Teddie, I read your response below. What you are claiming is 2 decades of abuse by a brother who has been living with and caring for your parents, hands on, for that amount of time. You do also mention court visits. So I know you have at some points pursued at least some of this to no good legal end for yourself. What now? You might consider running ALL THIS past an Elder Law Attorney. I cannot imagine after 20 years of caring for two elders what finances are left to bicker over, or WILL be left. But there is the matter of visiting Mom. It is difficult for me to imagine that your brother is legally able to stop your visiting with your Mom, even if that visit needs be supervised by his request as her POA. That is something you should ALSO run by the attorney. At present, the worst of all this to my mind is that you are unable to see your Mom. At this point. for me, that would be what's important. As to house, house contents, cars and trucks, and accounts, pensions, etc--I am afraid that is secondary to me. If there is a will and if there is something left when Mom passes, that will go to probate. If this brother who has been caring for his parents for almost two decades is as "evil" as you portray him, then he will have seen to THAT will long ago, and there is nothing to worry about because there will be nothing for you. We so far have a story and it is quite a dreadful story. And we have one side of it. I cannot see any answer but the court system and an attorney if you wish to pursue it. For me, I would be running up the white flags and writing my bro to say "Let's call this all water under the bridge and never speak of it again. I am BEGGING you on my knees to allow me to visit with our Mom at the now end of her days. I will be willing to visit her with you, should you worry I will speak to her about our troubled history, but please let me visit my Mom and express my love to her. Let her see us as brother together before she passes." Then I would move on with my life. What is there left here but pain and loss? Try to salvage what you can. I hope that is the light in your Mom's eyes when she sees you come to visit with your brother. I hope that is knowing they both had the care of your brother all this time. I know this is asking a lot. But if you cannot do it, then move away from it all. We have two chances for FAMILY. One is with out parents and siblings. The second chance is with out own kids. If one works out that is a win, to me. Throw your love onto the family you DO have, and see to it that this inheritance of dislike dies now.
I just read Teddy's prior post in July, thanks to 97YearOldMom for posting it.
I see that recommendations were made similar to Barb's. Teddy, when did you contact the police to report the financial abuse? What other action did you take to report the alleged financial abuse, and what resulted from it? I.e., contacting elder law agencies (if any) in Texas, or contacting an Ombudsperson?
And what steps have you taken to prepare yourself for caring for an Alzheimer's patient in your home? How have you adapted your home? What other arrangements have you made?
BTW, when's the last time you saw your mother in person?
"Then he filed the quitclaim deed in the next county"
I'd be curious to know how this was accomplished. From years of commercial real estate work in law firms, it's always been my experience that deeds and other documents affecting real property are always filed in the county in which they are located.
And they have to be, especially for ownership and assessment purposes. How else would the Treasurer's Office know to whom tax bills should be sent?
Standard legal descriptions always include the county, as well as the city or township, metes and bounds or platted property description.
Besides, how did you determine that the deed was allegedly filed in another county? And which county?
I can't think of any reason why another county would even consider recording a deed for property not within its borders.
I think I just need to get things straight. Is the brother POA for health care and POA for financial of a mom diagnosed with Alzheimer's? Because then, yes, he may use her funds for her as he believes she would have wanted them used in her more cognizant life, to pay for her care and her bills. To manage her assets, keep them in repair. This would include he could pay an attorney giving advice about her affairs, bills, assets, etc. with her funds. As to her leaving an Assisted Care Facility, no I think it would be unwise of him to allow this. She would, I assume be leaving for another State? Perhaps to visit you? She would be away from her life, her doctors, her safety, really, and unaccompanied as she traveledif she is deemed to have dementia. If you two are arguing he could well distrust your motives in trying to "get Mom with him" and then take her to a Lawyer who would blah blah blah--we actually hear those stories here, believe it or not. What would be wonderful would be were she well enough to have him come along WITH her to see you, and visit. Or you to go to where she is. She has given him POA. She entrusted him to act for her and in her stead for her. I have to assume he is doing this to the best of his ability. You do not mention any fraudulent behavior on his part. You say he could have chosen a better facility. These are hard decisions because it is crucial to get money to last the lifetime of the senior. Those of us trying to decide these things do the best we are able. The wars between siblings, I have to tell you, is one of the most painful things I see on this forum. I am the mother of two daughters who do not get along at all, who do not speak. To imagine them at war over my failing mind and body is hideous. I have, therefore, given all rights and powers were they needed and were my partner to pass before me, to the daughter I see the most, who has the clearest understanding of what my wishes would be, the daughter I know and trust the best. I can love them both; but the decision is made. I can imagine wars. They are painful to think about. I can only do the best I can to put my own house in order so that no questions come up after. Were you to expect fraud, you could go to court and ask for a court examination and accounting I would guess. That would cost thousands. And why? For what. Can you try to get along until Mom is gone, and then just leave one another be. This is so much more pain for her and for you both. So sorry you are going through it. So sorry for her as well. The thread is a bit muddled and I may have got this ALL wrong. If so I will look for them coming to assess ME any moment!
