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I sit and wonder if this is the year that I will lose my Mom. She's 85 (in March) stage 6 mixed dementia, Vascular and Alzheimer's. Her delusions are growing worse. I feel so helpless, sad, and lost. I admit that, at times, I dread going to visit her. My sweet mother, my best friend, is not there. Instead, there is a shell of a woman that resembles my mother who searches for her words, talks of going home, is feebly unsteady, and who does not know me.


I also admit that I pray for Mom's suffering to end. I do not want her to enter into the final stage of this horrid disease that has robbed her of her memory and of our relationship. I do not want to watch her lose the ability to swallow and to become bedridden. I never thought I would surrender to this, but I have.


I'm just so sad. I want to remember my mother as the vibrant woman she used to be. I miss her quirky sense of humor; I miss her advice; I miss cooking beside of her at holidays; I miss sharing my day with her and hearing her voice over the telephone.


Thank you for listening...

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So sad, this is a horrible disease, they have their feet on the ground yet their minds are no longer here. My step mother is only 81, yet mentally declining at a rapid pace. Physically she is healthy, I fear that she could live another 10 years, for her sake I hope not.

Keep posting it will help!
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This is an awful disease! Not only on the person with it, but on those who love them. What makes it even harder, is not knowing how long it will go on!! I feel your pain and sadness because I felt the same way this past year. I cried a lot!! My mom died 2 weeks ago today and it has been hard! However, when I think about what she went through this past year, it makes it easier to accept. She had vascular dementia which came on suddenly a year ago. In the mix was terrible anxiety and depression. I guess in many ways, we were lucky that she only suffered a year from this, although I think she had it for a lot longer when I think back, but just not as bad as this past year. We just were not noticing it. I prayed she would die peacefully in her sleep or get pneumonia or even the flu. She ended up developing heart failure, which we did not know about until a few months ago and that is what ultimately took her. She was 91. The best thing I did was to request Hospice several months ago. She was ready and heaven knows, I was heartbroken watching her suffer.
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I have been there. Its hard watching them decline and become frail. And you pray that God takes them sooner than later. Hard seeing them get frustrated because they can't figure things out anymore. My Mom was still a "sweetie" as the aides called her. She was easy to care for. But when she got paranoid, I was to blame. When she passed, a lift was taken off my shoulders. To get thru her journey I had to harden myself to deal with it. Didn't really like that person. But I guess it was maybe a safe/fail thing. After her passing, I tried to remember the good times. Its hard when all u remember is looking at her and there is nothing in those eyes anymore. Just blank. Mom went thru all the stages. She was in a NH. One day she wouldn't get out of bed. That was the beginning.

Its been two years since she passed and thanks to some friends, I have started looking at the good times. My Mom was second Mom to our friends. And she treated them just the same as she did her children. She was a happy soul. Accepted what life brought. Always a smile for everyone.
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I'm right there with you praying for my mom to pass peacefully in her sleep one day soon. I hate dementia with every ounce of my being and would NOT want to be alive myself if I was diagnosed with it. My mother is also wheelchair bound, totally incontinent, and the list goes on and on. She is constantly saying she wants to die as the quality of her life is now severely compromised.

Sending you a big hug and a prayer for peace with whatever fate awaits your dear mom.
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