She is a 76 year old hoarder. The hoarding has progressively gotten worse. Her bedroom had a rancid smell, but it’s not just the snell that’s the issue. She has piles and piles of clothes, shoes and god knows what else piled up.
she will not clean anything. She does wash dishes sometimes and clothes sometimes, but she will not put her clothes up, so they sit for weeks to months in the laundry room.
She has 6 closets full of clothes and 7 dressers all full. 5 out of 6 dressers are throughout the house. Mice have been in 5 of the dressers.
She has converted half of the dining room into her other hoarders den. She has piles of clothes, bins and god knows what else.
There was a rat living in a pile of her stuff. She wouldn’t clean anything and you could smell decomposition.
Her neurologist has been of little help. I am giving him one last chance as I sent him photos of her bedroom in its current state and explained that she is a hoarder.
She has honestly always been lazy. She doesn’t like to clean, but she won’t pay anyone either. She is a hoarder in every regard. She does the same with the refrigerator.
Is there any way to get her to get up and clean or organize her mess???
I would tell her that you are going to rehome the dog, not providing for it's basic needs is completely unacceptable.
You should stop propping up her laziness. Yes, wanting you to cater to her needs is laziness, however, she may be experiencing some loss of executive functions and that could explain the lack of initiative. Watch for showtiming at the neurologist appointment, she may try to pretend to be worse off than she really is to rope you in as a care slave.
My mom was a hoarder, my heart goes out to you because I have spent untold amounts of time trying to help my mom get her house clean, only to have it get worse than ever within weeks, so I understand the futility of propping this nonsense up.
Get a referral for a psychiatrist educated in hoarding and get anyone that will support her and support her through a recovery, if you are able. My mom wouldn't or couldn't own her reality so there was no help, I pray that your mom is help able. (If that's even a word.)
If so you evict them legally.
If this person is in their own house there is not much you can do.
If it is a Health hazard you can report to the local Health Department.
If it is a fire hazard you can report to the Fire Department. (if nothing else I am sure they want to know if it is a hoarding issue if they are ever called)
If the house is a danger you can report to Building and Zoning.
Hoarding is a Mental Illness. It is not laziness.
A neurologist is not going to help much this person needs a Psychiatrist or a Therapist.
And a side note...
If you are not POA or Guardian and/ or are not listed on this persons HIPAA form the medical staff can NOT respond to your calls, your texts or your photos. Legally they are prohibited from doing so.
If you think this person is not safe you can report to APS and they will initiate an investigation. If you do that then it is out of your hands so you back off.
If you are the type of person to badger this person about this, the situation and continue to call them lazy you may be cutting yourself off from them when they need all the support and understanding they can get.
She is mentally ill and this has zero to do with "laziness".
You will need to research this mental illness for your own edification; it's now a part of DSM-5 diagnostics handbook if I am not mistaken.
No, she won't be cleaning up.
Her brain is no longer capable of doing this, or even of grasping any need of it at all. Hoarders will often live with feces and diapers full hoarded in a home.
You are going to need professional help with this.
I stepped down from acting as her caretaker as she wouldn’t respect my boundaries after telling her to leave me alone. She became abusive and she was screaming at me.
I understand the separation of hoarding and laziness. With understanding this, she has two things going on at once, the hoarding and unfortunately she is lazy.
She has the expectation that I will do everything for her — cook for her, clean for her, pick up her trash, clean her mess, care for her dog, feed/give water, groom him, take him to the vet, etc.
She is still able bodied. She drives. She goes out to socialize. I’m just stating that to convey that she is not handicap or bed ridden.
She has asked me if I will go with her to neurologist appointment as she has a language barrier. Does she need a referral for a psychiatrist? Would that be the best approach for her to seek help?