It has been suggested that my parents move to a medical foster home. Any advice? -

It has been suggested that my parents move to a medical foster home. Any advice?


My dad, who is a veteran, has Alzheimer's and my mom is starting to have cognitive issues of her own but is still somewhat with it doesn't understand. I have started doing research and cannot find information about spouses living together in a group home. My mom still drives the two blocks to Walmart to pick up meds for herself because she does not trust the facility where they live. Would she still be allowed to have her car? It would be ok with me if this was not allowed. Right now I have a lot more questions and I don't even know what the questions are. I do know that whatever move is made will be the last move as they are both in their 90s and I don't want their last years to be miserable because of a hasty decision. They have already moved from their home to assisted living and then to memory care and each move was "not the right thing to do" but there was no choice. Any input would be appreciated.



I may be (and probably am) missing something here, but the VA people and social worker want your parents to move out of Memory Care and into a Medical foster home? Do they not live together in MC now? Separating them is not an option? Most of the time, when one partner is much more “needy” than the other, the one requiring more care goes to the appropriate facility. It’s certainly not an ideal situation but sometimes the best for the partner requiring a higher level of care.

As for the money situation, I can tell you that is a constant worry. Even hard proof like seeing the account balances doesn’t do much to allay our worries.

As for the venting, never, ever apologize. That’s why this board was created. We might not have the be all/end all solution, but we care and we will try to help.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to Ahmijoy

The VA home health care is the one that has been nudging this direction for about two years now because of the cost. I honestly don't think the cost is any of her concern and I have shut her down when she started talking about that when she started that. Now a social worker is suggesting it. I truly think my mom would hate it and my dad is too far advanced to care. The move to memory care in November was absolutely the right thing to do as my dad needs help dressing and bathing and other things as well. My mom has complained ever since they left their house. We have discussed how disruptive moves are to him but to her as well. I don't think there is a group home in the town where they live so that would mean moving to a neighboring town. I do want to find out from the social worker what she thinks the benefit will be other than the cost. My mom worries about money constantly and is afraid they will be put out on the street in spite of showing her the account balance. I have a lot of other family matters on my hands right now and when she brought this up this morning it was almost all I could stand. She said only one person showed up to work at their facility this morning. I called and was told that there were two workers in memory care, an aid and a med nurse. I don't even know who to believe anymore. Sorry to vent.
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Reply to MAFlatt

I agree with Carla. Why do they keep moving, other than requiring more care? Are you under pressure from them to keep moving or from someone else? There are many, many posts on here from folks whose loved ones absolutely hate the facility where they reside. It’s more common than you would ever believe. Dementia and cognitive impairment seem to rob the sufferer of the ability to realize it’s not possible for them to return to their “old life and times”. And that’s the saddest part of the disease.

While Mom still has some cognitive powers, explain to her that constant moves are upsetting for everyone; not good for Dad or her, confusing, expensive and disruptive. And you’re concerned that the next move (and the next) will also not be “the right thing to do”.
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Reply to Ahmijoy

Mom would probably still be able to keep her car as long as she is still safe although this would be a good time to stop driving.
What do the parents think about moving. If you find a good one it will be much more homelike for them and more one on one attention.
Have you considered a Vets home?
It is difficult because both parents require different levels of care and Mom is probably unhappy with the company in MC,
I see no reason why a married couple would not be allowed to share a room in a group home. It happens all the time in regular nursing homes.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to Veronica91

It would help to know who suggested the move to the group home, why this change was suggested, and why the move to memory care was not the right move. it seems that memory care would be the best solution and they're already there. Why isn't it working out?
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to CarlaCB