tacky". But, first, when my father died 15 years ago (my parents were divorced), my brother had moved into my dad's home 10 years before he died because my brother did not have a job or a place to go. As my dad became older and totally incompetent, my brother got a POA and each month he would transfer all of his retirement (between 5 & 6K) to his bank account. (this went on for over 7 years.) My brother did pay all the bills, but the house was paid for, property taxes were under 1k per year, my father did not drive anymore, and they lived in a small town---being generous all monthly expenses would be around 1.5K per month, including medical---my father had the best federal employee government insurance---the same package our federal congressmen and senators have.) Additionally, my brother took my father's credit cards and check book away from him and he told me dad had been gambling, over the phone, and was wasting money. Also, when my dad did not even know who I was anymore, my brother had my father sign a quitclaim deed, for his home, over to himself. Then he filed the quitclaim deed in the next county---I guess so I would not know. So, when my father died there was nothing left. Bank account was depleted, house was gone. And my brother told he I could have nothing inside the house. Additionally, and unbelievable, my father had given his old truck to my son, who was in HS, about 5 years prior to my father's death. My brother made me give his 2K so my son could keep the car---as my brother had my dad also sign the old truck over to him---how low can you go?
Anyway, the same scenario is playing out with my mother. And, I am surprised because my mother is much more savvy---but my brother is being very smart and using my mother's lawyer's advice. And, I question this. As my mother's lawyer, shouldn't this lawyer speak with my mother about what her wants are and represent her interests? I think my brother is just too cheap to pay a lawyer out of his own pocket.
Now, my brother, would not even let me into my mother's house when she was in the hospital. And, now that she is in assisted living, he won't let me in either. He keeps all her documents and ID locked in the house. He won't let anyone know what is going on. And, he tried his best to keep my mother totally away from me (the only other sibling). He told the assisted living facility to not let me see my mother or talk to her on the phone. I had to go to the state to get this changed.
And, worst of all, my mother is not living her life anymore and my brother is using a doctor's certificate of incapacity, which was written while my mother had septic pneumonia, to keep her away from her home and all her assets. He has taken away her credit cards, her check book, all money---all for safe keeping. He even took her diamond ring. If this does not scream of fraud, I do not know what does. Plus, it is just plain disgusting.
And now, my mother is not incompetent (although she was for the short time she was in the hospital with septic pneumonia). My mother is back to "normal"and does take care of herself---baths, dresses, puts on makeup, makes appointments for the beauty parlor, like to go shopping and dress up, etc. She has COPD but she is healthy for a 97 year old. She likes to go out to lunch with her friends, and speak with her friends. She can't do any of these things anymore because my brother won't allow it. And it is my mother who wants to revoke whatever power she gave my brother so she can have her life back. And, believe me, she is broken hearted. She loves my brother and "does not want to hurt his feelings", but she wants her life back even more. Therefore, it is my mother who is making the changes and if she needs my help is getting the right paper work and driving her to her lawyer and her doctor---so be it.
Well, I held the POA for several family members, they let me do what I needed to do, and, they were not deemed incompetent, they just understood that they were failing. My brother has it for his father & step mother, he takes care of basically everything for them, they just roll with it!
Good points, Barb. I can't recall how many posts I've read on this forum in which a sibling knows a lot about how someone else is using a parent's funds.
Really, that's all that the POA is to use the money for? I think that I'm confused here. My brother is my mom's POA and I am her healthcare rep. She can still make some decisions, when given the opportunity. She is 88 and has done if for 87 years herself. She was diagnosed with mild unspecified dementia.
Since my first correspondence with Aging Care, I have been speaking with my mother every day. And during the last 4 months since her release from the hospital for septic pneumonia, she has become much better, especially her memory and physical abilities. She walks around (with a walker), dresses and baths herself, eats regularly, is aware of her surroundings, location, dates, etc. I have contacted the assisted living facility my brother placed my mother in, and I was told that my mother could not come to visit me without my brother's permission. And since I know that my brother is not her guardian, I am assuming he is using a statement of lack of capacity from either the doctor at the hospital or her personal physician, written during the time my mother was in the hospital for septic pneumonia. (She was really "out of it" during this time, and was as close to death as you can get.) But, my mother's condition & situation have entirely changed, and she not only wants to visit me, live at home, but also to have my brother removed from the POA.
