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My sister is POA, I started caring for mom, dad, challenged sister and moms friend. I was getting Money for groceries, some reimbursement for med co-pays and transportation. I did not pay rent or utilities now, Now mom passed I am still caring for dad, sister and moms friend. I manage dads meds and take everyone to appointments, I cook clean and my husband manages repairs and maintenance on the property. I just received a letter from my sister that I will now be responsible for 1/2 the utilities, and the groceries. She will be giving me an allowance of $1,400 month. This is to pay for everyones food and necessities. (not including me and my husband). I am pretty much only getting $564.00 a month roof over my head. There is nothing in writing that the house will be going to me when dad passes. So now I am just a sitting duck that I worry every day that if I do not do what she says she will throw us out and sell the house, Dad will go to a home, my sister a group home, and moms friend a home.
I do not know what to do \, but I do know that this is not fair. I gave up my entire life for 3 years to care for everyone. The last year my mom was bed bound and on home hospice. I checked into the compensation for home caregiving to family and it equated to $25-$30 an hour, which comes out to approximately $420 a day and that is only putting hours from 9:00am to 11pm 7 days a week. With those figures it would be precisely $2,940 per person, per week. And it would even be more because I need to bath my cognitively challenged sister. I think that I am being used, what should I do? Should I confront her and bring in a family law attorney?

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Where you receiving reimbursement before your mothers passing? Or did you have free rein to spend out of their account. Did you have a previous verbal agreement? And if not, Why would you agree to such an arrangement for three years without a written contract.

To me, and perhaps a different perspective, is that the POA may have consulted with an attorney and it setting necessary parameters for their health care and you are not part of the plan.
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I would question why you are taking care of Moms friend? If this woman has family, they need to take over her care. If no family, then I would be calling APS to take over her care. IMO, you should be being paid to care for the friend. Your sister, she should bevplaced in a group home. If Dad passes, you may then have her to care for. Do u want this for the rest of her life.
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No it is not fair so tell her you will be quitting at the end of the year and finding a new place to live. She will need to pay to replace all the work you are doing.
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Yes, I would first speak to her about your need to TOGETHER see an elder law attorney. If that doesn't work, then I would tell her the date you will be leaving.
It is really up to YOU to negotiate what you WANT, what you NEED for caregiving. This is done with an attorney, and with the POA.
The choice has to be yours to tell the POA what you want, expect, need.
If compensation is not adequate, then you announce to the POA the day you will leave.
Give the POA at least a month to get help in place or do placement for the persons you are in charge of.

I can't really imagine what help you would think a group of strangers on an elder care Forum might be of you, other than to give advice. My own advice would be to no longer do this care. The best time to make demands is really in negotiation in the beginning. It makes it much more difficult when left to later.

So contact the POA. Good luck, and hope you'll update, or let me know if there's something I missed here.
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What’s fair tends to come into play very little in caregiving. Does dad have a will that states what his wishes are for the home after he dies? As POA ends upon death, is sister also executor of the will? Find this out if you don’t know it already. You may need to make plans for another home sooner than later and not rely on inheriting the one you’re living in now. Caregiving for three people has to be unbelievably difficult to sustain, I hope you’ll find alternate plans that provide you rest and a financial future for yourself as well
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No, it doesn’t seem fair to me either. I commented in another thread yesterday that it is a bad idea to move into a caregiving live in role while a sibling controls the money. My guess here, and correct me if I’m wrong, is sister believes that you are living there because it is an inexpensive way of life for you, and you don’t have much options other wise. Therefore she thinks you should be grateful for having a roof over your head. So she can get away with what she is doing. It’s not fair, but with her being POA and controlling the money, the only things you can do are to either convince father to give you POA (if he is not demented), or move out, get a job, and live on your own. Call the state and get them involved to make sure all the household members are looked after. You are not in a good position, I’ve witnessed a few people eventually become homeless in your situation where sibling holds the cards.
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