. And technically, I still am, as even though my husband has been under Hospice care the last 21 months, they don't do much as far as his care is concerned other than an aide comes to bathe him twice a week (which thankfully just started back up 2 weeks ago, as that service was stopped since April due to Covid).

Be patient with your husband, and remember that he will feed off of your mood, so if you remain calm, hopefully he will too. If you get frustrated when he does, it will only escalate the problem. Now I understand that that is sometimes easier said than done, but it's been my experience that it does work. Hang in there. We are here for you if you need us.

I am in the same boat (hubby is just 2 1/2 years older though). My husband denies the dementia diagnosis. I am going to watch this thread for replies.

Yes caring for a spouse is very different than caring for a parent in many ways. But in other ways it is easier. somethings like bathing may be easier. Preparing foods my be easier. but who's the boss could set off alarms all over the county.
I would talk to his doctors about any meds but certainly suggest them.
Ask about in home training for all sorts of thing. Eating, dressing, bathing, talking, use of walkers or rollators, grab bars.
Getting into and out of vehicles. Handicap accessories for vehicles.
Some of this may or should be installed before it is needed. This would familiarize the LO with them and would not be so foreign should the day arrive to be needed.
Talking to her was one of the best thing I could do when helping her. It seemed to relax her some. didn't matter if she spoke or not.
Love and hugs were the biggest and best thing I could do for her.
Oh! I almost forgot. Take pictures of him doing whatever. As long as it does not upset him. I failed me on that one.
If she goofed on something do not make a big voiceterous deal out of it. Just tell him it is okay and you will take care of it.
Like the time she flooded the bathroom and was trying to mop it up without turning the water off. I took care of it and hugged her. She felt really bad about that one too.
don't forget the Tepa Snow videos for ideas.
And return here for anything you feel a need for information on or just to vent.
I wish you much luck and the best of everything

Mollym,
You are right. Most conversations in this forum are about parents or g'parents and dementia. I believe the spouses job of caring is much more stressful. However, there is still a lot to learn from the parental caregivers. I lost my wife of 52 yrs to AD 2 1/2 yrs ago.

I would advise 3 things. First, you won't be able to care for your husband alone. As the disease progresses, you will be stretched to your caregiving limit and you will need time off from your caregiving. Look into respite care and home care agency to hire initially a few hrs a couple days a week. Eventually, you may have to seek out ALF or MC facilities. However, many AD patients live out their lives at home.

Next, I would seek out dementia support groups. There you will relate with others who are experiencing similar issues and be able to express your concerns and frustrations. They help you to realize that you are not the only one going thru these caregiving issues. Unfortunately, during the pandemic, you may not find any face to face groups meeting. There are, however, some virtual support groups being conducted (I participate in 2). Call your local Area Agency on Aging or the Alz Assn hotline ( 1-800-272-3900) to find out.

Lastly, become educated about AD. There are many good books on the subject. I recommend two; "Learning to Speak Alzheimer's and The 36 Hour Day".

When someone with AD can't do what they used to do, or when they feel they're not understood, or just don't understand what they're going thru, they get frustrated and maybe beligerent and combative. Often, they are reacting to our, the caregivers, behavior. Remember, they're not behaving this way voluntarily, it is the diseases' effect on the brain. Address his behavior at your next meeting with his dr. for any medication remedies.

You and your husband are embarking on a difficult journey. I wish you luck and prayers.

Yes, there are a few caring for a spouse. So you have come to the right place.

I do want to say that those of us caring for parents and grandparents also have to deal with finances, driving and outside help. Some, dealing with jobs too. Our relationship maybe different but the problems are still the same.

Some of my favorites on this site care for their husband or wife, or did so. Ahmijoy, I believe. Old Sailor. I hope they are around and will chime in. Stay on the forum and they will show up commenting, and you can private message.

I think there are several here who are caring for a spouse - or have done so in the past. I think you'll get some thoughts/information.