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My father is 79 and for the past year and a half has been living in a LTC facility. Prior to that, he lived alone but struggled with medical issues for at least 4 years. He has been diagnosed with dementia (which he does have). The problem is that I believe my father has many other issues (emotional and mental) which were never diagnosed, but now are exacerbated because of the dementia and not feeling comfortable where he’s living. He’s been struggling emotionally for many years (although youth and strength used to be on his side). I’m pretty sure he has spent much of his life trying to self diagnose and self medicate. It was unfortunate however that a hospital stay changed his fate. He is very misunderstood and I’m not sure he’s in the right type of facility. He has been diagnosed with dementia, but I can see that dad has anxiety and depression (both, conditions undiagnosed for some time). He is being treated for the depression but the anxiety is still there and he doesn’t get the 1:1 he needs to feel safe. I’m not sure if LTC is where he should be. But I also don’t know if Memory care would be any better. Dad feels so alone and it’s so sad. I've had numerous conversations with the facility administrator, but I don’t see any change in them, and his emotional state is getting worse. Is there any other type of facility that may give him and his issues more attention? I’m at a loss.

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Anna...

I think this might fall under the subheading of

"... accept what I cannot change..."

I don't doubt that you are right to attribute your father's alcoholism (leaving aside his abandonment of his small daughter, and all the rest of it) to an attempt to self-medicate his emotional and mental health issues. I'm sure it's true that alcoholism very often is the result of deeper, less understood vulnerabilities. Who can really say?

But I do not believe, myself, that even the continuous presence, 1:1, of a clinical psychologist or older age psychiatrist would make your father feel less alone. His emotional state must be very sad to witness, it is sad even for a stranger to read about, but -

It is not your doing.
It is not something you can solve.

What mental health professionals are currently involved in his care? Have you discussed your concerns with them, or anyone else in the facility?
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Reply to Countrymouse
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Can you find a Board and Care place. home style facility, 6 residents, 2 caretakers in a one-story house?
They are also called 6 packs... Most of them look like single family homes, in neighborhoods with wheel chair ramps up to the front door..
Perhaps a smaller environment might be helpful
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Reply to MAYDAY
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thank you
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Reply to MAYDAY
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brain fart: what does LTC stand for?

sometimes, abbreviations stump me. tonight, especially.
sorry.
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Carolinechcs Oct 15, 2020
LTC = Long Term Care
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Have you spoken to your father’s social worker about his condition?

I’m so sorry that you are struggling with this situation.

Others with experience in this area will offer help. Please stick around.

Best wishes to you and your dad.
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Reply to NeedHelpWithMom
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