Is this condonable? - AgingCare.com

Is this condonable?

Follow
Share

We are a family of 5 siblings trying our best to care for my elderly 94 year old father. Three of us including myself live close, and two of us live far, in another part of the country, and in Germany. I am the only one working and not retired yet. I would love to have him in my home, but obviously I can't. About 5 years ago it was decided we take my parents in with the two siblings retired and living close out of assisted living and into our homes. My mother passed away since and my father lived comfortably between the two households both married, alternating every three months. Both siblings did a wonderful job lovingly caring and doing everything necessary that elderly care entails. It is now 5 years later, and my father obviously not getting any younger, suffering from dementia, bound to a wheel chair and almost totally incontinent. The burden of caring for him has significantly changed, and Cristina one of the caring siblings feels she can not physically and emotionally do it any more. Together with her husband they feel that for his health and safety he should be cared for professionally in a home. We have the means through Medicare and Medicaid to do this and found him a wonderful option in a small 9 bed establishment that speaks our language which is Spanish. The other caring sibling Liane together with her husband find our solution evil to say the least, and have totally gone against us turning our relationship to turmoil. All of the siblings including myself have agreed a home would be best for him. Now she is holding dad and will not release him. She is talking to him about this entire situation and will not allow us to talk to him when we see him in supervised visits. We don't want to burden him with unnecessary facts of this issue, and want only the best for him. Liane has gone to extremes as to change the POA to her behind our backs. I need to add that her and her husband's relationship with my family has been a rocky one for a very long time. We care about our father and as long as he is in good hands, which he is no doubt, Liane is giving him good care, but she is holding him hostage. We do not want to visit Liane, we just want our father back. I don't think they would agree to a meeting with the family with a professional adviser. But what else can we do, except writing letters to our dad which Liane will censor? Please advise. Jose

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
4

Answers

Show:
I agree with upthread posters: if your sibling is taking good care of your father, then let her. Likely, there'll come a day when she'll understand.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Send letters of support. Siblings could be sending monthly support for Dad.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

If they are willing and able to take care of him why would you remove him. Give them love and support for willingly taking this on all by themselves, that might change as things progress but for now be thankful they are there for him.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

Ask for a cease fire and confirm that you won't take Dad out of her home against her wishes as long as he is well cared for.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Related
Questions