Follow
Share

I have posted before about momma. She has NPH and some dementia that we know of. Suffered a hemotoma a little over a year. She is in assisted living on lock down - which is hard for her. Just turned 86. But I just had my uncle call me and asked me if I have mental problems? He said that momma called him and said so? WTH!! He said that she said we can't do this and we cannot do that. I don't know if she was talking about me or her but hello people we are in the middle of this virus thing! If anybody has mental problems it is her. I think she has a personality disorder and I believe that my dad knew that something was going on all these years and he covered for her. Either narcesstic or borderline. I am her primary caregiver with no help for nine years now. She uses me as her own whipping post. Did the same thing to my dad. He has been gone for nine years. She has a golden child. It is not me. I am the one that gets blamed and shamed. I know nothing about nothing but believes everybody else when told the same thing. Does not believe me. I just recently requested the facility to have a talk therapy lady to come visit momma on a regular basis to see if it would take the pressure off of me. That way momma would have somebody that she could talk too about her kids sex lives, finances, her half sister and how she was brought up, her constant complaining about either the food, her laundry, how they clean her bathroom, vacaum in front of her couch and make her bed from housekeeping, her independence and how I have taken everything away from her and I mean everything!! Now yes I am stressed and tired. It has affected my health since I have been doing all of this from a different state and no she will not move and I don't want her over here. Sorry about that but true. I joined a caregivers meeting, go to the gym and come to this forum for help but it just seems to be getting worse for her which is probably normal but I feel like I have been beaten up so many times. The talk therapy lady said she upped momma's zoloft from 100 mg to 150 mg and cannot go any higher because of her age. At one time she was on 40 mg when she lived at her house but was not taking it correctly. She is also on an anxiety medicine and other prescriptions for BP and seizures. This is not the first time she has gone behind my back and tells family and friends all about me and what I am trying to do to her but when other people talk to her they say your momma is sweet as pie. I do not get that version of her. I have been talking to her more because of the virus but I am going to back off and see if the talk therapy lady can help her. Probably want do any good. She is going to be this way but I am so tired of it.

Find Care & Housing
There was a clever poster I read who mentioned a mirror visual. You mentally hold the mirror up (outwards) like a shield & reflect all that negativity back at the sender. Don't let it in.

Uncle. Mom has dementia. Her thinking is effected. It's hard for her.

Mom. She is blessed you are her best advocate in getting the talk therapy & meds she needs. She's also blessed if you spend time with her (phone or visit, when allowed). Aim for a frequency level that is self-protective. YOU matter!

Some people get over-connected & swamped by their relative's issues. Some get so resentful, hurt, abused they walk away for good.

For me, I'm trying the middle ground of being an advocate & a friendly visitor. I hope you can find your own level.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to Beatty
Report

Just politely remind your Uncle that she has some dementia, and the NPH,, and ask him why he felt he had to ask you this question? He has known you all your life I assume, and his sister! Remind him she has Drs and the therapist, and they all agree that her meds needed adjusted, and they are waiting to see if they help. It may make him take a second look at her behavior, and remember what you have done in the past years. Hang in there,, and take a break from her nonsense. And perhaps also remind him that at this time there are no visitors allowed, and she can't "do this and that" no matter what you and she may want. If he wants to try.. let him go for it!
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to pamzimmrrt
Report

To answer your question, dementia is characterized by having a cognitive impairment, typically short term memory loss, PLUS having difficulty in performing various activities of daily living (ADLs) like eating, dressing, incontinence, toileting, etc. You can't have "some" dementia; you either have it or you don't. NPH can certainly cause dementia, but it can be treated. Has she had a brain shunt placed to drain off the fluid? NPH is one of the dementias that can be reversed. At her age, however, that shunt may be too risky. I know nothing about mental illness.
There's not much you can do about her talking badly about you. "Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change...".
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to sjplegacy
Report
akababy7 Jun 5, 2020
Yes momma has a shunt. It has been almost two years. The only thing it helped her with was her mobility not any other issues like memory loss, agitation, lashing out at me and incontinence. The shunt did not reverse her dementia in my opinion. She is worse now then she ever was. She then fell in her home and suffered a hematoma. That is when she went into assisted living and does nothing but complains even before the virus started.
(0)
Report
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter