Been married 13 yrs, I encouraged husband to keep his dad in his life even tho he didn't want to. Fast forward 7 yrs. Husband gets sick and disabled, I become FT caregiver and work FT. No physical or emotional help from father in law, only some money sent now and then. Jump ahead 7 more yrs. Husband and I enter into a poly relationship because he saw how I was physically drained and lonely yet love him. Jump ahead a few months, our partner and his additional caregiver is too overwhelmed that we get adult protective services involved to try to get help. Sick hubby and I separate not divorce, but we talk and I still run him everywhere...he refused closer better homes opting for a hotel so he can keep our dog. I was sexually assaulted and did not text him like I always did cause I was trying to deal.
I check on him cause I had a bad feeling when he didn't answer my belated message and find him in a coma. I sit by him for a week, his dad never came but I kept his dad updated. He miraculously wakes. Jump forward a few weeks, he gets admitted to a nursing home for rehab over a 90min drive from me, but right by his dad....he was still very confused. A BIMs score of only like 25 out of 45....anyway...I can visit weekly. His dad now suddenly becomes involved trying to get me to get him deemed incompetent. I say lets wait. He goes behind my back to see how to. When he finds he cant take guardianship by force he starts telling his son I am just after his SSD check (I make 4x that in a month) and making various promises. In the mean time telling the staff how horrible I am, and telling me this is all my doing that I'm abusive and horrible!
My husband text me asking to protect him from his dad. I contact the facility and frequently am met with hostile tones and little to no info (I'm his 1st contact, his dad is #2) and husband tells me he feels like the staff are on his dad's side. I keep finding out about apts after the fact while they make arrangements with his dad to take him. I asked for a copy of his records (I'm his wife, payee, DPOA (if incompetent) even before the coma). I am met with hostility again and told due to the dynamic I can not get anything without meeting with the director of nursing 1st. His dad keeps telling him he will pick where he goes after this and he got a form (hubby doesn't know what it is) that his dad got from the facility to have his DR fill out and yet again I am left in the dark as is my husband. I offered to come there (partly cause I want to know what his dad is trying to pull, but also cause I want to take my hubby out to lunch and drive him back) his dad told him no that if I want to see him I can see him after he gets back to the facility.
Husband also informed me a staff member told him he shouldn't worry about giving up his rights. I feel like I am in a uphill battle to fill my husband's wishes and my in-law has the advantage because he's retired, is close and has $$, while I work full time and am a nurse. What are me and my husbands rights? can the home really prevent me from getting this info. Is all this legal. I know meds, not legalities. Oh and father in law asking all sorts of things about my personal life I believe to try to make me appear immoral or something. All I know is all this made me know I can never see myself not married to my husband, and that I have to protect him. What can I do? What are our rights when my husband is so weak and it seems like the whole world is fighting us?? (FYI im 33, he's 37)