Is this Alzheimer's or dementia, or just plain old age?

Adriana, I feel for you. I also have seen my father go through personality changes that have made him say and do ugly things, totally opposite of his former personality. And as you say about your Dad, he says things that are "hard to hear." How poignant. Thank you for putting that pain into words. Your Dad is really up in years, and it's natural that anybody who gets that old is going to develop some degree of "dementia", at least that's what I gather. Whether it's "Alzheimer's" or not would be up to a physician, who could tell after giving your Dad an evaluation. But as for its effect on you, the technical name for it doesn't make any difference; it just hurts to see and hear it. What we have to do is cope with it....somehow. Easier said than done. At first, I'd cry into my pillow nightly, mourning the loss of my Dad to this hideous mental disease, and now I seem to have adapted to this new reality about my Dad. You said that your Dad was mean before, and it seems that elderly folks with dementia only seem to "get worse" as far as these unpleasant traits go. So unfortunately for you, his abusiveness is going up a notch. But what I've found helps me, Adriana, is to remind myself that my Dad is not entirely rational anymore. It's even sad for me to type those words. But it's true, it's the new reality. Some elders with advanced dementia/Alzheimer's may be rarely if ever rational anymore. A doc said to me: "His brain just can't do it. He can't help it." So when Dad yells the "F" word at me or gets that wild, mean look in his eyes and starts yelling cruel, immature things at me, I tell myself these things. It does help me cope, but boy there are times that I just can't take it, and have to leave ( the room or the facility he's in). I know all about your tears, and I"m so sorry you are going through this.
Maybe you'll understand this too: The other night when I called Dad to talk, something weird was going on, and my "old Dad" started coming out and he was talking and sounding a bit like my old Dad, peppy and loving and more "with it". I started to cry on the phone listening to this----It felt like a cruel reminder of what he used to be. I held back the noise of my crying so Dad wouldn't hear it. I know that it was a "fluke" that day, and he'll go back to the other, mentally weakened Dad again. But you have come to the right place to this website. There are many who understand your pain and can support you.

Well said... Anne!! :)

My Mom is in a NH with dementia, she's 94.
She went from a loner to crying out constantly for attention.
It"s hard to see the person you once knew change so much.
It"s like a stranger has moved into their body.

Adriana, it sounds like your father always wanted the center of attention and with old age it will be even more. It sounds like he has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I myself found this term and what it entails last year and finally figured out my mom after all these years. There are a few websites that deal with this topic but there are only a few. The drama that they need is called narcissitic supply and it will be used at your sacrifice, because they don't recognize you they only recognize what they can get out of you. They also have paranoia issues. I bet he was paranoid when you where younger as well. Please let me know. When my mom finally blew her gasket last year with on-set dementia the meds they prescribed helped a lot the problem with these folks is they will never understand they are not 'alright' since they are always right, and sometimes it's hard to get them to take their meds. Is he on any pscyh meds?

My father is not paranoid, but he is narcissistic. His narcissism is exacerbated by his dementia which is worsening by the day. The conversation does not exist if it isn't about him and he isn't monopolizing it. Drama? Yes, plenty of it, and it has always been that way. I don't know how my dear mother lived with him all those years. He is old school, and women are for nothing other than to serve a man, and he made it clear that he helped give birth to my sister and I, and that it was our responsibility to now take care of him. He can't make sense of the fact that no one wants to live with a man who is constantly degrading and belittling them. I feel very guilty about the fact that he is alone at such an age, and I worry about him, because I know he is not eating right and perhaps not taking his medications as he should, but what is the alternative? He refuses to have anyone but family take care of him. He is not taking any medication for any personality disorder, including dementia. On top of it all, he is now losing money to insane projects he thinks are going to make him look important.

Sorry, let me make a correction to my last post. My father WAS not paranoid, but he is now. I do want to thank all of you who have been generous enough to share your thoughts and stories with me.

Adriana, does any of his doctors see any of his aging problems? There must be one doctor you can go to. Since my mom created an incident that caused her to be prescribed some meds. It's tough to have to wait for some disturbance has to happen before anyone prescribes something. But NPD is not widely recognized still because of exactly what it is a personality disorder. Some alz/dem meds may calm him down.

His doctor sees his change, but is hesitant to prescribe anything. He says we just need to get conservatorship over his affairs and finances, but it would take a court order for that to happen, so I don't see it happening anytime soon, if ever.

As I understand it, when a person gets dementia they change personality. The once nice person becomes NOT so nice anymore. In this I got lucky. My mother-in-law never was that nice, always a little ornery, and looked down on me when I quit work to stay at home with our son. Now however, she's as nice as can be, is so grateful that I DON'T WORK like she did for 40 years, and has nothing but nice things to say about me. ha. She is still loopy with the memory thing, but this personality change is an improvement. Hopefully she won't flip it over again....

Adriana, what kind of doctor is he seeing? If it's just a regular MD they rarely prescribe head medicines so to speak. Can you take him to a psychriatrist and not tell what kind of doctor it is?