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Many people with dementia can't even go to another home for a holiday meal, as it's too agitating. If she's upset with the moves, she may feel she has no home.
If you are not in an area where there is a warm and caring home for her where she can stay in one place and you and your brother can be the ones to do the traveling, the best things are to keep as many duplicates of her things as possible around her and all of you meet together as much as possible so she doesn't feel she is being "dropped off."
You are in a tough decision phase here. I hope you can find a solution that makes her more comfortable.
Carol
You may want to ask her if there is anything she would like you to get for her that she would enjoy seeing or having, or doing in the other home. You may want to call her a couple of times right after you drop her off to let her know you are thinking of her. You may want to invite the other person over to your home, instead of just having her dropped off, and enjoy some cake, or scones and tea, etc., to reinforce for her that she is extra special to have others who care for her as much as you both do. Any little extra touches to reassure her that all is well, assuming there is nothing real that she fears, may help her to become more at-ease in less time. Hope you get to the bottom of what is making her uncomfortable. Have you tried just asking her what makes her not want to go, and what does she miss the most when she has to leave for the short spell? Wishing you the very best of outcomes on this one. It has to be very difficult for you and your spouse, as well. God bless you all, and grant your Mom the comfort of knowing that she is loved and will not be abandoned, nor is she being "dumped."
I don't know of any surefire fix for your situation and this may sound silly, but have you considered giving her a security blanket or something like a worry bear, maybe both? (If it's a special purchase I suggest you also pick up a spare.)
They should stay with her at all times and whenever she gets anxious or upset you and your brother would only remind her to hold her security item(s) to help her comfort herself. Try not to coddle the upset moments because that has potential to prolong her adjustment period, but when she achieves moments of self comfort using her items give her plenty of praise and attention-or if she's anything like my grandma- a favorite snack would be even better.
It's not an immediate fix, but over time it may help her to accept the transitions of her new routine.
need to make up your mind where your mother should be at and keep her in one place so she knows that is her home ....