My 87 year old mother has worsening Alzheimer’s , but still has a life of the mind. She is highly educated and was always unconventional. She has been living in IL in a building with AL and MC options, and we are under intense pressure from building management to place her in Memory Care. Many of her symptoms— total absence of short term memory, delusions and paranoia — would seem to demand it. I decided to gently suggest to her that more care might be needed. She was very angry and said, “So, THIS is how it is done.” She will never, ever get over being placed or forgive us for doing it. I’m sure of that.
So my question is this. Do we exhaust all her resources to place her in Memory Care in our very expensive urban area? Or do we seriously consider a move back to her home state, her own apartment, and whatever in home assistance her money might allow. And do we try to offer her that choice?
If it were me, I would rather have more independence even if I were told point-blank it might well kill me. I am thinking of laying it on the line for her in exactly those terms, because I know physical safety at all costs does not comport with her personality or values. My parents were always more Scott and Zelda than Ward and June. Spending every dime to be wrapped in bubble wrap is not what she wants, even if it might mean a few more years. Yet the management of her building is insisting on Memory Care to such a degree that the pressure is making me ill.
I wonder what you all think. I would like to offer her a choice before it is too late.