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He has home care nurses and therapy coming in but that is not enough his doctor has written a letter for 24 hour care we are not asking for that just help. It just my sister and I taking care of him, He was the caregiver as his wife is in a wheelchair and now he needs the help.. What is out there, is there help.

thanks
Heidi

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Well, the money should not go to his "cars" as I stated above, but to his care...LOL! Another time I wish they had "edit" in this forum. ;-) Then again, if it were my husband, he'd probably want the money to go to his car...or his truck to be more exact...he loves buying things for that darn truck!
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I'm very sad to say but if he is sharp in his mind, there's really nothing you can do but worry. It's got to be entirely up to him. It's rather like, he's made his bed, and now he must lie in it...no one can lie in it for him I'm afraid. You need to have a frank heart to heart with him, let him know that you're there for him if he wants help, but that he must want it and be willing to pay for it. You and your sister don't owe him your lives, only your help and only if he wants it and any money that get's spent is his (with paperwork proving it went to his cars so if medicaid is needed later on you've a paper trail of his spend down).

That's the most you can do I'm afraid. I know, it's hard, but the government looks at it as if he's still his own man, in charge of his own life, and, if you think about it, that's how it should be. Just because you're old, unless you've a mental issue, dementia or Alzheimer, you should be allowed your freedom still. If you're stubborn, or don't do what's good for you, it's all on you, just as it would be if you were younger. Hard on us kids...but it's the way it should be. Talk to him...
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Thank you for writing back. Believe me, I know how hard this can be. Do either you or your sister have DPOA? Be careful that you don't get in a situation where he is unable to sign necessary documents giving you the ability to act for him medically and financially. This would leave him to the decisions that his wife would make for him. That may be ok with him but it sounds like she would have a difficult time since she needs a caretaker herself. A broken hip is very hard to recover from. Many don't. If he does have the vascular necrosis it usually is quiet painful. Please try to visit an elder attorney. It's important that you spend your fathers money legally and appropriately in order for him to get the care he needs to survive and be able to access Medicaid should he need it. It's a long road Heidi. Take care of yourself. It's time to tell dad that you and sister need help and he has to pay for it. I know it's hard for elders to understand that you can't quit your job and leave your family to care for him. If you can't get him to sign the necessary documents, you might have to file for an emergency guardianship in order to get him the help he needs. If you have access to his funds, hire some help and get some rest. If he is a veteran, he might qualify for aid and attendance income from the VA. A good elder attorney can help you with all of this. Good luck with getting some help.
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My father is 86, my father is very tight with his money,and stubborn as much men his age are he is not rich by no means but has to much for medicaid. He is on medicare, they are paying for nurse, therapy. He does not have dementia, only when he is in hospital he gets what is called sundowers..but at home his mind is pretty much on point.As far as my stepmom goes , she is on very high doses of pain medication which is being monitored by her stepdaughter,because she has taken to much in the past, she can do some things for herself , but can not care for anyone else, our family is a family divided my dad's side and hers long story.. I have contacted the area for the aging and they are no help, unless you are income restricted. I am going to check on respite care next, but was looking at options,yes I am blessed for my sister, but we both have families and jobs and its very tough
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Tell us a little more about your situation. How old is your father? Is someone else now caring for his wife?
Is he on Medicare? What does he want to do? You don't mention dementia. Is this a factor? Do you and sister have families of your own to care for?
For Cooking you could try meals on wheels if you haven't already.
Not qualified for Medicaid I suppose means he has assets. Now is the time to use those for his care. Seek elder law advice to make sure you go about this in the proper manner for maximum assistance. Your local area on aging may be able to advise you of any local assistance. I'm not familiar with it but some on this website mention respite care to give you and sister a break. Your dad needs six months to regain mobility? Realistically you probably need longer than six months to get dad back in charge of his household if then. Make a big pot of soup. Get as much rest as you can and call Area on Aging and find a qualified elder lawyer. It's good your dad is mending. It's good you have a sister to help.
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Hello, yes he broke his hip back in march, he was in rehab facility for a recovery period, but he become to a point to where he was at a stand still, and they would have to release him to either a nursing home or home ( only 50 percent weight bearing) , the doc has come back last month and said it would be another 6 months and he could have a vascular necrosis ,he does have therapy and a home health nurse but he needs personal care, help with cooking etc my sister and i are all we have to help,
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Was he hospitalized for the broken hip? If so he should not have been discharged without a care plan in place - surprised he wasn't sent to a rehab facility for a recovery period - Medicare would pay for that
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