Is there anybody out there who lost a spouse to early onset Alzheimer's? How are you coping?

It's been a year and a month since my Love left this earthly world for Heaven. She has Alzheimer's for nearly 8 years, but was always asking those 20????, never became abusive, just wanted to stay home, everything was NO!! In October of 2021 she was diagnosed with congestive heart failure, which placed her under Hospice care, it took 3 months and she passed away on Christmas Eve of 2021. I've started going to church, asking why, but now realize it's all God's will!!r I trust the good Lord and HE will have HIS will. Prayer has helped and I'm still in limbo, alone but children are a Blessing, they call daily to ask "How is it today" and also evening to find out what I'm doing. I also go to a Widowers dinner once a month. I've read many articles, concerning Grief, and met persons who indicated life will change but it'll get better as you grieve for many years!! We were married for 64 years!!!

It's been a year and a month since my Love left this earthly world for Heaven. She has Alzheimer's for nearly 8 years, but was always asking those 20????, never became abusive, just wanted to stay home, everything was NO!! In October of 2021 she was diagnosed with congestive heart failure, which placed her under Hospice care, it took 3 months and she passed away on Christmas Eve of 2021. I've started going to church, asking why, but now realize it's all God's will!!r I trust the good Lord and HE will have HIS will. Prayer has helped and I'm still in limbo, alone but children are a Blessing, they call daily to ask "How is it today" and also evening to find out what I'm doing. I also go to a Widowers dinner once a month. I've read many articles, concerning Grief, and met persons who indicated life will change but it'll get better as you grieve for many years!!

My husband is 59 with late stage Alzheimer’s. He was diagnosed in 2019 but misdiagnosed for 5 years. When he found out he could not drive he became so angry. Punching walls screaming at me but never hitting. There is medicine that will help! Sometimes it takes a bit to get the right one. It was on and off for two years of his unpredictable behavior. I couldn’t have people over, adult children are no help and friends are few. I will tell you it will pass. In December he took a turn for the worse when I was thinking about placing him. I too struggle everyday with that . I had an occupational therapist tell me to check if he qualifies for hospice as he did as he eats very little m. They are wonderful. He’s easy now. Still takes the meds, walks around the house mumbling but seems happy. Reach out to Alzheimer’s Association. Get in a support group so you don’t feel alone. Hospice has respite for free!! I have not used it yet still hard to let go. When his time comes it will be a devastating loss that will cut to the core but his life and my life isn’t really a life at the moment. He doesn’t know my name but is familiar with me and will kiss me. Good luck! Know you are doing the best you can and NO ONE should fault you for any decisions made. God Bless.

Thank you for all your responses, my husband died December 16, 2021 , i did have to put him Memory Care in September. Unfortunately my husband of 35 years did become very violent in the evenings , tried to escape, was unable to be left alone and would pee and poop where ever he wanted to. I took care of him for 8 years before I put him in memory care, it was the hardest thing I ever did. He was moved several times in memory care because he was so combative to the staff and other residents , I to had no help at all even having 3 grown children. To this day with his passing I have a hard time moving on because I thank taking care of him became my purpose and you tend to forget the hell you went through. I am just having a hard time moving on even though it's been over a year.

Not sure what to say except my husband was diagnosed 11 yrs at age 58 after we had been married only 7 yrs. The 7 yrs were the best I could have asked for so I can only assume God gave me blessings preparing me for this journey. To see a man so humble that gave of himself alot..manage over 50 employees and work with dealers then retire and come to work with me is truly heartbreaking now that he can barely speak, read or write. His lack of cognitive skills went really fast with inability to write his name or read or sweep the floor. It is very difficult and no one tells you how bad things will get until you are completely aged and exhausted to live life. I am struggling with our promise we made just after we got married to make sure each other was taken care of by someone else and not to lose ourselves in the process BUT I seem to find that difficult now. I cannot follow him around 24/7 and since he is not aware of a knife if or stove, etc... it is dangerous for him. He now does not know what is a dog or cat and does not understand a word that I say which causes real tension and stress. My difficulty is the fact he is otherwise healthy and still walks around good. I keep waiting for the sign from God that it is time for Memory Care and maybe he is sending them in the middle of the night when things are horrific but I am ignoring him. I pray for you and the strength to hang on but also to let go when your head knows it is time but your heart won't let you. I am unable to keep him busy because he had no hobbies and the only things he likes to do is ride around every afternoon which takes about an hour everyday. His family has been no help and know that I am here so they stay away. I am trying to make the decision this next month about Memory Care and a big issue is most of them have waiting list with no rooms available. I was stunned by that fact. I could go on and on and on but I will not do that...praying for you and your husband.

