Well I am 62 years old, and never felt my mother loved me, as she didn't protect me from my father when he was sexually abusing me for 11 years, nor do I ever remember her saying it to me. I always got the impression that I was more of the "black sheep" of the family. Because I believe she knew exactly what was going on in her own home, I now looking back, think she did what she had to to survive with her 6 children, even if that meant turning a blind eye to the abuse that was going on right under her roof(5 out of my siblings were sexually abused including me)as she I believe was terrified to be on her own with 6 children. But you know God is so good, and He put a Godly woman in my life when I moved to a new state away from my dysfunctional family, who showed me what it felt like to be loved by a mother figure. I called her my second mom(even though she was way more of a mom to me than my birth mom was)and my children called her grandma. And she always called me her "painless" daughter, as she didn't have to go through childbirth to have me. We spent many years together and many good times before God took her Home. But I was blessed to have experienced what a true mother/daughter relationship looked like before He did. So while all of us are not blessed with loving parents, I think if we look at the people that God puts in our life along our journey, you will realize that He in fact has been filling those holes and voids all along with the right people. So try to instead look at all the positive people you have in your life and don't dwell on the negative ones, as I'm sure the positive far out weigh the negative. Unfortunately at your age the odds of obtaining your mothers love is probably slim to none, so you need to make peace with that fact, and just make sure that you are not continuing on with the dysfunction, and that you're loving people in your life well and that they know you love them. God bless you my dear.
That reminds me of my late mother-in-law, she was warm, loving, and could make all of us laugh. Even after her son and I had divorced, we kept in touch with each other weekly for the next 20 some years. She always brighten my day :)
Your Mom must now be closing in on 80? Has she always seemed to be unloving to you, or was there once a good relationship. To be quite frank, looking for mother love at 58 would indicate that you are failing to move on with your own life WHATEVER limitations your Mom had. Some people are not competent to have children, but have them anyway. Some people suffer from severe limitations in life, and their children, growing up, suffer as a result. Some few people are evil and manipulative and just "live to cause trouble". Whatever the case, and we can but "guess" at what makes you write us without any details, it is time to move on at a certain period, to get psychological counseling if need to, to accept the fragility and limitations of an elder and to make your own "family". Blood isn't much involved with good family in my humble opinion. Make good friends. Share with them and support them and be supported by them. THAT is REAL family. As you are still asking this question at 58 it means you still need help dealing with parental issues. GET that help. We are only a Forum, untrained in professions. Financial, mental, medical, legal things deserve to be addressed by professional experts who can really help you. I wish you good luck moving forward. It is never too late to reach for help. Do know that we form paths that we trudge down every day, not because they are happy paths that lead to good things, but because they are KNOWN paths we understand. There's nothing so scary as leaving our habits, getting help, and taking another road. So when you DO reach out for that help pat yourself on the back, congratulate yourself, praise yourself, for you are exhibiting GREAT COURAGE. My heart goes out to you in your pain. I wish you the best of luck in MAKING a family you can treasure.
Stacyeve, we must remember that not everyone is the warm fuzzy type. My Mom was more like Leonard's Mom on the TV show "The Big Bang Theory".
I found out after my Mom had passed, I had learned that she probably had postpartum depression right after I was born, which doctors hadn't recognized back in the 1940's. So my Godmother [her sister] helped raise me my first year [of course, I don't remember any of this]. My Mom had spent a lot of time in the hospital back then. I had no siblings.
After I found out that news, I then realized why I always felt that my Mom was angry with me for some unknown reason, which my Mom seem to have carried with her until she got up into her 80's and 90's..... then Mom became more loving and out of the shadows came a sense of humor I never knew she had.
I was a tomboy, and preferred being around my Dad. Maybe Mom resented that, no pink bows or pretty dresses, I was like a snake if Mom tried to get a dress on me. I had zero interest in cooking, laundry, ironing, grocery shopping, which was pretty much what wives did back then.
So, play detective and try to find out what could have been behind how your Mom felt about you. That could help you understand.
You know that bonding happens in the first few months of birth. So u probably bonded more with your Aunt than Mom. You have to be shown love to be able to give it. Maybe Moms childhood was not all that great.
This is very sad. I don't know anything about your situation. If she's actively mean to you, cut your ties and run away. You might be better off with no contact than contact that is hurtful.
Because I believe she knew exactly what was going on in her own home, I now looking back, think she did what she had to to survive with her 6 children, even if that meant turning a blind eye to the abuse that was going on right under her roof(5 out of my siblings were sexually abused including me)as she I believe was terrified to be on her own with 6 children.
But you know God is so good, and He put a Godly woman in my life when I moved to a new state away from my dysfunctional family, who showed me what it felt like to be loved by a mother figure. I called her my second mom(even though she was way more of a mom to me than my birth mom was)and my children called her grandma. And she always called me her "painless" daughter, as she didn't have to go through childbirth to have me. We spent many years together and many good times before God took her Home.
But I was blessed to have experienced what a true mother/daughter relationship looked like before He did.
So while all of us are not blessed with loving parents, I think if we look at the people that God puts in our life along our journey, you will realize that He in fact has been filling those holes and voids all along with the right people.
So try to instead look at all the positive people you have in your life and don't dwell on the negative ones, as I'm sure the positive far out weigh the negative.
Unfortunately at your age the odds of obtaining your mothers love is probably slim to none, so you need to make peace with that fact, and just make sure that you are not continuing on with the dysfunction, and that you're loving people in your life well and that they know you love them.
God bless you my dear.
To be quite frank, looking for mother love at 58 would indicate that you are failing to move on with your own life WHATEVER limitations your Mom had. Some people are not competent to have children, but have them anyway. Some people suffer from severe limitations in life, and their children, growing up, suffer as a result. Some few people are evil and manipulative and just "live to cause trouble".
Whatever the case, and we can but "guess" at what makes you write us without any details, it is time to move on at a certain period, to get psychological counseling if need to, to accept the fragility and limitations of an elder and to make your own "family". Blood isn't much involved with good family in my humble opinion. Make good friends. Share with them and support them and be supported by them. THAT is REAL family.
As you are still asking this question at 58 it means you still need help dealing with parental issues. GET that help. We are only a Forum, untrained in professions. Financial, mental, medical, legal things deserve to be addressed by professional experts who can really help you.
I wish you good luck moving forward. It is never too late to reach for help.
Do know that we form paths that we trudge down every day, not because they are happy paths that lead to good things, but because they are KNOWN paths we understand. There's nothing so scary as leaving our habits, getting help, and taking another road. So when you DO reach out for that help pat yourself on the back, congratulate yourself, praise yourself, for you are exhibiting GREAT COURAGE.
My heart goes out to you in your pain. I wish you the best of luck in MAKING a family you can treasure.
I found out after my Mom had passed, I had learned that she probably had postpartum depression right after I was born, which doctors hadn't recognized back in the 1940's. So my Godmother [her sister] helped raise me my first year [of course, I don't remember any of this]. My Mom had spent a lot of time in the hospital back then. I had no siblings.
After I found out that news, I then realized why I always felt that my Mom was angry with me for some unknown reason, which my Mom seem to have carried with her until she got up into her 80's and 90's..... then Mom became more loving and out of the shadows came a sense of humor I never knew she had.
I was a tomboy, and preferred being around my Dad. Maybe Mom resented that, no pink bows or pretty dresses, I was like a snake if Mom tried to get a dress on me. I had zero interest in cooking, laundry, ironing, grocery shopping, which was pretty much what wives did back then.
So, play detective and try to find out what could have been behind how your Mom felt about you. That could help you understand.