In the interim, my brother has moved into my mother's home. He uses her money to pay all the expenses, and keeps my mother in a less expensive facility than in necessary. He only occasionally visits, maybe once every couple of weeks, even though my mother's home is 7 miles from the assisted living facilities.
So, my questions are now directed at getting any information of a doctor's statement of capacity and how to get my mother to the doctor to have this changed, or even if this is necessary.
I am not a lawyer, but my brother has been using my mother's money to get legal assistance regarding my mother for years---although the attorney has never once spoken with my mother regarding what she wants.
If worded properly, the person granting POA can give you the rights to take care of their affairs even if they are still competent. My parents did that for me as they were getting borderline incompetent and we’re having trouble with finances.
No, not necessarily, but it depends on the wording, especially whether it was prepared by an experienced EP or EL attorney or downloaded from the Internet.
I used mine when my father had to be intubated, and then into an induced coma. Incompetence had nothing to do with his condition or situation.
They don’t always have to be incompetent. They can be comatose as a result of a stroke or a TBI. Medical POA is in affect when the person is not able to make decisions themselves.
What you are claiming is 2 decades of abuse by a brother who has been living with and caring for your parents, hands on, for that amount of time.
You do also mention court visits. So I know you have at some points pursued at least some of this to no good legal end for yourself.
What now?
You might consider running ALL THIS past an Elder Law Attorney. I cannot imagine after 20 years of caring for two elders what finances are left to bicker over, or WILL be left. But there is the matter of visiting Mom.
It is difficult for me to imagine that your brother is legally able to stop your visiting with your Mom, even if that visit needs be supervised by his request as her POA. That is something you should ALSO run by the attorney.
At present, the worst of all this to my mind is that you are unable to see your Mom. At this point. for me, that would be what's important. As to house, house contents, cars and trucks, and accounts, pensions, etc--I am afraid that is secondary to me.
If there is a will and if there is something left when Mom passes, that will go to probate. If this brother who has been caring for his parents for almost two decades is as "evil" as you portray him, then he will have seen to THAT will long ago, and there is nothing to worry about because there will be nothing for you.
We so far have a story and it is quite a dreadful story. And we have one side of it. I cannot see any answer but the court system and an attorney if you wish to pursue it.
For me, I would be running up the white flags and writing my bro to say "Let's call this all water under the bridge and never speak of it again. I am BEGGING you on my knees to allow me to visit with our Mom at the now end of her days. I will be willing to visit her with you, should you worry I will speak to her about our troubled history, but please let me visit my Mom and express my love to her. Let her see us as brother together before she passes."
Then I would move on with my life.
What is there left here but pain and loss? Try to salvage what you can. I hope that is the light in your Mom's eyes when she sees you come to visit with your brother. I hope that is knowing they both had the care of your brother all this time.
I know this is asking a lot. But if you cannot do it, then move away from it all. We have two chances for FAMILY. One is with out parents and siblings. The second chance is with out own kids. If one works out that is a win, to me. Throw your love onto the family you DO have, and see to it that this inheritance of dislike dies now.
I see that recommendations were made similar to Barb's. Teddy, when did you contact the police to report the financial abuse? What other action did you take to report the alleged financial abuse, and what resulted from it? I.e., contacting elder law agencies (if any) in Texas, or contacting an Ombudsperson?
And what steps have you taken to prepare yourself for caring for an Alzheimer's patient in your home? How have you adapted your home? What other arrangements have you made?
BTW, when's the last time you saw your mother in person?
"Then he filed the quitclaim deed in the next county"
I'd be curious to know how this was accomplished. From years of commercial real estate work in law firms, it's always been my experience that deeds and other documents affecting real property are always filed in the county in which they are located.
And they have to be, especially for ownership and assessment purposes. How else would the Treasurer's Office know to whom tax bills should be sent?
Standard legal descriptions always include the county, as well as the city or township, metes and bounds or platted property description.
Besides, how did you determine that the deed was allegedly filed in another county? And which county?
I can't think of any reason why another county would even consider recording a deed for property not within its borders.
This doesn't make any sense, none whatsoever.
If your mother can use a telephone, she can call a lawyer who will come to her facility, can't she?
As to her leaving an Assisted Care Facility, no I think it would be unwise of him to allow this. She would, I assume be leaving for another State? Perhaps to visit you? She would be away from her life, her doctors, her safety, really, and unaccompanied as she traveledif she is deemed to have dementia. If you two are arguing he could well distrust your motives in trying to "get Mom with him" and then take her to a Lawyer who would blah blah blah--we actually hear those stories here, believe it or not.
What would be wonderful would be were she well enough to have him come along WITH her to see you, and visit. Or you to go to where she is.
