Is there any program that will pay a child to take care of a mentally disabled parent in New Jersey, or a Federal program?

If this daughter does not have POA she should not be the caregiver and she should not give up her job. She needs to consider her SSearnings. My opinion, sell the home and use the money to place sister in a nice Assisted Living or Memory care. None of her children, who need to work, should be asked to quit their jobs. Neither you nor any other siblings should be asked to help. Your sister will get worse and need care that really needs trained aides to do it. Trying to find good help is hard.

Please know that SS is 100% at 67. SS goes back 35 years in earnings so to the age 32. If in those 35 years u don't work for some reason, lets say 10yrs, your SS earnings are only based on 25 yrs. Its really important now that you have enough in earnings and invested so ur retirement is comfortable. Lets say the daughter is 50 and quits a well paying job to care for Mom. 5 to 10 yrs later she wants to get back into the workforce. Its going to be hard for a 55 to
60 yr old to enter back into the workforce. Especially if not kept up to changes in technology and their career. You sister seems to have the means to get placed in a nice facility. Her children should be able to be her children, not her caregivers.

A sustainable plan is needed.

".. afraid to leave her alone for more 20-30 minutes".

If someone needs 24hr supervision, this will add much stress to the household.

Withdrawing a salary will also add stress & possible resentment in the household too.

Adding in NON-family help may lighten some of the care-load eg sitters/companions/aides - but may add to the financial load.

Dementia is an umbrella term, with Alzheimer’s Disease being the most common. All types seem to progress, but can vary in symptoms. So having an accurate diagnosis may help with planning.

My guess is this is past 'early stage'. Very common for spouses to cope & cover over. Often the adult children only glimpse a little memory loss on a visit. But if the spouse dies (as has happened here) it can cause catastrophic grief & stress response. Almost like a delerium.

I am very sorry this is happening to your sister. May a sensible sustainable plan be found that works for all of you the best it can.

My advice is for you to speak to an elder law attorney and let him advise you on what should be done.

If you can, do you think you can recommend her daughter not to give up work as this sounds like a rash decision for something that will be long term and by long term I mean potentially years, also the care the daughter may be planning to provide might be more then she can take on given time, so suggesting that she really has a think about the impact on her,husband,mum and family's future maybe let her look at this forum and have a really good look though all the questions and answers on the forum.

Your post says “mentally disabled”. Alva asks if “you mean mental illness, and NOT dementia”? But perhaps you mean a disability like Downs syndrome - though with a daughter that seems unlikely. There are different options for all of these things, so more information needed, please.

I Know in Massachusetts there is a program to Pay Family caregivers - No Idea about New Jersey , try elder services or a government site for elders .

There is no program that I am aware of that pays family members to care for someone in the home. VA Aid and Attendance does have a program, if her husband was an active military member during wartime. A friend of mine was able to get about $2000 a month because he served during the Korean war. that amount decreased when his wife passed though. It took about 10 months from applying to when he received his check.

If sister can not stay home alone anymore, I really believe her best option is a group home or Nursing Home. Can Daughter really afford to give up her future earnings to stay at home and care for her? What is going to happen to her 30 years down the road, what kind of financial position will she be in if she gives up working now?

If husband was a Veteran she may qualify for Aid and Attendance. That would provide some income that would pay for caregivers. (family can generally be paid to be caregivers I would just make sure there is a contract indicating wage and duties, make sure this is legal incase application for Medicaid needs to be done you don't want pay to be looked at as "gifting")

"Get paid as a caregiver for a family member/usa.gov" is a good way to try to start your research on the internet. There are governmental and state programs you can research through your state as well. You may consider calling 1-800-Medicare and asking for a "Medicaid advisor" . The internet is best place I can think of to start your search regarding this question. However you have a huge initial problem in that you have no diagnosis. No proof of need.

You say sister is mentally disabled. I assume you mean mental illness, and NOT dementia?
I ask because you said you are not sure of the diagnosis, and this makes a critical difference.
Given her condition I also assume that there is medical care currently being rendered to this sister? This must mean there is care from somewhere, an MD, a diagnosis? If so there may already be social services involvement. I would start by contacting that person.

There would need to be a full mental neuro-psyc evaluation. Now that her caregiver has died, who is her POA? There would have to be solid reasons this person could not be alone, as mental health issues are not usually a qualifier for in home care unless the person is unable to care for self, or is a danger to self or others.
I can only recommend that the MD involved in treatment of this sister be contacted for recommendations. I am surprised this wasn't done in the two months the daughter was present doing care?

We usually find that quitting a job to care for someone in home is a mistake. The compensation, even when available is very small for the amount of investment in care needs. The person often moves and gives up a job and then, when in home care is no longer possible, that caregiver ends up homeless, without a job and without a job history.

You don't tell us if this person wishing to give care has any POA for the person needing the care. Mental disabilities are notoriously difficult for a lay person to manage. I would recommend against this.