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My boyfriend's father lives alone in an apartment complex for the elderly. We are 200 miles apart. Everyday I hear him talk to his father on the phone and everyday the man has either fallen out his bed with no way of getting up by himself. (Very over weight), or the wheelchair (cannot walk) broke, or he fell out of it, etc. He refused to go to a place that provides the care he needs nor will he move with us. I'm worried he will fatally hurt himself and not have any way of getting help. The father also speaks of suicide at times. My boyfriend doesn't want to cause any problems but like I said, one day, it could be fatal. Is there an anonymous thing that can be done where someone goes and inspects his living and maybe take legal matters to get him the help he needs?

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Worriedbryant, well someone must be helping your boyfriend's Dad daily to get back up, correct? Otherwise he would have been living on the floor for weeks on end. Who is lifting him back onto the bed or back into his wheelchair? And willing to do this daily?
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Sometimes I wonder if safety is as important as it is cracked up to be. This man is a competent adult, presumably. Shouldn't he get to decide whether he'd rather be "safe" in a care center or "independent" in his own place? (This assumes he is more or less in his right mind.)

I personally don't think I would make the same decision he is making. I think his decision is wrong. But competent adults are allowed to make decisions that seem wrong to outsiders.
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Dear Worried
Well now that you have explained more about your boyfriends father it seems he is living his life as he pleases. Maybe that’s why your boyfriend won’t interfere?
Could he be happier elsewhere I don’t know. Safer, cleaner, medicated no doubt but happier. Maybe not.
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He won't call 911 because he knows they will force him back to a nursing home which I think he needs to be. He does have a neighbor friend to call but like I said, he's a big man... Literally takes 6 grown men to help him up off the floor after being there sometimes for hours. My bf and I visited him last month. The man wants his independence, says the nursing home takes a ll his money. But being alone isn't safe for him.
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Yes. Look up the Area Agency on Aging for his zip code or city. Ask them to do a wellness check. They can also let him know about services that might be available that would help him. If he is in a terrible situation I believe they will have to take action.
When he falls and can’t get up how does he finally get up? Does he call 911 or a neighbor? Is there an office number at the place where he lives?
How long has it been since your BF has seen his dad?
Take action and let us know how things are going.
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