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I'm not sure if this is the end or not. My mom has been on home hospice for about 6 months. My dad is pretty sick himself but has been taking care of her non stop this whole time. My mom has COPD and other age related problems including dementia. She is 82. I was helping with the caregiving for both of them until they decided I wasn't helping and threw me out. If you read back on some of my posts they explain it better. I've been little by little helping out here and there but nothing like before. My leave of absence from my job is almost over so my son and I decided to take an overdue vacation back east. Everyone here said a great idea when will you ever get the chance again. So off we went. I got a phone call a few days into the trip that things took a real bad turn and we needed to get home right away. Before we left my mother was eating drinking taking her meds, getting out of bed, reading, her normal routine. Now she hasn't eaten in 3 days, she's off all meds except morphine and lorazapam. The nurse says she'll be gone in 3 days and that her body is shutting down. Could this be? She was doing her best before I left now she has about 3 days left? I don't understand. Can it be that quick? And she doesn't understand herself.

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I’m sorry for the loss of your mother. Hold the good memories close
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Deb. Very very sorry for your loss. I went through a loss of my dad with sort similar circumstances in April so I know how painful it can be. I console myself knowing that he is at peace now compared to the last days, which at least seemed troubling to us, though don't know what it was like to him. And your mom is also in a better place. Sad for us, good for them.
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Deb-
I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you can find comfort in your many good memories of your mom.
Big Hugs.
Sparkles
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Thank you everyone for your responses. Rainmom, all the physical signs are there. Her oxygen level is below 80 and dropping. Her blood pressure is 84 over 48 and dropping. Her color is very pasty. She is in and out of reality. She even says shes not in any pain. My father says all shes been doing is sleeping. Very weak. This is just a shock from last week before we left. We never would have gone back east if we knew. Now i dont even think she knows who we are. Thank you again for your responses i will keep everyone posted.
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shad250 Sep 7, 2018
I'm so sorry for the loss of your mom. She is at peace, now.
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Yes, it really can be that quick.
A dear friend of mine was doing well, and we suspect she had a stroke. She died within a week. When the hospice nurse told her family she was actively dying and her body was shutting down, it was only a few days later that she died.
Doctors and nurses are educated guessers. They do know the human body. But can't always factor in the person in their equation.
I'm so sorry, I know this is a shock. Hugs.
Sparkles
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Aw, Deb, I’m so sorry. Truth is, no one really knows when a person will pass. Trust the Hospice Nurse. This is, after all, her profession. But again, no one knows for sure.

Keep us posted and know that we’re thinking of you and your family. (((Hugs)))❤️❤️
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Dcurnan Sep 7, 2018
Just wanted you to know my mom died last night. Toughest thing ive ever had to go through but shes finally resting peacefully. No more disfunction in her life anymore. I can finally close my eyes and know that shes safe and in a better place. What a weight has been lifted. Take care of you. Im sorry if maybe i crossed the line or said something i shouldnt have said. But just block someone wasnt the way to do it. I will never understand, thats what hurts. Be safe deb
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If the hospice nurse is telling you that your mothers body is shutting down I’d take her at her word.

There are several physical signs that the hospice folk monitor that enables them to diagnose that the end is near. Things like oxygen level, color, texture and temperature of the skin and eyes, breathing patterns and rate, etc.

What I think the hospice folk do is give an estimate of time of expected passing. Like when an obstetrician sites a due date for a baby’s birth - which almost never happens on the actual “due date” - a hospice nurse or doctor is giving an educated guess.

My father passed roughly two weeks earlier than expected and my mother - about a week. So if you want to be with your mother - see her a last time - perhaps say things that you’d like her to know - hear - before she passes - do it now.

As to why sometimes a dying individual seems to “rally” just prior to their passing? There are dozens of guesses both scientific and spiritual- but I doubt anyone really knows for sure. But it does happen fairly frequently.

Best of of luck to you during this difficult time. Take care.
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It’s different for everyone once “the end” seems near. When the nurses who cared for my mom told us this, it was just over 2 weeks until she died. She didn’t eat and wasn’t communicative during this time, just in a deep sleep. I’ve also had an uncle on hospice who was up and enjoying a great meal one night and died by the next night. It’s just hard to say when the end may occur. I wish you peace through this, whatever may happen
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