Is this kind of meanness normal? Even for dementia?

With dementia many of the "filters" that let us live in "polite" society get dropped.
This is why someone will urinate in public, fondle themselves in public, swear and talk in a manner that they never would have before.
When she gets agitated try redirecting.
Validate what is happening and redirect. So in this case you might say... "Mom, I'm talking to Aunt Betty, I am sorry you are upset, let's go get some tea."

Please talk to her doctor about the outbursts, the delusions and hallucinations.
If mom does not yet have an accurate diagnosis it might be wise to get one if possible. Different dementia's have different "symptoms" or "quirks" and if you know what type of dementia you are dealing with you can plan for some of the differences.

And you might pray that you don't talk to loved ones like that but you may never know what your future holds.
So be kind and understanding now, speak gently so that when you do say something out of character your family will know it's the disease and a broken brain not you talking.

Before I joined Agingcare, I had no clue there are so many women my age, feeling pretty much used and abused by there mother, it blew my mind. We are all just good people doing are best, some of what we do is out of guilt and obligation, but much of what we all do is truly out of love and just wanting to give are loved ones a happy, comfortable ending to there life!

This is feeling to me like the metoo# movement. I was sexually harassed on a job, that I left, instead of dealing with it. When me to# came about, I was blown away. As I am with all these stories

I'm so sorry for all your going through blue, this has to be so hard

Time to get mom checked out by a physician if she is open to it. You may have to coax her to the doctor. If she refuses call 911 and have her taken to the emergency room. It could be a urinary track infection causing her to act out.

I've had some rough talking biddies come at me with this nonsense. I think these women were army drill sargents in a former life to develop a colorful vocabulary like that. Just awful. It takes the patience of Job to deal with this. Some people are better at than others. I'm not. Someone said it's the disease talking. In Al-Anon, they say the same thing. It's the disease talking. However, it doesn't mean that we stick around and absorb this poison.

It seems like you do have a choice here. Tell her that you are not going to hang around when she starts talking like this to you. Leave the room. I figured out a long time ago that if you continue to stay and take that type of verbal abuse (disease or not) they will continue on. My Al-Anon sponsor told me to go outside and take one of Al-Anon books with me and a flashlight. I did this in the deadset of winter one time. I left ma in the house with that noise. If she fell and broke something, I would call 911. I was no longer willing to be an emotional punching bag for her or anyone else for that matter. What she said to me would make the hair on a sheep's a## uncurl. It was just horrible.

I had clients yell and scream at me. They call it elder rage. Some will even go as far as attacking the caretaker and others in the home. It is time for memory care at this point and time. There are people who drank alcohol all of their lives develop health issues down the line, and become a nightmare to the person stuck with taking care of them in the home. Usually, the person (the wife) will end up in worse shape than the alcoholic.

Your Mom is an angry dementia .
Just like there are some angry drunks .

If I get dementia, I also pray to be the happy , pleasant , cooperative drunk .

Dementia is different for everyone. It also depends on how far advanced it is.

I know a family who went through hell with their mom. Their mother chased them around their home with scissors. She was trying to stab them.

They had to hide all sharp objects. They knew then that they could no longer keep their mom in their home and placed her.

Your mom will never again be the mother who raised you, which is incredibly sad for you and for her.

I’m sorry. No matter knowing it’s the dementia talking, that still has to be painful to experience. I can only hope for you that it changes soon and meanwhile, I truly wish you peace

When my depressed, anxious, personality disordered mother had hospital delerium, she told a Dr I was a b***h. It’s in her chart. In sure others here who have dementia experience will have some good input.

This is so sad. I’m sorry this is happening. There is no advice that can even be relevant! Although it might qualify for a tv series sequel: Golden Girls Gone Bad. Maude hoping she drops dead. Sophia hoping you rot. Rose liable to kick you in the side. And Blanche telling you to go be hookers.

Yes. Been there, done that. Sigh. Just remember it's the disease talking. May you receive peace in your heart to get through this.

She needs meds for her agitation (and for hallucinations).

I don't think ALZ includes hallucinations...

I watched some Teepa Snow videos on YouTube which explained how dementia affects the brain and why these behaviors are the ones that dominate towards the end. It helps to know and understand why they can't help it.

Your mother has serious dementia. If she was never this way before then I suspect she is suffering multiple small strokes. You might speak with your mother's doctor. She is clearly terribly distressed right now during this move. I would imagine she has utterly zero idea what she is saying or doing.

Unless of course she has always been a very unpleasant woman; were that the case I would suggest you make visits few, short and sweet.

Yes, well anger or other strong feelings can be felt at any age I guess. How hard for you.

I once babysat a 4yr old. She got angry at something & wrote me a note with I Hat Yoo. Ouch.

Your Mother possess a full vocab & a very creative turn of phrase. Worthy of the best powerful Queen in a drama series. I think I'd be tempted to play along, to reply Yes Ma-am with a curt nod. As you wish Ma'am. Then click my heels & leave the room.