She has given him POA. She entrusted him to act for her and in her stead for her. I have to assume he is doing this to the best of his ability. You do not mention any fraudulent behavior on his part. You say he could have chosen a better facility. These are hard decisions because it is crucial to get money to last the lifetime of the senior. Those of us trying to decide these things do the best we are able.
The wars between siblings, I have to tell you, is one of the most painful things I see on this forum. I am the mother of two daughters who do not get along at all, who do not speak. To imagine them at war over my failing mind and body is hideous. I have, therefore, given all rights and powers were they needed and were my partner to pass before me, to the daughter I see the most, who has the clearest understanding of what my wishes would be, the daughter I know and trust the best. I can love them both; but the decision is made. I can imagine wars. They are painful to think about. I can only do the best I can to put my own house in order so that no questions come up after.
Were you to expect fraud, you could go to court and ask for a court examination and accounting I would guess. That would cost thousands. And why? For what. Can you try to get along until Mom is gone, and then just leave one another be. This is so much more pain for her and for you both. So sorry you are going through it. So sorry for her as well.
The thread is a bit muddled and I may have got this ALL wrong. If so I will look for them coming to assess ME any moment!
Anyway, the same scenario is playing out with my mother. And, I am surprised because my mother is much more savvy---but my brother is being very smart and using my mother's lawyer's advice. And, I question this. As my mother's lawyer, shouldn't this lawyer speak with my mother about what her wants are and represent her interests? I think my brother is just too cheap to pay a lawyer out of his own pocket.
Now, my brother, would not even let me into my mother's house when she was in the hospital. And, now that she is in assisted living, he won't let me in either. He keeps all her documents and ID locked in the house. He won't let anyone know what is going on. And, he tried his best to keep my mother totally away from me (the only other sibling). He told the assisted living facility to not let me see my mother or talk to her on the phone. I had to go to the state to get this changed.
And, worst of all, my mother is not living her life anymore and my brother is using a doctor's certificate of incapacity, which was written while my mother had septic pneumonia, to keep her away from her home and all her assets. He has taken away her credit cards, her check book, all money---all for safe keeping. He even took her diamond ring. If this does not scream of fraud, I do not know what does. Plus, it is just plain disgusting.
And now, my mother is not incompetent (although she was for the short time she was in the hospital with septic pneumonia). My mother is back to "normal"and does take care of herself---baths, dresses, puts on makeup, makes appointments for the beauty parlor, like to go shopping and dress up, etc. She has COPD but she is healthy for a 97 year old. She likes to go out to lunch with her friends, and speak with her friends. She can't do any of these things anymore because my brother won't allow it. And it is my mother who wants to revoke whatever power she gave my brother so she can have her life back. And, believe me, she is broken hearted. She loves my brother and "does not want to hurt his feelings", but she wants her life back even more. Therefore, it is my mother who is making the changes and if she needs my help is getting the right paper work and driving her to her lawyer and her doctor---so be it.
How do you know how your brother is using mom's money?
How do you know she's never spoken to the lawyer?
Your brother as POA has the right to use mom's money for attorney fees for services for your mom.
Teddie’s profile and this previous post give more information on this situation
Since my first correspondence with Aging Care, I have been speaking with my mother every day. And during the last 4 months since her release from the hospital for septic pneumonia, she has become much better, especially her memory and physical abilities. She walks around (with a walker), dresses and baths herself, eats regularly, is aware of her surroundings, location, dates, etc.
I have contacted the assisted living facility my brother placed my mother in, and I was told that my mother could not come to visit me without my brother's permission. And since I know that my brother is not her guardian, I am assuming he is using a statement of lack of capacity from either the doctor at the hospital or her personal physician, written during the time my mother was in the hospital for septic pneumonia. (She was really "out of it" during this time, and was as close to death as you can get.) But, my mother's condition & situation have entirely changed, and she not only wants to visit me, live at home, but also to have my brother removed from the POA.
In the interim, my brother has moved into my mother's home. He uses her money to pay all the expenses, and keeps my mother in a less expensive facility than in necessary. He only occasionally visits, maybe once every couple of weeks, even though my mother's home is 7 miles from the assisted living facilities.
So, my questions are now directed at getting any information of a doctor's statement of capacity and how to get my mother to the doctor to have this changed, or even if this is necessary.
I am not a lawyer, but my brother has been using my mother's money to get legal assistance regarding my mother for years---although the attorney has never once spoken with my mother regarding what she wants.
So any assistance will be appreciation.
Thanking you in advance,
Read the language carefully or consult a lawyer.
I used mine when my father had to be intubated, and then into an induced coma. Incompetence had nothing to do with his condition or situation.
as a result of a stroke or a TBI. Medical POA is in affect when the person is not able to make decisions themselves.