I hope I don't end up dealing with this so I am sorry that you are. My FIL had early onset, in his mid 60s. So sad. Sometimes I get scared when my hubby does or says things that remind me of my mom with dementia. I don't know if I'm just really tuned into the whole dementia scene now, or if I really have something to worry about. Ugh. It would be incredibly cruel, IMHO, if I had a mom AND hubby with dementia. I might have to change my name and run away!

So, I would suggest the same things I did with/for my mom when she lived with me. She's in assisted living now, as her needs became much more than I could handle. Get yourself a cleaning lady. Try to keep hubby busy. Whatever he can still do, have him do it. Get him some exercise. Go to the senior center - maybe he can go alone once you get him there a few times together. If/when his needs start growing, get in home help. If things get much worse, you could both move into assisted living where. your chores will be significantly reduced and you'll have help and activities and new friends.

Good luck to you.

My husband died in Sept. 2020 from vascular dementia. This was both our second marriages and we were married 26 years.
For me because I had cared for him for so many years, it was almost a relief when he died as he no longer had to suffer and I no longer had to be his caregiver.
He is now running the streets of gold while I'm here still trying to figure out what I want to do next with my life.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm enjoying my new life and freedom, and the grief I had early on has subsided and only comes by occasionally now for a short visit; so life goes on.
It's up to us to make our lives the best they can be, and that is exactly what I am doing. My joy has returned and I can honestly say life is good.

And I just looked at your profile and it looks like you're referring to losing your husband while he's still alive. I initially thought he had died, thus my initial response above. So I will agree with what Grandma1954 said below about getting all the help you can, but remember this too shall pass, and your life will go on if you don't let yourself get too burned out from caring for him. Keep in mind that 40% of all caregivers caring for someone with dementia, will die before the one they're caring for due to stress, so you can see how important it is to take care of yourself.

My Husband was 63 when he was diagnosed.
He survived for 12 + years. I do not want to say he lived because much of what he was was gone.
How did I cope...?
I found a good Support Group.
He was a Veteran so I got as much help as I could from the VA.
I got him on Hospice as soon as I could.
With the help from both the VA and Hospice I was able to keep him home and care for him.
I did have caregivers.
And I was VERY luck that he was not violent. He was compliant. He was easy to care for.
And one of the other saving graces...the house that we moved into was built Handicap accessible. (we had to move, the house we were in was an old family house and it needed many repairs and it could never have been made accessible.)
I am not saying it was always easy...
I am not saying that there were not times I wanted to scream..(and there were plenty of times I did just that in the car with the radio turned up LOUD)

I did have a plan...I did tell myself that I would keep him home as long as it was SAFE. that is....
As long as it was safe for HIM for me to care for him
As long as it was safe for ME for me to care for him.
If at anytime he would have become violent, or if I could not manage, if there was a possibility that I could have injured him, or gotten injured myself I would have had to place him in Memory Care.

Get help to come in.
If there are Adult Day Programs get him involved in one.
If he is a Veteran contact the VA or your local Veterans Assistance Commission and see what he might qualify for.
Contact Hospice of your choice. Have him evaluated. If he does not qualify find out what the qualifications are and as soon as he qualifies contact them. The help you get is amazing as well as getting all the supplies and equipment you will need. And a Nurse 1 time a week and a CNA at least 2 times a week. And you can request a Volunteer to sit with him or do help you do other things.
And find a good Support Group.
When friends ask if they can do anything...give them something to do.
2 of the hardest things being a caregiver...
Asking for help
Accepting help.