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My mother in-law has dementia and we struggle with the confusion state she’s constantly in... do we correct her or go along with what she thinks is real? Would daycare help in any way?

I'm not sure what you mean by daycare being of help to her, thought it would be a help to you if you need a break from caring for her. Daycare is unlikely to do anything to help her condition, though it may entertain her, and lift her mood if she is a social type. Some MC facilities don't have daycare and some do.
There are many books written about living with a loved one's dementia.. look online or at the library. Also a lot of resources through your local ALZ chapter.
Teepa Snow has a lot of videos online.
In my own experience I go along with some and correct others. You will learn to improvise your responses as you see her reactions. Mainly the idea is to keep the peace. best wishes
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Reply to gemmab123
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I had my Husband going to Day Care. It gave me a break and I guess it gave him a break. Everyone in the Support Group that I still go to says their husbands say they do not want to go, they don't "do" anything they don't get lunch but in reality the day is filled with activity and they get a good lunch and I have seen some of the paintings that one woman's husband did and it was pretty amazing and he had not done art things before.
As far as correcting confusion it depends on what she is confused about. Mistaking a kitchen chair for the toilet, you correct. Her thinking that the husband that died years ago is still alive, that there is no need to have her relive his death every time so you don't correct her. Her wanting to wear the same clothes day after day after day...you just buy duplicates and wash the soiled ones when she is asleep.
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Reply to Grandma1954
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bluefinspirit Jan 21, 2020
Grandma,
You are absolutely correct! I tend to respond to these types of questions by simply saying that trying to reason with or correct someone with dementia is not possible, so try to ignore or redirect. Generally that's true, but as with everything in life, it often depends. If I find my mom washing her hands with toothpaste, I correct her and get her some soap. If she wants to feed her kitties for the 10th time in the past hour, then I let her do it and discretely toss the food because the kitties are FULL. ;-)
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Try eldercare.acl.gov. You can search by zip code to find resources in your area.

I agree that trying to correct her is counterproductive. You have to understand that her reality is no less "real" than your own. If your MIL is the social type, then adult daycare is a great way for her to interact with others her age while also giving you a break from caregiving for a while.
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I would say, as far as possible just go along with it. One of my friends from Elementary School thinks she went to Juilliard School of Performing Arts. We just go along with it. The other day she told her sister she had driven to town. Freaked sister out until she remembered her sister didn't have a car. So, she just asked her if she bought anything.
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Reply to MaryKathleen
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Raeraew, it is always best to go along with what your Mom-in-law is thinking is real. Correcting her would only confuse her more. So sorry you have to go through this.

Some areas have adult daycare for dementia patients. Call your county agency on aging and they can direct you if one is available in your area.
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Reply to freqflyer
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YES there are adult day health centers for people with dementia. Ask your MIL’s doctor for some referrals locally, OR look on-line. The main purpose would be to relieve you or other primary caregivers for a time. There are also temporary overnight respite programs for the same purpose.

It sounds like you are struggling with how to deal with her confusion. That’s entirely understandable. There are many guidelines written on this topic, here on this site (resources) and through the Alzheimer Associations. Many caretakers struggle with the exact some thing, and support is absolutely essential. Best wishes...
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Reply to Nancymc
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My mom is a participant in the PACE Program, which is an all-inclusive senior care program that includes daycare and medical care. She is picked up in the morning (about 7 am) and returns home in the evening after my work day. The program in my county is run by Prisma Health. It is a godsend for both of us, since I had to move her into my home in SC from New Jersey, where she had lived almost her entire life. In addition to medical care/monitoring, it is a great social outlet for her.

This program is operational in multiple states. Google PACE programs by state.
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Reply to JaniceG
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Yes there are Adult Day Care for seniors with dementia and Alzheimer's. Check with the Department on Aging in your state for a list of these centers. I actually work for an ADC and I can tell you it helps tremendously. ADC's are for seniors and their Caregivers. Care giving is a 24/7 job...it never ends. ADC's give them a break. I suggest you look into it. I'm located in Illinois and here if a senior has low income (Medicaid), they get all the services for Free!!!
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Babsgod Jan 21, 2020
Check Friends Place at Campbell & Nantucket
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My MIL goes to an adult day program and has dementia. There is usually a waiting list, so get your loved one on it - even if you're not sure about committing to this option yet. You can always say "pass" when her name is at the top of the list.

You probably won't be able to correct her view of reality. As long as it doesn't harm her or others, why bother? If she is anxious or agitated, consider diverting her attention to another topic of conversation or another activity. If anxiety or agitation persists, you may want to get a doctor appointment to consider medications for anxiety.
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Reply to Taarna
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You’ve already gotten some good suggestions. Another option would be to try a local senior center or Area Agency on Aging. One small caution though. As mentioned, this will not help with the confusion of dementia. It will just give you respite. And, there is at least a slight possibility that until the day care becomes routine, you may see a bit of an uptick in the confusion. Wishing you the best on your journey.
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Reply to MelissaPA2AZ
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